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  • Subject: [Story] Hornet 137 [Part Four Is Ready!]
Subject: [Story] Hornet 137 [Part Four Is Ready!]
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Prolague


Aaron lay in his dorm room's bed. Sheila, his roommate, was curled up next to him. Neither of them was wearing clothes. Aaron's partner placed her head on his chest, and listened to his rhythmic heart beat. Aaron wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her head. Sheila's smooth, bronze skin pressed against his as they shared each other's body heat. "Sheila?"

"Yes?" The girl whispered back.

"What's going to happen when our lives really start? Will you stay with me?"

"Always." Sheila moved up, and kissed his neck. She placed a hand on his chest, as if she was feeling the life inside of him. The girl noticed Aaron's deep expression, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I just feel..."

"Feel what?"

"I feel like I don't belong in this world."

Sheila shifted up, and stared at Aaron with glistening emerald eyes. "Why?"

Aaron rose with her. "Well, I just feel different, like I'm not human."

"Well, you are most certainly human, but you are very very different."

"Like, how?"

"Well, you are the deepest person I know. You have a way of seeing through those fake shells people build around themselves. You understand everyone, Aaron. Most importantly, you don't abuse that power. Oh yea, and you have the hottest girlfriend ever."

Aaron kissed Sheila, and pulled her over into his arms. "You know, every guy in my Econ class made a poll on who the hottest girl in the school was."

Sheila laughed. "That's kinda sad."

Aaron placed his head on Sheila's shoulder. "Yeah yeah, I know. You won, though."

"Oh really, do I get a prize?"

"You get me..."

Sheila was silent, but then burst into laughter. "I'm sorry." She said, choking on each laugh, "Th-that was really sweet, but really lame."

Aaron smiled, "Wow, that was really cheesy. I can't believe I just said that."

Sheila stifled her sounds of joy. "No Aaron, it was nice, really." Her face grew serious as she lifted the top half of her body up over Aaron. Sheila planted her hands next to his shoulders, and shifted over so that she was completely aligned with him.

Aaron grinned, "I'm one lucky soldier."

"Shut up." Sheila slowly moved her body down towards his, but quickly moved back away from her lover before they came into contact, "Wait, what?"

"I enlisted." Aaron said casually.

"What the hell?! If this is a joke, it isn't funny!"

"Why are you so pissed? I found what I am meant to do, this is my purpose...I know it."

Sheila winced. "You didn't even ask me what I thought!"

Aaron shrugged. "I didn't think you would care."

Aarons partner put on a sarcastic smile, "Of course I don't, honey. Oh I have no concern whether you get blown to pieces or live!"

"Calm down, Sheila. There's zero reason to be mad. I get to be in the air division, It'll be good for me."

Sheila burst into tears. "You are going to die, Aaron!"

Aaron sat up. "My dad fought on Harvest with barely any gear, and he was fine."

Sheila grabbed a pillow, and hit him over the head. "You are such a fool"

Aaron was drawn back. "What?"

"Aaron, you have to get off of Reach." Sheila said as she sniffled and wiped her read eyes, " We can go to a different planet, and live somewhere where they can't find you. I won't let you do this."

"Really Sheila? This is ridiculous."

"Aaron, Stop being an idiot, and listen!" Sheila said, shaking her love by his shoulders.

Aaron lost his head. "No! This is what I want to do, and if you can't accept that, then I'm gone."

"Oh, and where are you going to go?"

"Well, I'm not scheduled to go to training until the end of the semester, but hey, maybe if I go early and get some extra practice I might not die, right?" Aaron dressed, grabbed his car keys, and turned to say a final goodbye to Sheila. Before he could speak, a necklace landed at his feet. It was a silver heart, hanging on to a thin chain. Sheila's action said everything.

When Aaron arrived at the train station, it was packed with people. Some were soldiers coming home, and some were soldiers going back. All of them looked broken.

Aaron walked by the ticket booth, lifting up his military form as he passed through. He sat alone on the train, his head leaning against the glass. As it started, he began to think. Sheila will wait for me, yeah. Will she? Aaron stared into the night, looking in the direction of his dorm. A soft whisper came from his lips, "Please, wait for me..."


[Edited on 03.29.2010 12:40 PM PDT]

  • 03.22.2010 3:30 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] The Last One [Prolague!]

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Posted by: The Munchies
Aaron sat up. "My dad fought on Harvest with barely any gear, and she was fine."


Mangina lol Nice story though

  • 03.22.2010 3:36 PM PDT
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Posted by: blackstreak1
Posted by: The Munchies
Aaron sat up. "My dad fought on Harvest with barely any gear, and she was fine."


Mangina lol Nice story though


Oh, crap. Fix'd

  • 03.22.2010 3:48 PM PDT

You know you can't actually just join the ODSTs right? I made a mistake with that back in Memoirs, and only managed to have it make a bit of sense with some careful arse-covering later on.

To join the ODSTs you have to be hand picked, and be a trained soldier for years.

Other than that, the dialogue was really, really cheesy, but the story could be okay if you work at it. Decent enough writing too. Keep going.

  • 03.23.2010 12:44 AM PDT
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Posted by: Wolverfrog
You know you can't actually just join the ODSTs right? I made a mistake with that back in Memoirs, and only managed to have it make a bit of sense with some careful arse-covering later on.

To join the ODSTs you have to be hand picked, and be a trained soldier for years.

Other than that, the dialogue was really, really cheesy, but the story could be okay if you work at it. Decent enough writing too. Keep going.


I agree with the cheesy diolague. It was hard to get around. For me at least. I'll work on that. As for the ODST thing, where did you hear that? i've read all of the books, but I never saw it. But you probably know more about it than I do, so I'll adjust it :). Thanks for the comment :D

[Edited on 03.23.2010 1:20 PM PDT]

  • 03.23.2010 1:18 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Hornet 137 [Part One Is Up!]
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Part. 1



Aaron heard a loud noise coming from behind him. He turned to see a young man stumbling over his duffel bag and struggling to hold on to his backpack. The boy leaned on Aaron's seat and caught his breath. "Wow. There were no seats left back there. Every empty one was for some friend in the bathroom."

Aaron sighed. "Cool."

"Can I sit with you?"

"Um, actually, I feel like sitting alo-"

"Sweet," the stranger interrupted. "Thanks man." He pulled out a computer and began to work on something "Want to see something cool?"

"I'm fine," Aaron groaned silently.

"Naw man, you'll love this. By the way, my name's Gale." He turned the computer screen to Aaron. It showed a dark green bulky object.

Aaron's curiosity breached his sadness. "What the hell is that?"

"A weapon," Gale replied. "It fires a concentrated beam of light. When it's complete, it should be able to blow almost any armored vehicle to pieces with one shot. The best part is that the thing is hand held."

"Why not use a rocket launcher?"

Gale laughed. "This baby is much more accurate, and it has a longer distance. The only down side is that it has to charge before firingoh, and it costs twelve million."

Aaron winced. "Yeah, I'm guessing they aren't being produced."

"Yetbut they will be. The UNSC rejected it, but if I gather enough data and prove its worth, they'll want it all right."

"You must have rocketed through school."

"Yeah, I did. Did you drop out?"

"Uh huh," Aaron said blandly as he leaned his head on the cold window again.

Gale acquired a confused face. "Why? You could have learned a lot and gotten a higher paying job, like something you like to do."

"I know."

"Maybe you'd find a girl and fall in love. Who knows, you could end up staying with her for the rest of your life."

"I know!" Aaron shouted, anger clear in his eyes.

Gale jumped back and stared at the floor. After a minute, he was working on his weapon again. "I'm sorry," Aaron exhaled.

Gale smiled. "It's okay man, I was being kind of annoying."

"So why are you going to be in the infantry if you want to work with intel?"

"They make you serve two years first," Gale grunted, "to show your dedication or something. I guess they figured you'd work better if you are blown to pieces."

Aaron laughed. "Yeah, that is pretty stupid."

"So what did you sign up for?" Gale asked.

"The Marines, air division."

Gale made a confused "Hm!", "I thought you were going to be a marine."

"Huh?"

"Well, you have the build for it."

Aaron shrugged. "I wanna fly."

"Until a massive ball of plasma smashes into your hornet and you explode."

"Thanks for the encouragement"

"No problem," Gale smiled.

Aaron looked at the window, forming an image of Shelia in his mind. Was this the right thing to do? Was thisA flash of light, and fire enveloped the train. It flew off of its tracks as shrapnel cut through its compartments.

Aaron opened his eyes. His vision was a blur at first, but it soon cleared. The first thing he saw was Gale, blood soaking the boy's hair. Aaron grunted as he stood. Gun shots rang out through the train, but not from covenant weaponry. "Innies." Aaron whispered.

A guard lay on cracked glass, a large piece of shrapnel jammed in his skull. Aaron took his MA5B, and crept through the train. He avoided the windows that were now below his feet. One noise could be the death of him. Sure enough, two compartments down stood seven insurrectionists. "Check the rest of the compartments." One ordered.

"There's nobody up there. We have to go now, or the UNSC will have drones flying over our heads in minutes." Another replied.

"Just do it!" The leader shouted.

"Fine, Jesus."

Aaron swallowed. He was about to kill for the first time. When the insurrectionist was half way to his position, Aaron jumped up from behind a seat. The Innie was completely off guard. The result was a face full of lead. The rest spun around, but Aaron had already pulled the trigger. Three out of the four remaining men were cut down.

The fourth Innie was wearing some sort of armor, causing Aaron's bullets to bounce off harmlessly. The boy ducked just in time to dodge the spray of a shotgun. The head rest above him was blown off, sending foam cushioning into the air. He could hear the clanking of the Insurrectionist's heavy boots.

Soon there was a loud shatter, and a muffled curse. Aaron bent around the corner of his seat to see what had happened. The man's leg had cracked through a window, and was jammed in the metal bars that were bracing it. Aaron ran forward as the Innie raised his head.

The boy kicked the man in the visor, causing his head to jerk back, revealing his throat. Aaron let loose the rest of his clip into the Insurrectionist's throat, spattering blood onto his cloths.

There was a slight pain in Aaron's stomach. He removed his shirt to see a slit leaking blood at stomach acid. His adrenaline had hid his potentially fatal wound. He dropped to the ground, landing on the dead insurrectionist, and blacked out.


[Edited on 03.24.2010 1:28 PM PDT]

  • 03.23.2010 5:40 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] The Last One [Prolague!]

How'd you find me?

Cool, but you need to fix all your grammar and spelling mistakes.

  • 03.23.2010 5:49 PM PDT
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Posted by: kingwrench
Cool, but you need to fix all your grammar and spelling mistakes.


Ran it through word, but I guess it didn't pick everything up. When something is spelt wanna, thats on purpouse, just so you know, but I'm sure there's other stuff. I'll run through it.

  • 03.23.2010 6:05 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] The Last One [Part One Is Up!]
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No matter how many seals are killed by sharks a year, it never seems to be enough :D

Well I was on B.net and I decided I'd take a stroll through the gallery forum. Ussualy I don't read the story's from new people, because they rarely last more than a week, but I'm pretty bored right now.

Very interesting, but I'm with wolver on the cheesy dialogue. What I do find interesting is that he is in the Air Force part of the UNSC. I do not believe that that has been written about before, so props on the originality, so far at least.

  • 03.24.2010 12:50 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Hornet 137 [Part One Is Up!]
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Part. 2



Aaron's eyes fluttered open to see Gillian McBride. "Hey mom."

"Hi, honey."

"Am I going to die?"

His mother smiled, "No, you are going to be just fine."

Jillan's son looked around the room, "Where's Sheila?"

"She isn't here...I'm sorry, Aaron."

"Wh-why?" Aaron's voice was quivering.

"I'm not sure."

A nurse entered the room. "I'm sorry Ma'am, but you're son is being moved to a military hospital."

Gillian was shocked, "Why? You can't just take people to a military hospital for no reason!"

"It says here on the sheet that he has enlisted for the UNSC Air Division." The woman said, tapping her clipboard.

"Aaron! What are you doing!?"

The extreme pain in his stomach made Aaron wince as he sat up. "I want to fight, okay?! I know a lot of kids who are joining the service, why shouldn't I?"

Aaron's mother rubbed her temples. "You're father may have died in the line of service, but that doesn't mean you have to fight. You don't have shoes to fill Aaron." Her voice was full of desperation.

"I know."

"You shouldn't have done this Aaron." Gillian said solemnly.

"But this is what I want to do." Aaron said as the nurse pushed him back down.

"I have to take him now ma'am." The nurse said. She hooked his i-v onto the cot, and began to roll him towards the door. Gillian was in shock as her baby was taken away, and thrown to the butchery humanity calls war.



[Edited on 03.24.2010 2:27 PM PDT]

  • 03.24.2010 1:26 PM PDT
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I love the complainers that complain about the complainers complaining.

Posted by: Wolverfrog
You know you can't actually just join the ODSTs right? I made a mistake with that back in Memoirs, and only managed to have it make a bit of sense with some careful arse-covering later on.

To join the ODSTs you have to be hand picked, and be a trained soldier for years.

Other than that, the dialogue was really, really cheesy, but the story could be okay if you work at it. Decent enough writing too. Keep going.

You know the first part of the story had nothing to do with ODSTs right? And I didn't really think it was that bad. Wolver is a veteran at writing fanfic, so don't be discouraged.

[Edited on 03.24.2010 1:37 PM PDT]

  • 03.24.2010 1:37 PM PDT

Posted by: HALOSPECTER144
Posted by: Wolverfrog
You know you can't actually just join the ODSTs right? I made a mistake with that back in Memoirs, and only managed to have it make a bit of sense with some careful arse-covering later on.

To join the ODSTs you have to be hand picked, and be a trained soldier for years.

Other than that, the dialogue was really, really cheesy, but the story could be okay if you work at it. Decent enough writing too. Keep going.

You know the first part of the story had nothing to do with ODSTs right? And I didn't really think it was that bad. Wolver is a veteran at writing fanfic, so don't be discouraged.


He changed it to Air Force. Besides, I think it's good. I just tend to be blunt when giving advice.

Edit: Read the recent parts, good writing, but the dialogue is still so cheesy.

[Edited on 03.24.2010 1:53 PM PDT]

  • 03.24.2010 1:51 PM PDT
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Edit: Read the recent parts, good writing, but the dialogue is still so cheesy.


How can I change that?

  • 03.24.2010 2:24 PM PDT

How'd you find me?

Try making the characters talk more organically, like you would talk, but not so they talk like you. Very interesting story.

  • 03.24.2010 5:29 PM PDT

Posted by: The Munchies



Edit: Read the recent parts, good writing, but the dialogue is still so cheesy.


How can I change that?


Watch some war movies, read some science fiction novels. There are different types of military dialogue; Patriotic, indoctrinated, depressed, hopeless, confident, arrogant, etc.

Mix and match different personalities with different characters.

  • 03.25.2010 12:14 AM PDT
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No matter how many seals are killed by sharks a year, it never seems to be enough :D

Read part three. It's pretty good, but you should work on your diolague. Not to bash on the same point over and over. I cant wait to read about a fight seen in the hornets!

  • 03.28.2010 12:31 PM PDT
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Part. 4


Aaron was put on a pelican, which flew to him to an air division training base. He was then placed in the hospital, and put into deep sedation. It accelerating his body's healing process, and he would be woken up as soon as he was healed.

Aaron's eyes fluttered open. His vision was blurred, and his healing was muffled. He felt a sting in his arm, and everything cleared up. A doctor grabbed his arm, and pulled him up. "Get dressed," he motioned to a folded set of fatigues, "There's a marine outside the door. He'll lead you to the exit."

"But I feel sick." Aaron moaned.

"Too bad."

"-blam!-." Aaron mumbled as he walked over to his fatigues, and began to put them on. When he finished, he stepped outside of the door. A marine motioned him to follow, and led him to a set of double doors.

Aaron stepped outside, wincing at the bright sun. It felt like he was a fish on a frying pan. A man wearing fatigues and an olive green cap spotted him, and walked in his direction. Aaron knew this couldn't end well. He slipped his hands into his pockets, a nervous habit.

When the man in the cap reached Aaron, he looked him up and down. "Well don't we have a fit one here?" He said in the common drill sergeant voice, "So I guess you figured you'd jog on in here and show everyone how much of a hotshot you are, hu son? Yeah that's what was goin through your empty skull."

Aaron cleared his throat. "Actually I just felt like j-"

"Are you back talkin me candidate?! Drop'n give me two hundred!"

"What?! Are you insane, I can't do that!"

"Three hundred for given me lip!" The drill sergeant shouted. The volume of his voice was incredible. It was as if he had a megaphone built into his throat. He had obviously been doing this for a long long time, and knew how to break people.

A line of soldiers jogged by, running their perimeter. They all winced as they saw Aaron drop to the ground, and start his pushups. After about thirty, Aaron dropped to the ground. "I can't do this sir."

"Did you just call me sir?!" The sergeant roared, "I work for a living god damn it! You call me Drill Sergeant O'Brian! Got it?!"

"Yes Drill Sergeant O'Brian." Aaron grunted, struggling to continue his pushups.

"What was that soldier?! I couldn't hear you!"

"Yes Drill Sergeant O'Brian!"

All of the candidates stopped behind the sergeant, and fell in line. The officer turned around, and took a good look at his trainees. He stepped up to one of them, and attempted to look him in the eye. The candidate did his best to avoid the man's gaze. Unfortunately, he failed. "Are you eye ballin me candidate?!"

"No Drill Sergeant O'Brian!" The victim replied.

"Did you just back talk me candidate!" The candidate gave up, and jogged off to run more perimeters, "Damn right! The rest of you are to report to the ring for hand to hand combat training. You too maggot."

Aaron got up, and jogged to the ring with the other candidates. The ring was still outside under the blazing sun. Everyone's boots crunched on the dirt beneath their combat boots as they formed a crowd around it. The drill sergeant jumped into the ring, and took a look at the candidates. "Come on up." He said, pointing to Aaron.

Aaron hesitantly grabbed the blue, elastic rails of the elevated platform, and pulled himself up into the ring. "What do you want me to do Drill Sergeant O'Brian?"

"Come at me son. Give me all you've got." All of the candidates cringed, another demonstration. They often ended with a trainee getting a broken arm, leg, or some other bone. Outside of the ring a drill sergeant couldn't physically harm you, but in the ring, the only boundaries were lethal and permanently damaging force.

Aaron took a deep breath, and dashed forward. The drill sergeant tucked low, and rammed into Aaron's stomach. Pushing up, he flipped the candidate over, and sent him into the elastic rails. Aaron got up, and ran at him again. This time the drill sergeant moved to the side, and delivered a strong punch to Aaron's ribs.

Aaron was pushed to the side, but the drill sergeant cried out in pain. His hand had broken

  • 03.29.2010 12:39 PM PDT