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  • Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 21 is out!)
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 21 is out!)

How'd you find me?

This is my first fanfic after reading the awesomeness that is Wolverfrog. Fair warning: there's a high chance of suck starting to gather around this story. Read at your own peril!

Her are the links to the chapters.

1.Hell Jumpers

2. Feet First...

3. Into Hell

4. And That Was the Easy Part...

5.It Looked Better in the Brochure

6. A Rock and A Hard Place

7. A Tough Decision

8. Meeting New People

9. To Hell With Morals

10. Right Back Where We Started

11. Time Flies

12. The Beginning of the End

13. A Call to Arms

14. The Fastest Cyborg Alive

15. Take the Octopus and Run

16. The Vacuum Is Our Friend

17. A Little R&R

18. Going In Guns Blazing

19. We Hardly Knew Ye

20. It's Just A Flesh Wound

21. A Good Captain

1. Hell Jumpers
Richard Martin's eyes darted around the room he was in. The dark cabin was mostly empty besides the hologram projector in the center of the floor and the rows upon rows of black drop pods lining both sides of the space like humongous metal cocoons. Though he'd been in rooms like this for most of his military career, it still made him gape. The very purpose of the room and even the the stealth prowler he was standing in right then was to drop him out of the sky onto the ground without killing him.
Every time Richard considered this, it made him feel suicidal. Dropping in a cramped metallic coffin to the planet below was, after all, suicide. Still, Richard did it for a living. Was it for the thrill? Richard would ask himself. But the answer was no; Richard didn't believe tempting fate was exhilarating; actually, after most drops he had to take off his helmet for risk of vomiting inside it. The truth was that Richard was doing this to prove himself to a man long dead, his father.
Richard thought about his father; he always had a look in his eye whenever he saw Richard and his siblings, a look that told them that he would always be there for them.
Richard's thoughts of his father were disturbed by the arrival of the rest of his squad.
"Back to reality, Doc!" Sergeant Duun bellowed, startlig Richard and causing him to stand at attention."Why here so early, private?" Duun continued,his voice now at a more acceptable volume.
"Just gearing up," Richard replied as he picked up his helmet and secured it on his head.
"Good soldier," Duun grunted as he armored up and grabbed a suppressed SMG and a magnum from the weapons rack.
"Yeah, you deserve a medal of honor for your early arrival," Red jeered as she walked past Richard.
Richard just stared as Red passed by. To Richard, Red was an enigma-he knew almost nothing about her,not even her name. The only thing he did know was her reputation as a sniper- he once heard a rumor she killed a Brute Chieftan, two hunters, and a squad of elites from one carefully placed bullet that hit an unattentive grunt in the methane tank.
He also knew she was beautiful and that he had strong feelings for her. Their was just something about her eyes and her fiery red hair that made his heart flutter. The only person that he ever told about his feelings for Red was Tim Snart, otherwise known as Cowboy and the final member of Richard's squad. At that moment Cowboy let out a loud yawn that echoed throughout the room.
"An' here I was, thinking we'd get a break from all this fighting," Cowboy stated, stretching his arms and yawning again.
"Cut the theatrics, Snart!" Duun growled, his voice expressing his disdain for the soldier he was scolding.
"Sorry boss," Cowboy called out nonchalantly as he picked up a shotgun from the weapons rack and drifted over to the holagraphic image being displayed on the large table in the middle of the room.
As soon as Cowboy came over, Duun began outlining the battle plan for the squads latest mission. When he was done, Duun made eye contact with everyone in the room.
"Everyone get the plan?" he said, his eyes resting upon the visor of Richard.
Simaltanously, everyone said, "Sir, yes, sir!"
"All right then," Duun said, relaxing his tense muscles,"in five minutes, we drop to Reach."


[Edited on 11.02.2010 12:59 PM PDT]

  • 03.22.2010 9:35 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell

Shows promise. Tidy up your paragraphing and keep going. Try and make the story original.

  • 03.23.2010 12:42 AM PDT

How'd you find me?


Posted by: Wolverfrog
Shows promise. Tidy up your paragraphing and keep going. Try and make the story original.

Well now I'm flattered. I'm glad you like it. Before posting the next part, I want there to be some more people interested in the story. Maybe I'll just do it anyway, like you did with True Sanghelli. An excelent story by the way.

  • 03.23.2010 4:09 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 5 is out!)

How'd you find me?

Yeah, no one else is replying. However, I'm sick and can't go to school so I have nothing better to do. Here comes part 2! The city is subject to change when Halo Reach comes out.

2.Feet First...
"Can't believe those Covie bastards, attacking Reach," Cowboy muttered to himself, no longer trying to crack jokes or bother Duun. What was about to happen was serious, and at that moment, so was Cowboy.
"They have some balls, I'll give them that," Red stated, examining her sniper rifle. "Too bad they're all alien sons of -blam!-es that are gonna die."
Richard heard the conversation, but didn't give his opinion on the situation; he was too busy loading medical supplies into his pack and around his belt. He carried so much supplies that he only carried a magnum; he used most of the space in the weapons rack to hold medical tools. Richard was also a pacifist, and he hated killing; the first time he killed a grunt, he threw up. So a magnum suited him fine; it gave him space for his equipment and a weapon that, if forced to, he could use.
"Alright ladies," Duun announced, placing his helmet onto his head and turning on the opacity,"showtime!"
Red gave Duun a quizzical look and raised her eyebrow.
Duun sighed, annoyed at her behavior.
"Alright ladies and Red," he grumbled, embarrassed by the sniper's behavior."We're getting in our pods and dropping into Palahaza. We're to help with evacuating the civilians;the marines and the Spartans will keep the Covenant off our asses."
"Evac?" Cowboy questioned, frowning. "Why are we dropping into the city from outer space if we're just doing evac?"
"Because the area around the city is hotter than a brute's stinking breath, that's why. We're gonna kill the Covenant coming into the city, secure an LZ and hold our position with civilians until a transport arrives. Any questions?"
Richard had one. "What if the transport doesn't make it?"
Duun looked him him in the eye and said,"If that happens, we're all dead. Now everyone, get to your pods! We have a city to save!"
Richard rushed into his pod and secured himself in his seat. He heard Duun's voice over his comms and saw his image in the screen in front of him, but he wasn't paying attention as his pod prepared to drop him feet first into hell. All he thought of was Duun's very truthful answer to his question: "If that happens, we're dead." Richard was certain that he'd throw up before his pod hit the ground.

[Edited on 03.29.2010 5:02 AM PDT]

  • 03.23.2010 5:30 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell

Good once again. I'll just give you a little bit of advice on formatting and presenting your story.

Try and space out the story. You're not writing a paperback novel, you're writing a story people will read on LCD screens, so make it easy on the eyes. Also remember that when talking about the same topic you needn't start a new paragraph, unless it's to make for easier reading.

For example...

"Alright ladies," Duun announced, placing his helmet onto his head and turning on the opacity,"showtime!"
Red gave Duun a quizzical look and raised her eyebrow.
Duun sighed, annoyed at her behavior.


Would become...

"Alright ladies," Duun announced, placing his helmet onto his head and turning on the opacity."Showtime!"

Red gave Duun a quizzical look and raised her eyebrow. Duun sighed, annoyed at her behavior.


Try to keep that in mind when writing new parts. I used to do the same thing with my story until someone gave me this advice.

Keep going.

  • 03.23.2010 9:14 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 5 is out!)

How'd you find me?

3.... Into Hell
Richard felt sick as his pod came into the drop position. Looking out the front of the metal and glass box, all he could see was the black interior of the ship and some light radiating from the dim morning sky. Then the pod dropped.
Richard felt like he was going to die. Every time he dropped, he felt the same way; that he wouldn't make it to the ground. As Richard pondered this, he was once again torn away from his thoughts by Sergeant Duun's booming voice.
"Watch out, marines! They've got anti aircraft wraiths in position!" Duun yelled through the video communicator.
Richard looked below and saw it was true. Hurtling into the sky were green bolts of plasma fired from tanks specifically designed to destroy air targets, such as ODST drop pods. Richard began to panic. What was going to happen to him and his squad? Richard didn't have time to consider the answer because, at that moment, a green plasma bolt hurtled towards his pod.
Is this how I die?Richard thought to himself as he, in vain, tried to manuever his pod against the strong winds away from the bolt. But as it turned out, he needn't worry; another pod was hit by the bolt as it was blown off course, and the occupant was cooked by the extreme heat. Richard didn't feel happy that he had lived; he actually felt worse. In some way, Richard felt responsible for the death of one of his comrades. He then learned which one.
"Oh my gad!" Cowboy yelled over the comms,"the covies just killed Sarge!"
Richard nearly passed out in his pod. Sergeant Duun just sacrificed himself to save me, he thought, the truth sending shivers down his spine. However, he didn't get time to mourn his superiors death. The soldier on the other video screen called out,"This is Gunnery Sergeant Edward Buck! Everyone brace for impact!"
And just like that, Richard's pod smashed into the ground.

[Edited on 03.29.2010 5:01 AM PDT]

  • 03.23.2010 11:55 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell
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No matter how many seals are killed by sharks a year, it never seems to be enough :D

Just read part one, and I'm glad I gave it a chance. The writing is very nice, but you do need to work on your spacing. Slipping a little romance in there hu buddy? *nudge nudge* Just be carefull not to go so far into that as to neglect the plotline.

  • 03.24.2010 12:55 PM PDT
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I like the way you characterized richard. Good writing, and it is very captivating already.

  • 03.24.2010 1:06 PM PDT

How'd you find me?

Thanks, everybody! I had convinced myself that Wolverfrog was the only one reading and everyone was too busy looking at art and LOL cat pictures. Thanks for the support!

  • 03.24.2010 4:20 PM PDT

How'd you find me?

Yeah, waiting for more people to post seems futile. So, onward to Part 4!
4.And That Was the Easy Part...
Richard's pod burst upon and he collapsed on the ground, sides heaving. He then forcefully ripped off his helmet and vomited onto the dusty road. Richard wiped the bile off the side of his mouth with the gauntlet of his armor. That was the worst drop yet,he thought, taking in ragged gulps of air. When he was done hyperventilating, Richard leaned back into his pod, in a state of shock. He was vaguely aware of noises coming from his helmet, but he didn't care; his mind couldn't process what was happening anyway. Richard finally picked up his helmet and responded when he heard yelling coming from the helmet's weak speakers.
"-Oh my god, Richard, come on, don't be dead-" Cowboy cried hysterically into the comms.
"Relax, Cowboy. I'm alive. Just barely."
"That's a relief." Richard's squad mate breathed a heavy sigh into the mic, making Richard consider the bond he shared with his fellow ODST. "Hey, where are you, man? Me and Red are near the edge of town with another squad. We can see the marines and the covies going at it. I don't like the looks of things."
Richard quickly activated his V.I.S.R. and dipped into the humongous database at his fingertips, quickly accessing the map feature and finding Red and cowboy's exact location.
"You're three blocks away from me," Richard stated, deactivating the mobile database and taking his medical supplies from the weapons rack in his ruined pod,apparently over the shock of his sergeant's death, "I'll come to you."
"Roger. And hurry up, man. We got civilians here and they're getting unruly." Cowboy then asked a question that Richard knew made him uncomfortable. "Hey, uh, Rich... you know where sarge's pod is?"
"Negative," Richard replied, loading up his magnum. "over and out." And with that final remark, Richard was off.

  • 03.24.2010 6:18 PM PDT

This is good, but I can't get into it when the chapters are so short. Try and make them at least 10,000 characters; often mine are usually 20,000 characters or more.

  • 03.25.2010 12:15 AM PDT

How'd you find me?

Yeah, I know. I didn't have much time to work on that one because I was sick and had to go to bed early. The next part won't be a new chapter, it will just be a continuation of this chapter.

  • 03.25.2010 3:14 AM PDT

\¯\/¯/ |¯|)¯) /¯/\¯\ \¯\/¯/
huntdaw
/_/\_\ |_|)_) \_\/_/ /_/\_\ Yup XBOX.

i can't stop reading this stuff!!!!! it's to good

  • 03.25.2010 3:37 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 5 is out!)

How'd you find me?


5.It Looked Better in the Brochure
An elite ultra charged at a marine who had just finished dispatching several grunts. He kicked the soldier to the ground with his powerful right foot, knocking the breath out of the marine. The Ultra then took out his energy sword to impale the marine who he held under his foot.
He didn't get the chance. The elite collapsed to the ground, his head and torso purple from two bullet holes. Fifty feet away, Red smiled, reloaded her sniper rifle and turned back to the group of people in front of her.
"Red, what the hell did you just do?" Cowboy yelled at her, not even caring that there were two children in the group of civilians they had found hiding from a squad of grunts and jackals.
"I was giving a marine some help," Red replied, staring at Cowboy uninterestedly from behind her visor.
"What you gave away is our cover, you-"
"Shut up, you two! Skull is waking up," Bones said, throwing down his spartan laser to make it easier to crouch besides his sister.
Skull and Bones were twins and joined the ODSTs at the same time as Richard and Cowboy. Orignally, they had been in the same squad until their sergeant died; Skull and Bones were transfered to a different squad than Cowboy and Doc. However, they were still on the same ship and remained friends.
Right then, though, none of that mattered. Skull was hurt, badly. A plasma burst had burned through her side, and it didn't look like she would make it. Bones still hoped that Doc had something to help his sister.
"Hey, Trish, you okay?" Bones asked as he removed his helmet and put it down next to hers.
Skull looked up her eyes foggy. "What?.." she searched for the words, trying to lay up and instantly wishing she hadn't.
"Plasma fire. It burned clear through you. Don't worry, the Doc's coming. He'll help you out." Bones tried to reassure his sister. He wasn't very good at it.
"I'm going to die, aren't I?"
"You're not going to die-"
A civilian came up to the group of ODSTs. "Um, someone else is coming," they said, looking down at the ground.
Cowboy looked up from Skull and Bones, glad to no longer be watching the depressing scene. "Who-"
Richard walked into the gathering of people,his helmet under one arm.
"Doc!" Cowboy exclaimed, glad to see his friend.
"Hi guys. What did I miss?"




[Edited on 03.29.2010 5:04 AM PDT]

  • 03.27.2010 11:09 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell

"I... believe I understand, sir," John said. "But which was it on this last mission? Lives spent? Or lives wasted?"
Mendez turned back toward the blackness of space and didn't answer.

The only thing that would be nice is if you chapter titled every story post. Other than that, this is one of the best Fan Fictions I've ever read.

  • 03.27.2010 6:07 PM PDT

How'd you find me?

Thanks! And double thanks for not making a "Skull and Bones" joke. I'm starting to have doubts about the names...

  • 03.27.2010 7:31 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 6 is out!)

How'd you find me?

6. A Rock and A Hard Place

"Richard, good to see you," Bones said, standing up to shake Richard's hand. "Doc, my sister is looking bad," Bones said, the small smile that had appeared on his face when he shook Richard's hands completely vanishing.
Richard's own smile disappeared and his face grew dark and serious. This always happened when he learned about a patient's condition.
Richard bent sown to inspect Skull's wound. He could tell it was plasma fire that had done the damage. A fully charged shot from a plasma pistol, he guessed.
Richard took out biofoam canister from his rucksack and injected it into Skull's wound. She winced, but said nothing;she had gotten used to enduring painful experiences during her training. Richard stood up; there was nothing more he could do to help his friend. Bones rushed to her side.
"Can you stand?" he asked, crouching next to his sister.
"Yes." Skull began to rise, but let out a yelp of pain and dropped to the ground. It seemed that the pain from the covenant weapon fire was more intense than she had thought.
"Apparently not," Red stated, looking at the full on war going on outside the city.
"Red, why are you acting like such a bi-" Cowboy started to say, but Richard stopped him.
"Tim, why don't you help Bones get Skull on her feet?" It was in Richard's nature to stop confrontations; he was a pacifist.
Cowboy glared at Red before walking away. Richard simply looked at Red for a few seconds while she watched the battle raging in front of her. Finally, Richard asked:"Why do you always act like that?"
"What do you mean?" she responded. Richard could tell she was getting defensive.
"Why do you act so cold and detached from everyone else, like we're nothing?" Richard could tell that the civilians and his fellow ODSTs were beginning to stare.
"How do you know that's just not how I am?" Red was starting to get angrier; the look she was giving Richard could kill an entire squad of hunters. Still, Richard held his ground.
"Because no one is like that! No one can just be a cold -blam!- who hates everyone else and enjoys killing more than anything else in life!"
Red's eyes went wild and she slugged Richard in the face. Richard really wished he had worn a helmet.
The punch threw Richard off balance and the edge of his vision began to blur. Cowboy rushed over to where he fell. As Richard blacked out, all he could think was:You're in love with her?
Richard awoke to Cowboy shaking him. "Hey, you alright, cuz?"
Richard's nose was bloody and he felt ashamed. He'd never exploded at someone like that before. why would he do it to someone he so greatly cared about?
"Where did Red go?" Richard noticed when he took a quick look around that Red wasn't there. He wanted to apologize to her, even if she was the one who broke his nose.
"She said she was gonna do some recon. Me, I think she was afraid of you giving her a court martial."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're a corporal, remember? And since our sarge and Skull and Bones' sarge are both dead, you're in charge."
It was true. Richard was the only corporal in the group of ODSTs, so he was technically in charge. Richard didn't like the thought of that. Though he was told that he was a natural born leader, Richard didn't want to be responsible for his friends lives.
"Uh, sirs?" one of the civilians interrupted his thoughts. He was short and looked young, around eighteen. He had been watching the marines with interest, until he had seen something that alarmed him greatly. "You're friends coming back."
Red dashed onto the street and ducked into an alley.
"Everyone get to cover!" she yelled. Richard looked back up the street. There was a humongous line of covenant soldiers advancing to them. Richard herded the civilians into the alley just as a barrage of plasma fire hurtled towards them.
"Good, we're all alive," Richard said, putting on his helmet and taking out his magnum.
"Wait," Cowboy said, looking around the small alley, "where are-"
"Help!" the scream ripped through the air. Richard glanced around the corner and saw, to his horror, two elites holding Skull and Bones beneath their feet, about to shoot them in their heads with a plasma rifle.


[Edited on 03.30.2010 2:02 PM PDT]

  • 03.29.2010 4:11 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 7 is out!)

How'd you find me?

7. Tough Choices
Richard knew what had to be done. Though he was a pacifist, Richard was deadly with a magnum. And even if he threw up after killing a grunt for the first time, he didn't when he killed his second or third. And he wouldn't throw up after killing something trying to hurt his friends.
Richard nodded to Cowboy, who nodded back. Then they charged out of the alley. Richard raised his magnum and fired six consecutive shots into the head of the elite who had pinned down Bones. The first three armor piercing bullets lowered the elites energy shield, and the next three ripped through its brain and killed it. The other elite, stunned, didn't even realize that Cowboy had rushed him and knocked him to the ground until a shotgun shell blasted through his chest. The grunts and jackals that had been with the two elites were all killed simaltaneously by a grenade thrown by Richard. It seemed that all that the coast was clear.. until a sniper bullet wizzed by Richard's head. He looked forward to see where Red had just fired at, hoping it wasn't him, and saw the large target he and Cowboy had missed: two hunters. Both were dead from the single sniper bullet Red had fired. Richard was in shock. Her aim is that good?he thought, realizing how deadly she was.
Richard then remembered his friends laying on the ground and helped Bones to his feet.
"That was amazing, Richard," Bones commented, raising himself up from the ground with Richard's assistance. "I thought you were a pacifist."
"I am," Richard replied, watching Cowboy lift Skull up from the gravel covered road, "but just because I am doesn't mean I don't know how to handle myself. And Cowboy and Red handled the enemies just as well as I did, if not better."
Red came out of the alley with the civilians just as Richard said her name. Speak of the devil, he thought.
"That was fun and all, but don't you think we should secure an LZ for the rescue transport?" she said, her voice still as cold as ice.
"Right," Richard said, thinking, "But first we need some transportation."
*****
The truck was was new and had a sleek chrome finish. Cowboy loved the feel of the wheel in his hands; it reminded him of old times in Texas. He honked it's horn at his fellow marines and the civilians; he was ready to go.
"I call shotgun!" Bones was known for his sense of humor and always seemed to ride in the passenger side of most vehicles. Richard, Red, Bones, and the civilians stayed in the back, Richard tending to Skull and Red keeping watch for Covenant soldiers. The short eighteen year old watched Richard with curiosity.
"How are you holding up?" Richard asked Skull. She could walk now, but it still caused her a lot of pain. The wound was bad, Richard could tell. There was a high chance she wouldn't live. Still, there was a chance; she was strong and healthy.
"I'm fine," she said, but Richard could see how she labored to say the words. Richard knew that the biofoam could only do so much.
"Hey, anyone know where we're going?" Bones called to the back of the truck. Richard checked his VISR.
"City center," he said, checking their distance from the spot. "It's a mile or two away."
"Okay, Bones, you're the navigator now," Cowboy stated, enjoying driving the truck immenslely.
"Whatever," Bones said, activating his VISR. We might just live, Richard thought to himself, smiling to himself inside his helmet. It was the first good thought he had all day.

[Edited on 04.02.2010 5:02 PM PDT]

  • 04.02.2010 8:42 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 6 is out!)
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I have two more parts to read, but its really nice out so ima go sit outside for a while. I'm lovin it man. Really great read. A lto of fun :D

  • 04.02.2010 9:03 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 7 is out!)

How'd you find me?

8. Meeting new People
Cowboy drove the truck into the area just outside the LZ. Weapons raised, the ODSTs left their vehicle and began to scout the area. The city center was completely gone, evacuated destroyed by short sword bombs to make room for the transport. The debris were cleared out by elephants taken down in large drop platforms from a much lower position in the atmosphere. Then ODSTs dropped in and began to operate the mammoth transports. They were still being used to transport civilians to the landing zone. Other ODST squads, like Richard's and Bones', had been dropped further from the city center to get to any spots the elephants couldn't reach. They were also dropped to eliminate enemy combatants to keep the evacuation running smoothly. The transport would be landing in four hours. The UNSC hoped that would be enough time to get to most of the survivors. Emphasis on "hoped."
Richard and the others were greeted by another ODST in CQB variant armor who stood behind a barrier hastily built out of debris. If the covenant came, the ODSTs were ready for a fight.
The ODST looked at Richard and the rest of his group and then at the civilians in the truck. he nodded at them and Richard motioned for the civilians to get out of the truck. He then pushed a section of the debris out of the way and let everyone in before closing it again.
"The civilians need to go over there," the ODST guarding the entrance said, pointing to a building at the edge of the newly erected wall, made mostly of more debris from the city center. Richard realized that their were also some wreckage from drop platforms and elephants in the wall. Not all of them made it in the drop.
Richard spotted something in the middle of the horde of soldiers and civilians. It was light glinting off the visors of Spartans. Richard's heart leaped into his throat. Most ODSTs hated Spartans, but Richard was the exception. Richard idolized the super soldiers and thought that they were amazing. The voice of another soldier snapped Richard back to reality.
"Are you a medical officer?" It was another ODST, this time in the Recon variant armor. Richard knew immediately that the soldier in front of him was an O.N.I. operative. Richard began to scrutinize every detail of the soldiers armor. What's ONI doing here? Richard wondered. No one trusted ONI. They were cloak and dagger, a perfect example of the government using smoke and mirrors to keep the public blind and care-free. Still, the ONI operative most likely outranked Richard, and he had to answer.
"Yes, sir." Richard wore a large red cross on his chest to identify him from other soldiers; the operative was probably just asking to confirm his thoughts. Richard stood at attention in front of the other man; he needed to look as respectful as possible to show he could be taken seriously; behind his visor, however, he was grimacing.
"Good. We need a medical officer for our next run in the elephant," the officer elaborated, pointing towards one of the humongous troop transports with his index finger. "All of the other medical personel are otherwise occupied treating the wounded, so-"
"I'll go, Richard said, walking towards the the repurposed vehicle.
"I'll go too."
Richard checked to see who had said that. It was Red. Richard didn't actually want her coming along; he was afraid his feelings for her and her recent actions would get in the way of the mission; still, the more the merrier. So they were off back into hell.
******
"Richard," Red tapped him on the shoulder. He had been polishing his new assault rifle. It had been given to him by another ODST when he had gotten on the elephant. "You can't kill covies with just a pistol," said the soldier who had given him the gun. Richard liked the feel of the weapon in his hands; he had also realized that his time as a soldier had made him something not even remotely close to a pacifist.
"Yes?" he asked, looking up. Red's helmet was off, and her red hair hung in a ponytail behind her head. Richard felt butterflies in his stomach; not even being sucker punched in the face could change his feelings for her.
"I want to apologize for punching you in the nose," Red explained, her voice missing it's usual cold edge. Richard wondered what had happened; usually she acted like he was a bug beneath her. Why the sudden change of heart?
"It's okay," Richard replied. Not only was he a helpless romantic, but he was shy, too. Richard felt like an ass.
"Right," Red continued, seeming like a totally different person. "I just wanted to-"
Red was cut off by a loud screeching noise.
"Banshees! Hit the deck!" everyone obeyed the order shouted out by the ONI operative and ran behind the large display screen inside the elephant. Just as they got to cover, several plasma bolts hit the interior of the elephant, killing the driver. Several more plasma bolts hit the treads of the elephant, flipping it over. The ODSTs inside tumbled over each other and landed in a heap over the mongoose, except for Richard, who was pinned beneath it. He could barely breathe because the vehicle was crushing his chest.
To make matters worse, a phantom dropship landed just outside the elephant.

[Edited on 04.02.2010 10:38 PM PDT]

  • 04.02.2010 9:29 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

This story is pretty good :D As Wolvers has said, you really need to work on your paragraphing. Leave a whole line between paragraphs and speech, because it breaks the story up into chunks and makes it much more digestible for the reader.

Your variety of vocabulary is great though, and I did not notice any spelling or grammar errors. But, knowing me, I may have missed a couple.

Your story is sound, as is your dialogue, but again as Wolvers said earlier, you must make sure that it is original. You should also add some more description to make it more interesting.

Great effort though :D Keep it up.

  • 04.03.2010 6:41 AM PDT
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Just read up to part eight. Great stuff man! Face punch by red haha. Keep it up!

  • 04.03.2010 7:21 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 9 is out!)

How'd you find me?

9. To Hell With Morals

Richard still struggled to lift the mongoose off his chest as his fellow soldiers fled from the transport and more covenant troops poured out of the phantom. He didn't want to die like this, crushed beneath a motorcycle. And he especially didn't want to be killed by what was pouring out of the phantom: brutes.

Richard cursed his luck: the phantom had been filled with jetpack brutes and a chieftan. How was he supposed to kill a chieftan? Richard pushed harder against the mongoose, finally lifting it high enough for him to roll out from underneath it. He was a bit late though; the chieftan was already charging at the elephant.

Richard started running; it was useless, though; the chieftan had already made it to the front of the elephant with the mongoose. Richard had an idea then. He took out his magnum and aimed right for the gas tank on the mongoose. The chieftan was closer, but he could still do some damage with the explosion. Richard fired off six rounds into the mongoose.

The brute crumpled under the explosion; it seemed that some ODSTs had left grenades lying on the floor, just adding to the blast. Richard took out his assault rifle and aimed for the head of the downed beast. It was trying to get back, using it's immense gravity hammer for balance.

"You're not getting back up," Richard said, emptying an entire clip in the beasts head. It was dead, no doubt about it. Richard walked over to its corpse and picked up the large gravity hammer that lay on the street besides the brute. This could be useful, Richard thought, picking up the large weapon. He was right.

The jetpack brutes came in one giant wave from behind the elephant; they knew their brother was dead. They were about to join him. Richard swung his hammer through the air, a wave of gravity crushing a brute that had just landed and sent another flying into a wall. Richard swung again, smashing the legs of another alien and then crushing its skull with the other end of the hammer. One came from behind Richard and tackled him to the ground. Richard pulled out his magnum and stuck it in the brutes eye even as he was forced to the ground. He fired, splattering blood and brains onto the gray street. Two more brutes flew at him, but he tossed a spike grenade taken from the dead brute beside him. The explosive landed on the chest of one of them and the explosion caused by the fuel inside the jetpack killed both brutes. Richard picked up the gravity hammer and slid it into the space between his back and his rucksack. He was keeping that hammer.

A voice began to buzz in his ear. It was Red's. "Richard, are you all right? Don't be dead or I'll kick your ass."

Richard was still unsure how to react to Red's recent behavior; she seemed a lot more caring, like she had just grown a soul in a matter of hours. It was disorienting to him; still, he responded. "Yeah, I'm here. I just killed a chieftan and a couple jetpack brutes."

"Yeah, we saw the explosions from here. What did you use to kill the chieftan, a tank?"

"An exploding mongoose." Richard had to tell the truth; it wasn't his fault that the truth was ridiculous.

"Right." Red seemed skeptical. Even the explosions couldn't prove to her that Richard could do something like that. "Hey, stay put. We found a transport hog, so we're heading back to the LZ. We'll grab you on the way there."

"Roger." Richard said nothing more and terminated the comm link. Now, he would have to wait.

*****
"You weren't kidding, were you?" Red said as Richard entered the transport hog. Red was admiring wreckage of the elephant and the battle Richard had had with the brutes. Richard simply shrugged; he had done his duty as an ODST: "Take names and kick ass," as Duun had once said.

"You ever think of joining ONI, son?" This question came from the ONI operative in recon armor. He was sitting in the chair across from Richard. Richard still didn't like or trust him; it was something about his voice, and the fact that he worked for ONI.

"No." It was an honest answer: Richard hated ONI and everything it stood for.

"It's a shame. We could use more men like you," the operative said, laying his helmet against the headrest of his seat. Richard wanted to hit him in the face for some reason.

"Sir, we're approaching the LZ." This time the driver spoke; he was a heavy weapons specialist.

"Good," the ONI operative said, not even caring to look at the driver. "Tell one of the Spartans to come over here. We still have civilians to save."

Richard's heart began to beat fast. He was going to meet a Spartan!



[Edited on 04.03.2010 9:51 PM PDT]

  • 04.03.2010 8:29 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] Halo ODST: Dropping Into Hell(Part 7 is out!)

irc.adelais.net - #bungienet known as: Frog

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"..maintain discipline!"

Cool, keep up the good work.

  • 04.03.2010 8:43 PM PDT

How'd you find me?

Thanks, everybody! Hey, I'm gonna be on vacation, so someone try to keep the thread alive if I can't post.

  • 04.03.2010 9:00 PM PDT