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This topic has moved here: Subject: Reach: A Poem
  • Subject: Reach: A Poem
Subject: Reach: A Poem

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|| Average Joe ||

This is my first venture into the world of poetry, as usually I stick to the safer world of story-writing. Still, I've been considering this for a while, and I've finally created a poem which I believe you will like. I'm open to all criticism. One more note is that each stanza is only meant to rhyme on the second and fourth lines, but for the first two stanzas it rhymes on the first and third lines too.

Thanks, and enjoy.



Thump. Thump. Thump. Goes the sound of my heart,
As it pumps the life-blood through my veins.
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. There's the sound of the start,
As the Covenant march on their way.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Goes the sky up above,
As the Cruisers fire down at the ground.
Crash. Crash. Crash, plasma tears up my love:
The planet which I must hold down.

Help. Help. Help, are the screams of despair,
Brave soldiers are felled one by one.
Retreat! Retreat! Retreat! yells the Sergeant at Arms,
As he knows that this fight can't be won.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Go the falling marines,
Struck down as they serve their home.
No! No! No! Are the screams of denial,
Shortly ended by merciless foes.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Goes the sound of my heart,
As it pumps my last pulse through my veins.
No. No. No... As I take my last breath,
And Reach burns in a million flames.

  • 04.26.2010 12:36 PM PDT
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It's All crazy, It's All false, It's All a dream........ It's Alright.

I really like it.
But just a little bit of constructive criticism, It doesn't really capture the scale of a whole planet dieing :(

Still I really like it, it just doesn't seem as epic as the fall should.

  • 04.29.2010 7:48 AM PDT

@JosephBiwald
View my Art

Per Audacia Ad Astra

Wow great use of words, I like how in every start of a new phrase their is an action.

  • 04.29.2010 9:54 PM PDT

An assassin will always carry on, even after death.

Its really good compared with the poems I have to learn in school

  • 05.01.2010 1:27 AM PDT

Death before Dishonour.

The Floodonian Army

Great writing man, really good poem.

  • 05.02.2010 11:44 PM PDT