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This topic has moved here: Subject: The Forgotten Spartan-Chapter Ten, installment 1 here!!!!
  • Subject: The Forgotten Spartan-Chapter Ten, installment 1 here!!!!
Subject: The Forgotten Spartan-Chapter Ten, installment 1 here!!!!
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seriously when is the next chapter coming out i dont think i can wait its totally awsome.

  • 12.27.2005 11:53 AM PDT
Subject: FanFiction please Read.
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Great stuff, first thing I did when i got onto the forums was check fan fiction and my oh my do you have yourself a library. Well, expect me to post :D

  • 12.27.2005 7:16 PM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

no news on the next chapter. I am startiing work on another unrelated project, but it shouldn't interfere

  • 12.30.2005 12:14 PM PDT
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Sooo...............When is the next installment going to come..?......
I THINK IT IS GOOOOOOOOD SO MAYBE....

[Edited on 12/30/2005]

  • 12.30.2005 2:44 PM PDT
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Any news yet on the next chapter yet.

  • 01.07.2006 3:45 PM PDT
Subject: The Forgotten Spartan-Chapter Ten, installment 1 here!!!!
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can u post soon. I really think your a Genuis

  • 01.07.2006 4:37 PM PDT
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nice chapter. im sorry about how many people reviewed your story on the OFG. i reviewed it though.
it was like 15 people! sickining,

  • 01.12.2006 6:15 AM PDT
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this story is probably the best fanfic that i have read. it is engaging and leaves the readfer with suspense -blam!- A* man nice job

  • 01.12.2006 6:45 AM PDT
Subject: The Forgotten Spartan-Chapter Ten, part 2, after a long delay
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i tell ya man. you got what it takes to write a novel, but you will need someone like mines help, a few things where out of character, like the whole punching three people on landing on the base pre first mission thing ( punches the sarge for no good reason sides spite, was just out of character for simmons) the nuts and bolts of your writing are there, the punctuation and what not""..,,, etc...

also the things that made your little noveletta compelling to read (as in when i finished the first part you wrote, i was like "COME ON WTF WRITE MORE, THAT CANT BE IT. i wanna c this master cheif flex some muscles, i wanna see him use that better than 20-20 eagle like vision and mongoose reflexes to drop a rebel at 500 yards with 2 in the chest and one in the face... i want that tobey maguire beats up the high school bully in high school scene via his spider like reaction time, being able to see punched in slow mo ect....)

So. here's the good that made the story itself interesting/halfway compelling. (this is not counting your good technical writing skills that allowed the reader to follow and understand what you where writing)


1. the awe factor of a genetically modified spartan, he can lift xxx pounds and run xxx fast etc.

2. by and large what you wrote was completely coherant and did not loose the reader, cept for a few minor typos, and 1 or 2 continuity mistakes but nothing major ( i mean after all you are writing on bungie forums not in the new york times)

Here's the bad, or at least whats noteworthy to write about.


the main flaw to this wonderfully interesting story was.............. your explination of why simmons felt no remorse for killing men and being in combat.... "then i remembered the SPARTAN program, after all that i went through , killing another human being didnt seem like anything."

more interesting is... the spartan program shrunk the grey matter (by either chemotherapy, electricity, or some other interesting method at brain alteration i dunno, you pick the best one, i would say labotomy but that's just so planet of the apes 60's era stuff) in the sections of the brain that control remorse ...... and ....... caused an increased overall cranial capacity thus accomodating the exponential growth of the sections of the brain governing reaction time and overall intellegence, memory, problem solving etc.. for a better ability to analyze battlefield tactics and react to changes in battlefield doctrine quickly...............that's so much more interesting. it also adds to the awe of the whole supersoldier thing


i got more advice i could give ya, but dont take it the wrong way, this was a good read, you got potential as a writer. I enjoy many works of clive cussler, he's a New York Times bestselling auther with many best sellers fyi.

the reason why i mentioned this man is because, after i became aqquainted with the story you where telling, by like the 3rd or 4th paragraph you had me going perfectly, visualizing the story in my head much like i do when i read clive cussler.

now dont let the punctuation and grammer fool you, im a fart smeller... i mean smart feller..doh...-_- much like Quinten Tarenteno who never went to film school, he went to films. i never went to college for colture, i have lived my life in a country saturated with it already...... saturated with.... "pop culture"..... so, in short, i think that i, at the very least would be able to help to make your future stories more interesting, nay, compelling, and isnt that what we all want? a better story?

Honestly, with a little grammer tender loving care and a few talks with you and i , mono eh mono (to add interesting tidbits of story/action/$ex or to enhance existing story elements, i believe you are publishable, your already borderline publishable and your writing on a dang internet forum imagine the possibilities.

i'm gonna try and get in touch with you.. peace out. ( i'm white by the way, dont get the wrong idea by the whole "peace out" slang)

  • 01.19.2006 12:58 AM PDT
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yeah, we all know rainman is a guenius, right?

  • 01.19.2006 5:07 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

Thank you guys, I'll of course take your comments into consideration.

  • 01.20.2006 3:22 AM PDT

"I hope nothing, I fear nothing, I am free"
"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." - Nikos Kazantzakis
"The ink of the scholar is more holy than the blood of martyrs" - Hasan al-Basri
Black Chapter, for all religious and political debate that doesn't fit in the Flood.

Thats all well and good... but wheres the chapter?! even clark updated after an agonizingly long wait, god bless him...

This story keeps you wanting to know more... but theres been no updates, so good as your writing is, you dont keep the suspense going, cause you leave it too long between updates.

pump out some more updates, maybe a month between each tops, unless you have a massively loyal fanbase... but keep it going, im damn curious where your going with this.

  • 01.20.2006 7:24 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

Trust me, the new chapter's coming soon. I've worked it out so I should start posting more often. I'm glad to see you guys care so much. Here's something to keep you occupied: Before Simmons went on his second mission he picked up a modified MA5B. How do you think its modified?

  • 01.21.2006 4:15 PM PDT
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silencer? shredder rounds? shoots water? scope?
do i win? do i win?

[Edited on 1/24/2006]

  • 01.24.2006 4:19 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

No, No, No, No, No, No.

  • 01.25.2006 3:10 AM PDT
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its a different colour...

  • 01.25.2006 6:35 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

No. Nice thought though.

  • 01.25.2006 11:25 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

Last installment of Chapter 10:

“Keyes, what do you think this project is?”
“A UNSC funded physiological study, ma’am.”
“I’ve told you many times Jake, you’re horrible at lying. What do you really think all this is?” She looked deeply into his eyes and for the first time Keyes thought she earnestly cared for him.
“You’re up to something, ma’am. This is some kind of genetics experiment. You’ve been visiting a lot of UNSC hospitals and research stations since we finished studying those kids. Now, I don’t know how those kids we studied are tied into this…oh, doctor, please don’t tell me you’re gonna mess with those kids. They’ve got so much to live for. Think of John, or Fajhad, or Sam. Are you really planning on turning them inside out for some study? What if John died? Would that be worth it Doctor? What could you possibly learn that would be worth that kid’s life?”
“That’s what were going to find out, Keyes.”

  • 01.25.2006 11:30 AM PDT
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that was short, but still good!
can you put my story on your post in recons fanfiction thread. i pm'd you the html.
was simmons AR single shot and burst fire aswel as full auto? or it has a grenade launcher attachment.
it makes popcorn for hungy marines while shooting rebels! or covies...

[Edited on 1/29/2006]

  • 01.29.2006 1:08 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

Simmons's gun is modified to shoot left handed. That way he can shoot around corners other can't. The grenade launcher's a good idea too. I'm gonna get started on the new chapter on Tuesday.

  • 01.29.2006 2:02 PM PDT
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so if he forgets about it being bent, he shoots his fellow odst's

  • 01.30.2006 4:27 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

It's not bent, the spent shells just fly out the other side so he can shoot with his left hand on the trigger without getting hot shells in his face.

  • 01.31.2006 3:30 AM PDT
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ooh,

  • 01.31.2006 5:14 AM PDT

I really don't know if this post will apply here because I haven't looked through all of the pages, but I have noticed other fanfic threads going way off topic and discussing things other than the fanfic. I am going to be watching these threads a little closer to make sure the threads remain on topic and don't lose the purpose of the thread, which is of course the fanfic.

Make sure any replies are pertaining to the story at hand; which include possible theories on where the story is going, constructive criticisms and overall praises (if that is what you want to do... ;-) ). As I stated in Mr_Clark's fanfic thread, I'd hate to see the thread lose it's purpose and end up getting locked; effectively ruining the work of Rainman.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

  • 01.31.2006 5:28 AM PDT
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Read about the Forgotten Spartan I Program
Butane: To protect the world from devastation!
sir_brilliant: To unite all people within our nation!
Rainman89: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
sir_brilliant: To extend out reach to the stars above!
SpaceGhostFlyer: Jessie!
Butane: James!
sir_brilliant: Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light
Butane: Surrender now or prepare to fight
sir_brilliant: Meowth, that's right!

Thank you for your wise and valuble advise dmbfan09. I think we've stayed on topic fairly well so far, and I believe we can keep it up. On another note, I lied. I had too much to do yesterday, so I didn't write anything new. I'm gonna start up again as soon as possible. While you wait, what do you guys think is gonna happen next?

  • 02.01.2006 3:28 AM PDT