"Usually the good Lord works in mysterious ways, but not today! This here is 66 tons of straight up, HE-spewing, dee-vine intervention. If God is love, then you can call me cupid!" -Sgt. Johnson
Oh I just remembered a really good one:
"Hey, Demon! The jerk store called, and they're all out of you! Poor you, stolen at the age of six and conscripted into the military, waaaaaah! Okay look, if you let me live, I got the Fist of Rukt. Look, I'll be the bottom. I'll polish your boots. I'll polish your helmet! It's the gas, haha! When I'm on the gas, I don't know what I'm doing half the time!" -Final Grunt
ahh grunts make me laugh...