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  • Subject: [Story] ONI: Ghost Team (Prologue!)
Subject: [Story] ONI: Ghost Team (Prologue!)
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(Part one will be linked here, but the rest will be linked from part.1)

This is just to introduce the characters. It'll start up in part one. (Oh, and it's not a sequel.)

Prolague...


Private Katie Holland and Sergeant Jack Barron activated their silent drill spikes, and stuck them into the edge of the cliff. Taking out their lines, they clipped onto the spikes, and started repelling down the cliff wall, their black suits masking them as they moved through the dead of night.

Landing on the grass below, the stealth operatives unhooked, and turned towards the estate in the distance. Katie lifted her silenced DMR, and switched on its night vision. Looking through the scope, she scanned the area in front of them. "I don't see anyone." She whispered over their direct COM beam.

"Alright," Jack whispered back, "Stay low and be alert." They moved up to the side of the estate, and Jack took out a can. Spraying the fence, he froze the metal. A slight push broke a hole in the fence, and they crawled through into the estate's botanical garden. "Stay in the foliage."

"Rodger that." Katie crept into the bushes, Jack close behind. Jack held up a fist, and the two stopped. A guard was right on the edge of that particular patch of foliage, his back to the operatives. Jack moved forward as quietly as he could, watching out not to rustle any leaves too loudly, or snap any twigs. Upon reaching the guard, he grabbed him from behind, slit his throat with a knife, and pulled him into the bushes all in one fluid movement.

Jack signaled for Katie to follow, and she moved up. They peeked their heads out of the edge of the bushes, and seeing nobody, moved quickly across the open, and into the next patch of flora. This one consisted of plants and trees, giving them much less cover. "three men at the next clearing." Jack warned. Moving through the trees, the found a point where they had a good line of fire at the men. "One, two, three." The operatives fired their weapons. Three shots were fired, and three bodies hit the ground.

Jack and Katie dragged the bodies into the next patch of foliage, and moved on. They reached the edge of the botanical garden, and looked through the scopes of their DMRs. Patrolls were all around the house, and there were probably surveillance cameras everywhere. Looking at the roof, Saline spotted snipers. "We've got snipers on the roof."

"This isn't going to be easy."

"May I suggest taking out the snipers?"

Jack shook his head. "We're too far away. I can't risk one of us making a non-lethal shot."

Katie brought up an electronics scanner on her tactical contact on her left eye. Cameras shined in blue, along with motion sensors on the ground. Katie put her DMR on her back, and drew out her silenced pistol. Using the jammer on the bottom of the gun, she froze the cameras, and jammed the motion sensors. She nodded to Jack, and they moved in.

They moved from tree to tree, getting closer to the house. They were at the end of the trees, ahead of them, open ground. "I hope you have a plan." Saline said.

Jack looked at her. "Activate your stealth system, and follow me." They activate their camouflage, and Jack headed off for the back of the house. Katie's tactical contact gave her an outline of her squad mate, making him easy to follow. Their camouflage would only last fifteen seconds, so they didn't have long.

Reaching the back of the house, they found it just as well guarded as the other sides, maybe even more so. They took cover behind some hedges against the wall of the house, and their stealth faded away. "Nice plan."

"Open window." Jack whispered, looking above. On the third floor was a way in. The lights were off, so whoever was in there was most likely sleeping. "If we get up there quick they won't spot us." He took out a grappling hook, and shot it through the window. Once it caught, he hit a button and silently slid up. Once he was in, Katie did the same.

Two children were in the beds. As the two ONI units approached the exit of the room, one roused up. "Who are you?" The small boy asked. Katie spun around, leveling her gun to the child's head.

Katie lowered her gun, not knowing what to do. "We're you're new babysitters," Jack whispered, kneeling by the bed, "We're just making sure you're asleep."

"Why do you have guns?"

"We're your body guards too. Now go back to bed." The child complied, and closed his eyes. Even in the circumstances, Katie couldn't help but smile. Jack was as pure as a soldier could be, always seeming to find a way around hard choices.

Katie turned on her heat vision, looking at the door to the hallway. There was a guard coming towards the room, probably to check on the children. "Incoming."

"Get in the closet." Jack said quickly. The two slipped into the closet, and closet the door. The guard entered the room, checked the children, and left. The operatives waited until the man was totally gone, then exited the room. The blueprints showed that the master bedroom was just around the corner. Jack turned the sonar on on the side of his pistol, and it showed him an image of what was around the corner.

Jack gave Katie a look at the display. "On green." He whispered. They positioned themselves at the corner, Katie standing, and Jack kneeling behind her. A green light flashed on Katie's contact, and they leaned around the corner. They each fired one shot, and two bodies hit the floor. Unfortunately, one hit a small table, knocking a vase on the ground and causing it to shatter. "-blam!-!" He shouted in a whisper.

There was a "Chick-click!" from inside the door. This was bad. An alarm went off, and lights on the ceiling flashed red. "Go loud!" Jack yelled. The ONI operatives removed their silencers, and Jack kicked in the door to the master bedroom. Their target fired his weapon, grazing Jack's arm. The operatives fired back, placing three bullets in his head.

A fifth shot rang out, and Jack lost his leg from the knee down. Katie spun around to see a woman with a shotgun. She pumped it for a second shot, but received three bullets to the chest before she could pull the trigger.

Katie kneeled down to Jack, who was grabbing his leg in a futile attempt to stop the blood flow. Katie pulled a needle from her belt, and jammed it into Jack's thigh. The serum immediately clotted the artery. "Get out of here!" He shouted.

"Not without you." Katie picked him up, and threw him over her shoulder. Jack didn't protest. He knew there was nothing he could do to talk her out of it. Now they were both dead. Two men rushed through the door. Jack raised his gun, and shot both of them from Katie's shoulder.

Jack was carried out of the door, and back towards the kids room. Katie turned the corner, and hastily turned back, running in the opposite direction. There was a second set of stairs by the master bedroom. Katie didn't know where they led, but she didn't have a choice.

Katie's combat boots thudded as they hit the red and gold laced carpet of the spiral stairs. There were about fifteen men on her tail. That was some inspiration for making haste. She heard Jack fire his pistol as bullets hit the walls and steps around them.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Katie found that it led them to a long gallery of art, the front door at the end. Between her and the door were twenty guards. Threw Jack behind a marble figure, and dove behind a parallel one. Chips of white marble splintered off of the sculpture as it was struck by bullets. Katie threw a flash bang, then turned around the corner of the figure.

The operative fired at the blinded men. Jack dragged himself to the edge of his sculpture, and was assisting her. In only a moment, they had eliminated all twenty. Katie pressed on her ear. "Ghost team to Eagle 09, we need an immediate pickup!"

One step ahead of you. I'm circling outside. You've got every guard out there rushing in. You better haul ass.

The front door opened, and more guards stormed in. Katie holstered her pistol, and pulled out her DMR. The enemy took up positions behind sculptures across the gallery, and opened fire. They weren't going to be able to shoot their way out. Katie only had one idea. The house was armored against explosives, but she had to give it a shot. She took out a one RPG, small enough to hold with one hand. Placing C5 on it, she launched it up at the ceiling.

The house shook as the RPG detonated. It managed to blow a hole just big enough for Katie and Jack to get through. Rolling across the open, Katie got behind Jack's marble structure. "Do you have a flash bang?"

"Yeah." Jack said, grunting in pain.

"Alright," Katie shot her pistol's grappling hook through the hole in the roof, and it caught, "Throw it now." Katie grabbed Jack, and he threw his flash bang. As they zipped up, the snipers from the roof aimed down at them. Jack fired two shots from his pistol, and the fell in.

One of the sniper's bodies hit the operatives, knocking Jack off of Katie. He reached out a hand as he fell, and Katie narrowly grabbed it. The strain on her muscles was intense. Luckily, they were close to the roof. Bullets began flying from underneath them just as Katie crawled up onto the roof, and pulled Jack up. "We're on the roof!"

Falcon 09 flew down, and hovered over the roof. He ran out of the cockpit, and helped Katie get Jack into the pelican. "Sh1t! Where'd his leg go?"

"He left them a souvenir." Katie replied, jumping into the pelican. 09 ran back into the cockpit, and gunned it. Jack's body had gone into shock, which could kill him on its own. Katie looked down at him. "Hold on."


Part 1: How The Hell?

[Edited on 06.06.2010 9:44 AM PDT]

  • 06.03.2010 1:09 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] ONI: Deep Cover (Prolague!)

EXistence PROhibited!
Feel free to join my group, the Vault of Lore

Posted by: The Munchies
If you haven't read The Spartan Four Program, I suggest you read it first.

Prolague...
Two things:

1. Some people might not want to read another story to understand one. So I suggest you put up a short summary here for the lazy people among us... Like myself.

2. It's ProlOgue

  • 06.03.2010 1:29 PM PDT

The briefing sounded cheesy, and it didn't sound very ONIish. I'd have it so the guy is briefed by an Illusive Man type character, shrouded and unknown. It should be all greys and protocols and security and smart AIs. It shouldn't sound like a PI firm set up in some bloke's basement.

Good luck though. Take your time.

[Edited on 06.03.2010 1:36 PM PDT]

  • 06.03.2010 1:35 PM PDT
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Posted by: Wolverfrog
The briefing sounded cheesy, and it didn't sound very ONIish. I'd have it so the guy is briefed by an Illusive Man type character, shrouded and unknown. It should be all greys and protocols and security and smart AIs. It shouldn't sound like a PI firm set up in some bloke's basement.

Good luck though. Take your time.



I guess you're right. I don't understand how it sounded like a PI firm, but I'll make the next part more ONI.

  • 06.03.2010 2:19 PM PDT

Also, 'King' isn't a very ominous name for the head of ONI.

I suggest:

- Giving him a darker name. In one of my older fan fictions, for example, I named the head of ONI 'Umbra.' 'King' makes him sound a bit like a mafia boss.

- Don't have the protagonist (or whoever he is) meet the leader of ONI, the man who runs the entire UNSC from behind the scenes, face to face. It'd be a bit of a security risk. Have it so they speak through video or a hologram.

- Make the dialogue a little colder, shadier, and crisper.

Also, describe the surroundings better. Much better.

  • 06.03.2010 2:33 PM PDT
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Posted by: Wolverfrog
Also, 'King' isn't a very ominous name for the head of ONI.

I suggest:

- Giving him a darker name. In one of my older fan fictions, for example, I named the head of ONI 'Umbra.' 'King' makes him sound a bit like a mafia boss.

- Don't have the protagonist (or whoever he is) meet the leader of ONI, the man who runs the entire UNSC from behind the scenes, face to face. It'd be a bit of a security risk. Have it so they speak through video or a hologram.

- Make the dialogue a little colder, shadier, and crisper.

Also, describe the surroundings better. Much better.



Will do. Got anything positive? haha

  • 06.03.2010 2:42 PM PDT

Posted by: The Munchies
Posted by: Wolverfrog
Also, 'King' isn't a very ominous name for the head of ONI.

I suggest:

- Giving him a darker name. In one of my older fan fictions, for example, I named the head of ONI 'Umbra.' 'King' makes him sound a bit like a mafia boss.

- Don't have the protagonist (or whoever he is) meet the leader of ONI, the man who runs the entire UNSC from behind the scenes, face to face. It'd be a bit of a security risk. Have it so they speak through video or a hologram.

- Make the dialogue a little colder, shadier, and crisper.

Also, describe the surroundings better. Much better.



Will do. Got anything positive? haha


You haven't written enough yet for me to properly review. I'll make sure to read what you write next. I read the Spartan IV Project, it was okay, it didn't amaze me though. Hopefully this will be better. Make sure to proof read and don't feel like you have to constantly release chapters to get an audience. I usually release only one chapter in a good week, and yet I manage.

  • 06.03.2010 2:51 PM PDT

An assassin will always carry on, even after death.

I'm guessing this is the second part of the Spartan 4 project.
Its fairly good but I think you can do much better

  • 06.03.2010 2:56 PM PDT
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Posted by: Skulblaka
I'm guessing this is the second part of the Spartan 4 project.
Its fairly good but I think you can do much better


This was going to be Saline's story, but I think I'll change it. I know what I'll do. I'll make a sequel instead.

  • 06.03.2010 3:23 PM PDT

An assassin will always carry on, even after death.

Much better

  • 06.04.2010 9:20 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] ONI: Ghost Team (Prologue!)
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P.1



Katie walked through the ONI base's Ops center, bare footed and in her pajamas, watching and doing her best to distract all of the ONI officers at their desks as they typed away, talking on headsets and commanding their smart AIs. She could do whatever she wanted in the base, being who she was, and the fact that she wouldn't listen anyway. Her name was renown in the ONI. She and Jack were two of its most valuable assets. The Ops people had learned to tune her out, but she did it anyway out of habit.

"Christiannnn." She dragged out as she stood behind one of the Ops runners. She reached in front of him, grabbed his coffee, and tilted it back. She let out an "Mm!" and spat out the burning beverage, spattering Christian's monitors.

Christian took a glance up at the huge monitors on the walls, then wiped the coffee off of his screens with his hand. Disappointed, Katie turned away. Unlike the others, Christian was usually distractible. She decided she would go harass the Colonial Communications AI. Katie found the ONI base incredibly boring. The only thing that kept her from going insane was driving other people insane.

Leaving the Ops center, she stepped into the metal hallway. Two guards at the entrance stood at attention. "Stay like that for the next five hours." Katie commanded as she walked by.

"Belay that," Jack said, "Katie, how many times have I told you not to harass the guards.

Katie turned around and pouted. "But nobody else tells me not to."

"That's because you don't listen to anyone else, and I know where you're going."

"I was going to get lunch."

"No," Jack pointed his finger at the girl, "You were going to harass Wallis."

"No I wasn't." Katie insisted.

"Yes, you were. You always walk a little faster when you're heading for that poor AI. You drive him up the wall you know. You always manage to make his algorithm cooling system fail, which is incredible."

"That would be my objective." Katie said quietly, looking down.

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Why are you wearing pajamas?"

"Because I can, and because they're pink. I've asked for a pink ONI suit like ten times now, but I never got one."

"Why the hell would you want a pink ONI suit? You'd be the first to get shot in any situation."

"Because I can't have one."

Jack let out a long sigh. "At least you're honest with yourself." Jack may have seemed oblivious to why Katie acted that way, but he wasn't. It wasn't her fault, not at all. "Why don't we go to the mess hall."

"But I want to see Wallissssss."

"You can harass the cooks."

Katie did a slight jump, and smiled. "Okay."

Ghost team report to Shade immediately.

"I'll tell him you're feeling sick." Jack said upon seeing Katie frown.

"Thank you!" The girl got up on her tiptoes, and gave the six foot three Jack a kiss on the cheek, devoid of meaning.

"Sure thing."

Katie continued down the hall, and stopped at the next door. "It's on lockdown ma'am," a guard stated, "Security system malfunction. We're in the process of fixing it."

Katie went up to its panel, and started tapping codes in. In a matter of seconds, the door slid open, and she walked through. An alarm started blaring, and guards rushed to their battle stations. Katie shrugged it off as a drill, and continued to the mess hall.

As Katie continued, and automated voice blared through the base.

All troops to battle stations. This is not a drill.

This had never happened before. They were miles underground on a deserted planet in the middle of a desert. How could the covenant have found them?

[Edited on 06.06.2010 9:40 AM PDT]

  • 06.06.2010 9:39 AM PDT

An assassin will always carry on, even after death.

Good part.

  • 06.06.2010 12:51 PM PDT

@JosephBiwald
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Per Audacia Ad Astra

Nice I am liking this story, keep it up.

  • 06.06.2010 1:07 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] ONI: Deep Cover (Prolague!)

How'd you find me?

You called Katie Saline at one point.

  • 06.06.2010 7:32 PM PDT