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This topic has moved here: Subject: [story] The Calm After the Storm
  • Subject: [story] The Calm After the Storm
Subject: [story] The Calm After the Storm
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This is my first Halo story. Tell me what you think. Here is the first paragraph:

Chapter 1: Awakening
Master Chief lay in the darkness. He saw nothing but black. Then, Cortana appeared. His lips formed a small smile, but it quickly went away as he saw Cortana struggling with something. Master Chief tried to help her but she was just beyond his reach. "Cortana!" he shouts, trying to contact her. She looks at him with a desperate look on her face. She reaches out, grabbing for help. "Cortana!" he shouts again, desperate to help her. Just as they are about to touch she is drawn back into the darkness. "NO!" yells the Master Chief as he reaches out once again... and hits hard glass.

  • 06.08.2010 3:41 PM PDT
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One day... I am gonna grow wings... A chemical reaction... Hysterical and useless... hystecial and let down and hanging around... crushed like a bug in the ground.

Use John instead of "Master Chief", thats what everyone refers to him around the Universe/Galllery community.

[Edited on 06.08.2010 3:42 PM PDT]

  • 06.08.2010 3:42 PM PDT

Posted by: AngasBoy
Use John instead of "Master Chief", thats what everyone refers to him around the Universe/Galllery community.


That's because there are many people who hold the rank of Master Chief. Not just John.

Way too short to give detailed feedback.

  • 06.08.2010 4:15 PM PDT

AL is preventing me from having fun. It is also preventing a lot of people from having fun. People who defend AL say they can live without it. It is obviously unfair in many ways.

SO WHY DON'T WE REMOVE/TWEAK IT?

Also, yes, I do goose.

It switches to present tense in the middle, I suggest you keep in the past tense, except for when they say something.

  • 06.08.2010 6:23 PM PDT