- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
The next big thing: Movie Matchmaking!
"We're going to revolutionize the way you go to the movies. The normal movie-going experience is flawed because you might end up in the theater with people not your age or personality-type or height. Now, instead of risking sitting behind someone a foot taller than you with an afro, Movie Matchmaking will match you up with people in your area who are your same height, making it fair for everyone. We'll also match you up with people who are just as likely as you to talk during the movie. And you'll be sent to the theater closest to your house, so if you'd prefer to drive an extra 10 minutes so you can see the movie with friends, too bad. We're going to keep this a secret until release day, so that nobody will have a chance to provide feedback on our idea until it's far too late to change anything.
"Thanks to deals that Microsoft is arranging with theaters, Movie Matchmaking will also decide which other movies you can see. We want to be sure that fans can fairly compare our movie to others out there, so you'll be forced to sit through Legally Blond 3, Scary Movie 4, You Got Served 2, and From Justin to Kelly 2 & 3. Every time you go to the movies, MMM will automatically put you in a random movie (and by "random" we mean "could be the same thing 4 times in a row"). Don't worry, eventually you'll probably end up in a movie that you actually want to see. But in the mean time, you won't find out which movie you're seeing until the opening credits start, and by that time the doors will be locked so you can't leave without being penalized an extra $10.
"To ensure that you experience the movies the way the Bungie team likes to see them, Movie Matchmaking will also decide for you which drinks and snacks you can have. Bungie thinks everyone should like Diet Mountain Dew and Goobers, so if you'd prefer Pepsi and popcorn, or Dr. Pepper and Milk Duds, too bad. We know what's best for you. If you would rather eat something different, you can come waste your time on the Bungie.net forums and pray that a Bungie team member sees your post out of the mountains of spam, and that your request might be granted several months down the road. In the meantime, keep 'enjoying' that Diet Mountain Dew and Goobers as you endure Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. After all, it's too hard to decide for yourself which snack and drink you want, so we'll force you to eat the same things we like to eat.
"Yes indeed, we're going to revolutionize the way you go to the movies!"