The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: My fan-fic HALO:REACH. more on page 2...more to come.
  • Subject: My fan-fic HALO:REACH. more on page 2...more to come.
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • of 4
Subject: My fan-fic HALO:REACH. more on page 2...more to come.

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Posted by: aaahhhoooiiii
won't that lead to a bunch of spam-like threads all: Halo reach story?


No, please learn the lesson that you do not post your writing in other people's topics, this is what the Gallery is for.

  • 07.12.2010 11:44 AM PDT

my emblem says how I feel.

Posted by: IExiiLeZz
if bungie aint makin it, i aint takin it.


Link to a michinima artists holy grail:
http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=53904519

Alright I'll take it down, But, If this is fan-fiction, and he/she really didn't care that I post in his/her thread wouldn't that make it fair game?(hypothetically)

  • 07.12.2010 11:50 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Posted by: aaahhhoooiiii
Alright I'll take it down, But, If this is fan-fiction, and he/she really didn't care that I post in his/her thread wouldn't that make it fair game?(hypothetically)


No, it's not fair to advertise your work in someone elses thread. It's a distraction to the readers and you'll then begin posting more here, it's also off-topic and - in extreme cases - could get you blacklisted for a bit.

  • 07.12.2010 11:54 AM PDT

Posted by: aaahhhoooiiii
Alright I'll take it down, But, If this is fan-fiction, and he/she really didn't care that I post in his/her thread wouldn't that make it fair game?(hypothetically)


Well, even if the OP didn't care I'd still hate you, as would many other people. There's a line, and you're crossing it.

  • 07.12.2010 11:55 AM PDT

my emblem says how I feel.

Posted by: IExiiLeZz
if bungie aint makin it, i aint takin it.


Link to a michinima artists holy grail:
http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=53904519

ok it's now in my group forums

  • 07.12.2010 11:56 AM PDT

Damn snipers!!!

I have now read the books...

your stupid makes my brain sad

Posted by: Wolverfrog
I know you may have received a lot of praise in the Reach forum, but here, we're a little harsher.

Firstly, it's great that you decided to write this. Motivating yourself to do that is something that endears you to me greatly.

The main problem I have with this is that you write it like a poor script. Except it's not a script. You've created some weird, horrible hybrid of a script and story.

For example, you wrote:

....fade in, a blurred image from a spartan helmet comes into focus...the sound slowly fades in from muffled white noise....a marine medic enters your view...."LT....LT..CAN YOU HEAR ME?....you took quite a hit" you notice your in the middle of a battle(pegasi??)"lets check your armor luetentant"...the pre-requisite focus on the spots ensues..."...ok LT,you seem to be ok. your squad is just over that ridge"....

If it is a story, then it should be:

The Spartan walked into the room, noting a marine medic entering his field of vision. His ears rang and his sight was blurred.

"Lieutenant? Lieutenant, can you hear me?" the marine demands. The Spartan nodded wearily. "You took a quite a hit."

Gunfire echoed around him, accentuated with the screams of his dying brothers and sisters.

I'm still at Pegasi Delta, the Spartan realised as his mind began to clear.

The medic further ducked down, and crawled to the Spartan., before telling him, "I'm going to check your armour for damage and breaches, sir."

He poured over the torn SPI armour, and began to tut slightly.

"You're pretty torn up, but you'll live I think. Alright, I'm giving you the green light. Your squad is just up on that ridge, try not to strain yourself."



Your grammar is attrocious (sorry, but is is) and your spelling needs work also. Paragraphing is definitely a major issue, and your dialogue could do with a bit of improvement.

Try and put more description into the chapters, and decide if you're writing a script or a story.

I hope I helped. Welcome to the Gallery forum, by the way.



thanks, i really do value your critique. and you sound like you know what you talking about.
but you should know, i didnt mean for it to be a script or a "story". it was more of my description of the gameplay/cutscenes that would make some things fit in the game. i realy shouldnt have called it "fan-fic" because i know those of you who put a ton of effort into them, dont like to see such a hamfisted efforts posted carelessly.
when i started writing to explain what my vision was, i just got,...well swept up and it just started flowing out. i literaly got chills at a few points and i just wanted people to read it and see if they felt the same way.

its not an audition by any means, and if someone told me to take it more seriously, and it might actually go somewhere, id sit down and really go at it.

i would like to pose one question to you...
if you can, put all the gramar and spelling aside, and tell me if my "descriptions" were creativly any good.

thanks again.

[Edited on 07.12.2010 4:53 PM PDT]

  • 07.12.2010 1:13 PM PDT

my emblem says how I feel.

Posted by: IExiiLeZz
if bungie aint makin it, i aint takin it.


Link to a michinima artists holy grail:
http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=53904519

I have just realized what you mean by don't advertise and have removed any and all ads in this thread
thank you,
aaahhhoooiii

Edit: oh and that was a great story dude sorry for my idioticness

[Edited on 07.12.2010 1:41 PM PDT]

  • 07.12.2010 1:37 PM PDT

Reach for Halo!

I could really see this as any opening to the game. Only one thing though, I think it would be immediately after the battle you described because then the Jorge would know that "Douglas"(noble six) was from it other than that
it was great keep writing

  • 07.12.2010 4:45 PM PDT

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME GROUP INVITATIONS

The Halo REACH Script (post thoughts in thread)

Writing Lead of Whisper Studios. Check out Heron!

Look... I'm on bungiepedia!

Very good. Though I don't think that he would actually have fought on Pegasi, the way you had it laid out seemed like it would work nicely. Off to the side, away from the main conflict; isolated. He is the Lonewolf after all.

  • 07.12.2010 5:47 PM PDT

Damn snipers!!!

I have now read the books...

your stupid makes my brain sad

Posted by: MLG Cheehwawa
Very good. Though I don't think that he would actually have fought on Pegasi, the way you had it laid out seemed like it would work nicely. Off to the side, away from the main conflict; isolated. He is the Lonewolf after all.


im glad you found time to read it and enjoyed it, chee.

yea,i didnt want to make it sound as if 6 was part of the main 300 spartans that were on that mission, but rather leave it a question as to what this "seperate squad" was up to.

just vague enough to not blow up any canon, but enough detail to fit with everything we know.

did you get to the other two little things i wrote?

  • 07.12.2010 7:16 PM PDT

  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • of 4