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This topic has moved here: Subject: Broken: I'm not blind... 3/5 [Storyline and illustration]
  • Subject: Broken: I'm not blind... 3/5 [Storyline and illustration]
Subject: Broken: I'm not blind... 3/5 [Storyline and illustration]

I'm Luis an a video editor, writer, and soon Director.
P00RaBbit(montages)

He begins to feel tired...
he just kill 2 elites, and destroy a wraith...
he run for cover... to a small cave...Then suddenly, in front of him an elite quickly attacks him... he is tired...
the sword break a little bit her helmet.
he fall... and feel like dead... while blood comes out of his cheeks, like tears of pain, he hear on the radio... a female voice, he can't understand what she said, but he quickly puts his feet on the ground.

the elite is about to finish with a last attack... when he, takes his sword with strength ... and squeeze it as if it were his own heart, and he feel cold... he quickly look up... and destroys the face of elite in a single-hit...
he try to walk... but it's hard, when you fight for what you want... and you lost it.

he watch another elite... this one is red... the elite shoot with her "carbine"... her shots hurt like hot hits of fire.


he runs... to finish him with a blow of his sword, he is feeling silly, but the elite, jump, and he miss...
He knows that we must never surrender... so he try again... and kill the elite...


Illustration

[Edited on 07.20.2010 11:54 PM PDT]

  • 07.20.2010 11:49 PM PDT

"if i have seen farther it is by standing on the shoulders of giants" Isaac Newton

I couldn't see the illustration because I'm not a member of devon art, which kinda sucks. Anyway the story has a good plot, and I'm sure I would enjoy it, however I find it very hard to follow. With some editing to fix some grammar and spelling the story would be a lot smoother, and more enjoyable. In my opinion.

  • 07.21.2010 9:37 PM PDT

Some call me crazy........ They're too modest.

looks nice, though you should list it as a photo manipulation and not an illustration

  • 07.21.2010 9:40 PM PDT

I'm Luis an a video editor, writer, and soon Director.
P00RaBbit(montages)


Posted by: adoptedflame
I couldn't see the illustration because I'm not a member of devon art, which kinda sucks. Anyway the story has a good plot, and I'm sure I would enjoy it, however I find it very hard to follow. With some editing to fix some grammar and spelling the story would be a lot smoother, and more enjoyable. In my opinion.


Yes, I know ... my problem is that I'm Mexican... :/
maybe this... "spell" thing help.

  • 07.23.2010 7:55 PM PDT