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  • Subject: [Novel] As yet un-named.
Subject: [Novel] As yet un-named.

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

It doesn't have a name yet though

Before I begin, I'd like to say that this is set before the first contact with the Covenant, it's mainly about science and exploration, it will take you around the Galaxy, and it shouldn't break canon (Hopefully.) It won't include any major Characters unless they are absolutely necessary to the story, and certainly not any game characters. All of the new locations are in places that are not detailed in the story, except the Array, I put that in a nebula near the Sigma Octanus system, but for references' sake it's nearest to the Sigma Octanus system, so that you know roughly where it is. The location in deep space will also stick to canon, nothing discovered in the books or games will be discovered in this story. The information discovered in the prologue will never be released to the Human press, it will never be known to anyone other than the main characters, therefore it will not break canon. The artefacts discovered are small and insignificant to the main Halo Story, and there are only a few of them.

Anything in speech marks is clearly speech.
Words with ( >>> <<< ) surrounding them denotes the Location, Date, or Time. Words enclosed within ( --- --- ) are conversations between two AI's or constructs. Anything enclosed in ( [ ] ) is a radio communication, or similar.
(---------------------------------------------) Denotes a new timeframe in a chapter, but not a new chapter.

(---------------------------------------------) Denotes a new chapter, example:
(Chapter I: The Array)

It's also quite a read.

THE RESERVED POSTS ARE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER







Prologue

>>>Sigma Octanus System<<<

>>>2490.05.24<<<

>>>Sigma Octanus Deep Space Research Array<<<

{Smart AI 'WaterGlass' of the Starside Skimmer}---Permission To Approach Burst---

{Smart AI 'Dependancy' of the Sigma Octanus Deep Space Research Array}---PTA Denied---

---PTA Burst---

---PTA Denied, Await Human Confirmation---

---Affirmative, how have you been? I haven't spoken to anyone with the same level of intelligence as me in ages, save Dr Alexander Shaw, but he's been in cryogenic storage for the duration of the trip---

---It is good to hear from you, although I wish it could be under some more... Pleasant... Circumstances, but duty calls I suppose---

---How much of your intellect are you devoting to this project of Dr Shaw's?---

---Not much, although it will be good to be working with you, after all this time. See you in an hour or so---

"Sir, we've got an incoming contact, broadcasting on known UNSC frequencies, could be hostile, what's your recommended course of action, Sir?"

"Ensign Ribary, open a comm channel to that freighter."

"But Sir, what if it's..."

"Do it or I'll have you Court Marshalled."

"Urgh, fine, establishing contact... Okay, contact established. [Light freighter, please identify yourself, or we'll open fire."]

["This is Captain Farlane of the private medical freighter Starside Skimmer, we've got cargo bound for the Array."]

"Lieutenant Reeve, should I let them land?"

"Do it, then get all available combat personnel down to Hangar Five, this could be an innie trick."

"But what if it's a bomb?"

"Hangar 5 is blast shielded with Titanium-A Armour Plating, designed to be used in incidents like this one."

"Fine, I hope you know what you're doing though, or a lot of good men and women will die. [This is the Array, Starside Skimmer, you've been cleared to land, Hangar Five if you please"]

["Copy that Array, we're beginning our approach, ETA 45 minutes"]

---------------------------------------------

As the Skimmer accelerated through the nebula surrounding the Array, Captain Farlane unbuckled his crash harness and floated to the back of the ship.

"WaterGlass, do I have permission to wake our passenger?"

"Yes, but only because we're out of sensor range of any other UNSC ships or facilities."

"Oh, okay, but I can't see why the UNSC would mind if we woke our passenger early."

"If we did James, it would draw attention to Section 3's plan to haul Dr Shaw out here as fast as possible, after faking his own death."

"Why did Dr Shaw take this job anyway? He'll most likely never see his friends or family ever again."

"His reasons... He kept to himself."

"Oh, so anyway, should I wake him?"

"Yes, he needs to be awake for the arrival, or the station has every right to blow us to hell on the grounds that we're insurrectionists."

The Cryo-Pod door slid open with a soft hiss, revealing the body of a young man, prematurely aged through stress and pressure. He was pale skinned, with chin length red hair, and a scar across his chest where a steel cable had sheared off, killing his lab assistant. "We're here?" he coughed, as he slowly lifted himself out of the pod and into the zero-gravity. With the grace of a swan, he glided towards his locker, took out a simple shirt and some black trousers, and a lab coat.

"Yes Dr Shaw, we'll be beginning the docking procedures shortly."

"Please, no Doctor Shaw, just Alex will do, Dr Shaw makes me sound like my great-great-great-great-Grandfather. I didn't catch your name at the Orbital Tether, I was distracted with some calculations, terribly sorry, really quite rude of me."

"Uh, it's James, Captain James Farlane."

"James, you wouldn't happen to have a younger brother working on Reach, trying to develop powered armour would you?"

"Actually yes, I do, but he's not my brother, he's my cousin."

"Ah, I thought you two didn't look enough alike to be brothers. We are in the Sigma Octanus system, aren't we?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because I was sure that there was only one Deep Space Array, thank you."

"We'll be docking shortly, WaterGlass, what's our ETA?"

"Two minutes and 37 seconds" it replied, with a hint of glee.

"Is that my AI Captain?"

With a smile on his face James replied "Yes, he was good company for the journey out, we both became proficient at chess. Generally he beats me, but there were a few times where I won."

"Beginning the docking procedure now, you might want to hold on to something."

---------------------------------------------

"Sir, the ship is docking, and our AI confirms it as friendly. I guess you can call off your men now."

"Ribary, my men will stand guard until we've ID'd everyone on board, after scanning for bombs and bugs. Don't ever try to second guess my orders again Marine, or I will personally lock you up and burn the key."

"With all due respect, Sir I was only trying to provide an idea of what I thought was the right course of action."

"Ensign, you are not my second in command, you are my comms officer, so keep your opinions to yourself."

["All combat personnel in Hangar 5, hold positions, the ship will be here in approximately two minutes."]

---------------------------------------------
The Array's automatic docking computer took control of the Skimmer as it began its approach, an ancient procedure rendered obsolete due to the advancements in AIs, though required because in the Nebula navigation instruments went haywire. The Array was built to study these peculiar effects, though now, now it has other purposes...
---------------------------------------------

"Captain Farlane, Dr Shaw, there appears to be a hostile welcoming committee taking up firing positions around the ship."

"WaterGlass, just lower the ramp, I'll go first."

"Ah James, that won't be necessary."

"Why Shaw?"

"Because your mission was to get me here as fast as possible, then return to Reach for further instructions."

"But Shaw, my Commander said to..."

"I don't give a damn what your commander says, you were paid to fly, not to ask questions, now go back to Reach, and wait for further orders."

"Fine, but I don't think this is right, leaving you here."

"It isn't, but orders are orders."

"I suppose so. I'll be seeing you then."

"You realise I'll be needing your ship, and my AI, or did the ONI Brass not fill you in?"

"I have to give you my ship?!"

"Yes, although there is a replacement ."

"A replacement? What kind of ship is it?"

"A prototype, designed by me while I was on Reach."

"No offence, but I don't really trust prototype ships, not after what I went through."

"That's understandable, but I designed this ship with you in mind, I've read your file, I saw what you went through that day first hand."

"Woah, wait, hold on a second, you were there when that experimental fusion drive blew? And no one told me this why?

"I designed the Caiman, I never meant for them to put Dr Rose's experimental fusion drive in, it was supposed to be hooked up to a ground based power supply for the initial test phase, then we would work on a power source later. I'm sorry."

"Sorry, what good is sorry! I was missing my legs thanks to your stupid project, it was only by chance that I was allowed these."

"You think that getting those legs was pure chance? Hoho no, Dr Rose designed and built them for you after the crash, a true man of honour he is, no, was."

"Wait, so you're telling me that Dr Rose made me these as a kind of, retribution?"

"Yes, they were his final project, before he died of a heart attack."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Don't worry yourself, you weren't to know, anyway, I really must be going, you'll find your new ship in Hangar 7."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, my orders were just to drop you off here, and you're not my Commanding Officer so... I don't have to listen to you."

"Fine, stay here if you want, though chances are you'll be quite bored, as this is a research station."

"If this is a research station then why has a platoon of Marines taken position around our ship?"

"I don't know, so let's go and say hello."

"Alrighty then."

---------------------------------------------

[Edited on 08.05.2010 11:32 AM PDT]

  • 08.05.2010 8:39 AM PDT
Subject: [FanFiction] As yet un-named.

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

The long haired man quietly got up from his oak panelled desk, and strode briskly to Hangar 5, not knowing what was going on, curious as to why the Lieutenant decided to flag the incoming Medical freighter as a possible hostile, he knew what was in it, as did the long haired man. Never mind, he thought to himself, I'll sort this out.

He made it to the Hangar as the newly arrived ship's ramp was being lowered, only to see the two men who walked out thrown to the floor and handcuffed. The long haired man thought that handcuffing these suspects was useless, if they were insurrectionists they would have blown this place sky high by now.

  • 08.05.2010 8:41 AM PDT

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

*Reserved*

  • 08.05.2010 8:42 AM PDT

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

*Reserved*

  • 08.05.2010 8:42 AM PDT

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

*Reserved*

  • 08.05.2010 8:43 AM PDT

This rly sux.

Just quit

  • 08.05.2010 11:06 PM PDT

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

Why, why does it suck? You don't explain yourself at all. Did you even read it?

  • 08.06.2010 1:22 AM PDT

AL is preventing me from having fun. It is also preventing a lot of people from having fun. People who defend AL say they can live without it. It is obviously unfair in many ways.

SO WHY DON'T WE REMOVE/TWEAK IT?

Also, yes, I do goose.


Posted by: Legit Spartan72
This rly sux.

You really suck.

Good so far.

  • 08.06.2010 1:49 AM PDT

"Don't touch that. We don't know where you've been."

Alright, so I read what you've posted so far, and I have to say, it's good work so far. For a first attempt at fan fiction, it isn't bad at all, bar a few areas I feel need some work.

While I don't understand the plot so far (I assume more will be revealed later, and it will all make sense), I really like the approach you took to this, and the fact that you tried to make a non-combat focussed story (really, there are already SO MANY generic combat fan-fictions out there). I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going.

Now, for some constructive criticism. I highlighted this in my previous paragraph, but I think it could use some attention, so I'll go over it again. There are a number of references in the story so far to things we as the reader aren't privy to, such as that incident with the exploding ship reactor that robbed one of the characters of their legs, or what is supposedly meant to be on the incoming ship with the Doctor.

Referring to things outside of the main story is a good way of developing a character without derailing the pace of the story too much, or even willingly making the reader aware that something is going on they don't know about (when the reader isn't privy to every detail, it helps immerse them into the story in a way, because they don't know everything that is happening like some of the characters, instead of just being some omnipotent onlooker). However, I believe it is possible to over do this, and I believe that is happening with your story. It's early days, so I assume we will be informed sooner or later, but as it is, it's quite difficult to get into it, because the reader is so out of the loop when it comes to the characters, and what is really going on in the story.

My other main gripe was with the character's speech and the way they interact with others. For a story that relied so heavily on dialogue (even for a non-action style, you could use less dialogue), the characters didn't seem to interact in a realistic manner. For example, we have a lot of people speaking out against their superiors, and a lot of "Fine, I'll do such and such but not like it." I realise I'm hardly a military expert, but I just found it a bit odd that so many people were making so many infractions. I know in the Halo games that the military was a bit more... easy? about things like this, but even so, I believe that a Communications Officer making the mistake of trying to advise his Commanding Officer of what he should do went a bit far.

At any rate, I've gone into the criticism here far more than I was originally expecting to, but really, I think these 2-3 things were the only thing that really need work. I genuinely am really liking this, and am eagerly looking forward to future installments. I hope my criticism may be of some use to you, and please don't let it discourage you, as that was not my intention.

Good work, and good luck with this. :D

  • 08.06.2010 3:33 AM PDT

GROSSMAN: Do you think of the Culture as a utopia? Would you live in it, if you could?

BANKS: Good grief yes, to both! What's not to like? ...Well, unless you're actually a fascist or a power junkie or sincerely believe that money rather than happiness is what really matters in life. And even people with those bizarre beliefs are catered for in the Culture, albeit in extreme-immersion VR environments.

KOTOR

The thing with the Comms Officer was to aid in the portrayal of Reeve as someone who is not very nice, and the comms officer is a minor character and he won't pop up anywhere else. I might also edit down some of the speech in the next three chapters, because I think I wrote some of it for the sake of it.

All in all, thanks for the proper criticism, and expect more later today.

  • 08.06.2010 4:10 AM PDT