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My new B.net account is Grizzled Ancient. If you see him, its me.
My first thing, is the music choice. Nice song, but overused. Try something with the same style, but a different sound. Second, in an intro, you need to grab attention, and spawning and walking doesn't grab it. Try syncing the music with the actions of the player, like when the guitars come in, match it with the grenade explosions. The last place you went wrong, was switching songs in the middle for no reason. Unless the song doesn't fill the whole video, stick with it.
Hope that helps :)