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This topic has moved here: Subject: [Story] Forky, The True Hero of Reach
  • Subject: [Story] Forky, The True Hero of Reach
Subject: [Story] Forky, The True Hero of Reach

The defence of Reach. As seen through the eyes of Forky, a true hero.


Forky lurched round the next corner, instantly spotting a trio of Hunters, all with their unprotected backs exposed. He revved his hydrogen/electric power plant to full power and raised his newly sharpened hydraulic forks to waist height.

He had to admit, Carter's plan was bold. Jorge had managed to hold off his addiction to Wensleydale cheese just long enough to trick the Covenant assault force into marching inside the protective walls of the ONI operations building. And now they were exposed to a highly ambitious flanking manoeuvre.

Forky was pleased that he had been chosen over a Spartan. Initially, Emile had been first choice for the daring counter attack, but he had complained about not having enough time to shave his collection of Sangheili testicles. Most of his missions prior to the Covenant assault on Reach had been filled with amassing a fine collection of the Elite's golden danglies, most of which had been used to teabag Kat on numerous occasions, but that had landed him in severe hot water and on the receiving end of a -blam!- harassment charge.

Forky surveyed the scene before him. Over two hundred Grunts had made their way through the breach in the wall, pouring in like a flood of ants. Elites, Jackals and Hunters quickly followed behind, each of them intent on keeping their testicles intact.

Confident none of the Covenant troops had spotted him; Forky gunned his engine to maximum power, built up a surge until his capacitors were on the verge of exploding and then charged forward. Despite his more than capable power plant his approach was whisper quiet, just like the new XBOX 360. Forky pushed the thought to the back of his boxy headhe'd have time to play later.

With a steely determination, Forky ploughed into the nearest Hunter at a mind-numbing 24 miles per hour. The top-heavy walking tank staggered backwards into its fellow bonded brothers, both of which were currently occupied with the newest edition of Worm Weekly . All three toppled over into a helpless heap.

With the initial threat neutralised, Forky powered on towards a line of Jackals. Bullets pinged off the shimmering wrist-mounted shields as they marched forward as one, ugly as sin, unit. They were clearly confident behind their shields, forky thought. If only they knew what was about to hit them.

Two of the bird-faced creatures (both retired extras from Sesame Street) became forky's new mascots as the pair were impaled on his gleaming forks. The rest were either smashed aside or trampled under his 24 inch chrome rims, complete with spinners for that ultimate pimped out look. All that remained now was a squad of eight Elites, who by now were aware of the rearward counter attack and had taken cover behind a statue of Sgt Johnson's ego.

One Elite, clearly desperate to catch the next episode of Dr. Who, made a run for it. But Forky was on him like garlic on a French man, mowing him down like wheat. The rest opened up with their plasma rifles, peppering Forky's metal hide with plasma.

That was it. Forky was mad. Almost as mad as Gordon Ramsey in Hell's Kitchen. He turned with the grace and agility of a humpback whale on crystal meth and then ploughed into the statue whilst whispering the conclusion to Halo 3.

Knowing that he was destined to die in the third Halo game, in a scene where the camera angle makes him look like someone with Scabies, Johnson's ego toppled over onto the remaining Elites, reducing them to alien pancakes.

With death staved off, at least for the moment, Forky headed back to Noble team who were currently trying to pry Noble Six''s helmet off as he was the only one who hadn't shown his face yet.

"Well done, Forky," smiled Carter. "Well Done."


[Edited on 09.10.2010 4:52 AM PDT]

  • 09.09.2010 7:53 AM PDT

Join TD. It's AwesomeSauce

Absolutely hilarious!

The chronicles of forky 2 plex!

  • 09.09.2010 11:28 AM PDT

DIUTYAUSDPOI

340083 Coagulated Derelict

"Zombies.Gentlemen at times like these our capacity to retaliate must be and has to be massive,to deter all forms of aggression."-JFK

Epic.

Just.

Wow.

  • 09.09.2010 12:52 PM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

I... I don't even...

Head implodes.*

I don't want to know what drove you to write this, it's boarderline insanity. But it was -blam!- hilarious! It's a shame that poor Elite never saw the Doctor Who episode... :P

Great job? lol

  • 09.09.2010 2:04 PM PDT

Halo: Heretic or Hero---An Elite's Story
Choose your own destiny

FanFicFactor
Forged in the Flames of Passion, go forth and represent!

I feel as if I died a bit in these last five minutes. A piece of my soul has become one with the Universe.

I am naught but flesh and confusion.

  • 09.09.2010 2:53 PM PDT

An assassin will always carry on, even after death.

:O

This is what ONI covered up

  • 09.09.2010 3:10 PM PDT

Glad you all liked it. It was just a spur of the moment thing.

  • 09.10.2010 12:32 AM PDT

Posted by: Dropship dude
No, acnboy. Spartain Ken 15 is a lesser being. Much like the bacteria that lives in your shi­t.
Posted by: mike120593
My shi­t bacteria takes offense to that comparison.

Don't make me lel. You won't like me when I lel.

Oh wow, that was genius! Love it!

  • 09.10.2010 4:19 AM PDT

Posted by: Gandalf: I'm new. And a wizard.

Sapphire just got even more awesome.

Posted by: mount420: You are late.
Posted by: jaythenerdkid: A wizard is never late.
Posted by: THORSGOD: Nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to.

Very nice!

*Tosses cookie to OP*

  • 09.10.2010 4:30 AM PDT

/// For Honour, Brothers. FOR SANGHELIOS! \\\
ANZAC Group
I DON'T WANT 1 BILLION COOKIES. THAT BETTER BE 1 BILLION SANGHEILI SNACKS!
KAIDON is trying to learn WORT. but KAIDON already knows four moves. Forget an old move to learn WORT?
Ceiling Elite is WATCHING YOU.
Every Neuron in my head is firing with just Leets, Leets, Leets.

Pure win!

  • 09.10.2010 4:56 AM PDT

"Find where the liar hides, so that I may place my boot between his gums!" - Rtas 'Vadum

Posted by: MaxRealflugel
Knowing that he was destined to die in the third Halo game, in a scene where the camera angle makes him look like someone with Scabies...

-blam!-ing Priceless! lol

:P

Well Done ;)

  • 09.10.2010 4:00 PM PDT

We need more of these types of threads! so many lols in one post!

  • 09.11.2010 6:46 PM PDT

"I believe that the sound of racking the pump of a shotgun is universally recognized as ‘kiss your ass goodbye’."
— Unknown Marine

i am speechless.

we need this on the front page.

  • 09.11.2010 11:41 PM PDT
  •  | 
  • Honorable Member

Glory to the Alliance!

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1313358/
^ My fanfiction. You should go and read it. And leave comments on it. Yeah.

I... um... wow.

Internets. You just won them. Good job.

...Although the Whovian in me is a little annoyed by your abbreviation of "Doctor". ;)

  • 09.12.2010 4:35 AM PDT

@JosephBiwald
View my Art

Per Audacia Ad Astra

Truly great story my friend. I love how it has a taste of humor and suspense all at once.

  • 09.12.2010 7:09 AM PDT

Awesome story. I loved the humor in it, along with the detail. It really was a well made story of Forky.

  • 09.12.2010 8:11 AM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

Why didn't you post this to the Mirratord, Flugal?! I've only just found it, and I can't stop laughing. You sir, are a genius.

This should be the non-canon story equivalent of Odd One Out in Revolutions! :D

Someone message urk and get this on the Comm Chatter!

[Edited on 09.12.2010 11:49 AM PDT]

  • 09.12.2010 11:43 AM PDT

Am I supposed to write something funny here?

Awesome!

*Does not die laughing because reach comes out in 2*

  • 09.12.2010 11:52 AM PDT

Thanks, all. I'm just glad it's having the desired effect--endless laughter.

  • 09.13.2010 3:44 AM PDT

An assassin will always carry on, even after death.


Posted by: Mr Evil 37
Why didn't you post this to the Mirratord, Flugal?! I've only just found it, and I can't stop laughing. You sir, are a genius.

This should be the non-canon story equivalent of Odd One Out in Revolutions! :D

Someone message urk and get this on the Comm Chatter!


This is the real canon.

This is the true story of Reach. the game was a lie, the book was a lie.

This

is

it.

  • 09.15.2010 2:40 PM PDT