- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Becky was on her death bed with her husband, John, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling John," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
But she was insistent. "John," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping John. "It's all right.
Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, John. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
John mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don't torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
OR
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
OR
---This is the best---
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this."
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That's all I got
Credit to Ebaums
[Edited on 8/10/2004 10:09:50 PM]