Off Topic: The Flood
This topic has moved here: Subject: Best jokes
  • Subject: Best jokes
Subject: Best jokes

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

that's all for tonight folks. feel free to keep posting. im going to bed. this thing isn't gonna die. ill be back tomorrow to read it

  • 08.10.2004 10:51 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

I know some mediocre jokes, that get even worse if you translate them into english.


Two atoms were sitting in a bar
Atom one: I think I have lost an electron!
Atom two: Are you sure?
Atom one: I'm positive.


Three men were stuck on island. One day they find a genie bottle. The genie grants the men three wishes. "I wish I was home" the first man said. "I wish I was home" the second man says. The third man, who had started to feel alone after the other two men had gone home, wishes, "I wish my friends would come back here"


Three men decides to see who can fart a cork the longest. The first man tries, and farts the cork one meter. The second man tries, and farts the cork two meters. The third man tries, but after he has farted, the cork is nowhere to be seen. The other men teases the third man, because they think he has sucked it in.
The next morning, the newspaper have the headlines:
Unidentified flying cork in Australia. 2 dead, 5 injured


One day when Pekka was playing in the sand, the big boys comes and ask "Do you want to be beaten, Pekka?". Pekka answers "yes". The next day, when Pekka is playing in the sand, the big boys come and ask the same thing, and Pekka answers "yes". The third day, the same thing happens.
Now, Pekkas mom has begun to get worried, so she sends Pekka to a shrink. The shrink discovers that Pekka can't say "no", so he teaches Pekka to say "no".
The next day when Pekka was playing in the sand, the big boys come and ask "Have you had enough yet, Pekka?". Pekka answers "No"

  • 08.11.2004 2:52 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Three people enter an inn. The cost of one night is thirty dollars. The three people pay ten dollars each… though when the price is tallied the cashier finds out he owes the three people five dollars, because of a sale the price of the room they rented was only twenty five dollars. He tells the bus boy to give the people the five dollars back in ones. But, when he is half way there he pockets two dollars for himself and gives one dollar back to each of the three men.
So all in all the men paid 9 dollars each, and the boy has 2.
9x3=27+2=29…
Where did the other one go?


Not realy a joke, but I know I'll be laughing when I think of the people (some at least) that come here trying to figure it out.

And since I owe you something funny go here: STFU

[Edited on 8/11/2004 3:29:47 AM]

  • 08.11.2004 3:05 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Oddly enough I have trained my dog to bark at the following command words: Squirrels, Bubbles and Bark. Its funny because if you say: "Do squirrels and bubbles make a puppy bark?" And he will go absolutely ape -blam!-, howling and barking at nothing : ).

[Edited on 8/16/2004 8:49:58 AM]

  • 08.11.2004 6:26 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

there are 3 driving through the woods, there car breaks down, so they go to the farm next to them, the farmer has 18 daughter, the 1st guy sais, can i sleep with your 18 daughter, the farmer said no, you can sleep with the pigs, the 2nd guy sais, can i sleep with your 18 daughters, the farmer said no, you can sleep with the cows, the 3rd guy sais, can i sleep in the barn, the farmer sais no, you can sleep with my 18 daughters, the next morning the 1st wakes up and sais, man i feel like a soccer ball cuz iv been kicked around by all the pigs, the 2nd guys wakes up and sais man i feel like a basketball cuz iv been bounced around by all the cows, the 3rd guy wakes up and sais man i feel like a golf ball cuz iv been in and out of all 18 holes!!!!!

  • 08.11.2004 7:24 AM PDT
  • gamertag: Vash10
  • user homepage:

LMAO maka ur sig is awsome

  • 08.11.2004 7:25 AM PDT

yoo•zel- ('yoo-zhul): slang: vb.

Officium quod Fidelitas.

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

No.

The mod's favorite joke.

  • 08.11.2004 7:31 AM PDT
  • gamertag: Vash10
  • user homepage:

must b an inside joke

  • 08.11.2004 7:32 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Posted by: Cold00
And since I owe you something funny go here: STFU


Heh, love that thing

  • 08.11.2004 7:42 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

(when you are talking to someone)

- When did the accident happen?
- What accident?
- Don't tell me you've always looked like that!

  • 08.11.2004 7:43 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Posted by: Riddick10
must b an inside joke


You want an inside joke? I gotta a few that'll drive you insane.

"Mine says retard and you're below the map."---Broken Angel

"Do you not understand the concept of click?"----Broken Angel

"Quick, Shoot him!!! He's crazy!!!!"----Angel and Moosey should remember this one.

  • 08.11.2004 7:45 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Its old but good

The king was worried because his 4 daughters were getting of the age to have suiters. so he decided to hire 4 men to sleep with them. that night he passes by each of there doors. the first daughter was laughing, the second was crying, the third was moaning, and the for the fourth he heard nothing. the next mourning he decided to ask his daughters how it went. he asked the first one "why were u laughing?" she replied "it tickled." He asked the second daughter "why were u crying?" She replied because it hurt." He asked the third daughter "why were u moaning?" She replied "it felt good." Finally he turned to the fourth and said "there was no sound in ur room, what happened? were u not pleased?" the fourth daughter replies "Daddy, u always told me not to speek with my mouth full"

  • 08.11.2004 8:04 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

"Knock Knock"
"Whose there?"
"Go **** Urself!"

  • 08.11.2004 8:10 AM PDT

With B.B. gone, the passion of Bungie.net has lessened.

Two atoms were sitting in a bar
Atom one: I think I have lost an electron!
Atom two: Are you sure?
Atom one: I'm positive.


Best non-dating science joke ever! I've gotta remember that one.

Anyway, I have one... its not that great, and I know a better one,... but the better one might be a little bit too dirty for the forums...

Here it goes:

[color="steelblue"]Three men and their wives have died and gone to the gates of heaven. The first man walks up to the man at the gates (St. Peter?) and awaits admittance. The man at the gates says, "Your history is a good one, but I'm sorry, you must go to Hell. You're too obsessed with alcohol. So obsessed, that you even married a woman named Shery." So the first man is then sent to hell.

The second man walks up to the gate, and the man there says, "Your history is also a good one, but I'm sorry, you have to go to hell. You have an unhealthy obsession with money... So obsessed with it, that you married a woman named Penny." The second man the goes to Hell.

The third man walks up to the gate, but before the gatesman has a chance to speak, the third man tells him, "Ah, don't bother. I know I'm going to hell." He then turns to his wife and says, "See ya later, Fanny."[/color]

  • 08.11.2004 8:27 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Some people say that they see the glass half empty
Some people say that they see the glass half full
I SAY I SEE THE GLASS AS TO DAMN BIG

  • 08.11.2004 10:53 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

your mama is so fat that when she went into the ocean, spain claimed her for a new land

  • 08.11.2004 11:03 AM PDT
  • gamertag: Vash10
  • user homepage:

Posted by: MakaVeli4LIfe1
Posted by: Cold00
And since I owe you something funny go here: STFU


Heh, love that thing

lmao that hilarious

  • 08.11.2004 11:04 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
no one likes my jokes

  • 08.11.2004 11:10 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Posted by: MasterChinchilla
what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
no one likes my jokes


What? You have posted jokes?
Oh, yeah, right, we were supposed to ignore you.

  • 08.11.2004 11:18 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

This should be funny

Three men are walking throgh the dessert after they wander for hours they come acrose a magition on top of a slide.They the men walk over to the magition and ask if he has somthing to dringk.The magition says if they go down the slide yelling the name of a drink any drink and when they land they will find it the.The first man goes down yelling beeeer and shure enoghf he lands in a bar with 500 dolars in his wallet.The second man goes down yelling lemonaiiiid and shure enoghf he land in front of a lemonaid stand with 500 dolars in his wallet.The third man goes down yelling weeeeeeeeee...........ile leave the rest for you to figure out.

  • 08.11.2004 11:32 AM PDT

Add the email above to your MSN to contact me with emergencies on the forum.

FOR CARNAGE, APPLY WITHIN
Marathon, Myth, and MORE (Under construction)

NO U! A Webcomic.
Mob Of Angry Peasants Chat

Posted by: Blue Elite 1000
This should be funny

Three men are walking throgh the desert. After they wander for hours they come across a magician on top of a slide. They walk over to the magician and ask if he has something to drink.The magician says if they go down the slide yelling the name of a drink; any drink. and when they land they will find it. The first man goes down yelling "Beeeer" and sure enough he lands in a bar with 500 dollars in his wallet. The second man goes down yelling "Lemonaiiiid" and sure enough he lands in front of a lemonade stand with 500 dollars in his wallet. The third man goes down yelling "weeeeeeeeee..........".
I'll leave the rest for you to figure out.


Cute joke but your spelling and punctuation are atrocious - I fixed it for you!

[Edited on 8/11/2004 11:41:18 AM]

  • 08.11.2004 11:40 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

  • 08.11.2004 2:59 PM PDT
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

What's the same between a Texas twister and a Tennessee divorce?

Somebodie's losin' a trailer.

  • 08.11.2004 3:07 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Q: Who has the right of way any time?

A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."

With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor", Alabamans have made their own version.
Contestants are given pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm G*Y, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!" First one back wins.


[Edited on 8/11/2004 3:21:50 PM]

  • 08.11.2004 3:20 PM PDT