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  • Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
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  • Exalted Legendary Member

Someone set up us the bomb
on XBL i'm Gangsta Assasin

this one's kinda political, but you have to take it with a grain of salt. and sugar. then some vinegar and mayo. add in diced cabbage and you got cole slaw. here goes:

after a long day of debate at the united nations, the un rep. for saudi arabia walks up to the US rep. and asks him a question.
"my son is a big fan of star trek. i watched an episode with him and thought it very inspiratioal for the causes of the UN- russians, blacks, native americans, whites and asians all serving on a starship, with no racial tension. however, my son pointed out that there are no arabs on star trek. Why is this?"
before the US rep could respond, the israli representitive walked up and answered his question "its because, in case you didn't notice, the show takes place in the FUTURE."

i'm not raceist or anything, i just think its funny to make fun of the bigotry we are faced with in the world. if only life wewre like star trek... or halo... i want a phaser.

  • 08.11.2004 3:43 PM PDT
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hey i like that one nice find

  • 08.11.2004 3:45 PM PDT

Five Tenets of Bungie.net Forum Life:
1. Trolls will always be well fed.
2. Blame-ability thy name is stosh.
3. Bungie has no control over retail prices.
4. Watch out for low-flying defense drones.
5. Seven is not optional, but rather, an inevitability.

You oughta post that one you showed me Kendo.

  • 08.11.2004 3:46 PM PDT
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which one the g.bush or armstrong

  • 08.11.2004 3:48 PM PDT

Five Tenets of Bungie.net Forum Life:
1. Trolls will always be well fed.
2. Blame-ability thy name is stosh.
3. Bungie has no control over retail prices.
4. Watch out for low-flying defense drones.
5. Seven is not optional, but rather, an inevitability.

Both if you want to.

  • 08.11.2004 3:51 PM PDT
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Moon Talking

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," statement but followed it up with several remarks to the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

Armstrong explained, "When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball that landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

  • 08.11.2004 3:52 PM PDT
Subject: Best jokes
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A teacher is in class describing produce and this is how its going:

the teacher says, "im thinking of something round and green."

a kid says, "watermelon?"


The teacher replies, "no lime but i like they way youre thinking"

She goes on saying, "something round and red"

another kid says, "tomato?"

"no cherry but i like the way youre thinking."

A kid named johnny raises his hand and says "can i describe one?"

the teacher says, "um ok fine" knowing well aware of johnnys naughty history.

He says, "Im thinking of something round and hard and its in my pocket."

The teacher quickly says, "JOHNNY DONT SAY THAT! CHILDREN IGNORE EVERYTHING HE SAID!"

Johnny says, "a quarter, but i like the way youre thinking."

  • 08.11.2004 4:04 PM PDT
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Dubya Quotes

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush

  • 08.11.2004 4:06 PM PDT
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Mr.X's momma is so fat that she fell into the grand canyon and got stuck.

  • 08.11.2004 4:06 PM PDT

Five Tenets of Bungie.net Forum Life:
1. Trolls will always be well fed.
2. Blame-ability thy name is stosh.
3. Bungie has no control over retail prices.
4. Watch out for low-flying defense drones.
5. Seven is not optional, but rather, an inevitability.

Your momma's so fat, carrier forms laugh at her.

  • 08.11.2004 4:08 PM PDT
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Ok....I heard this one.....I was on a plane once and the captain announces that we'll be flying at 30,000 feet. He forgot to turn off his mike and then he goes to the co-pilot "Man,,now I can use a BJ and a cup of coffey" (Only he didn't say "BJ"). The lady goes up to tell them that the mike was still on,,and as she walks back the pilot announces...."now I only need a cup of coffey."

  • 08.11.2004 5:26 PM PDT
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Yo hair is so nappy, water can't get to yo scalp.

  • 08.11.2004 7:18 PM PDT
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
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Posted by: Kendoboy
Q: Who has the right of way any time?

A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."

With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor", Alabamans have made their own version.
Contestants are given pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm G*Y, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!" First one back wins.

LOL

  • 08.11.2004 7:24 PM PDT
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glad you like them read the one about dubya

  • 08.11.2004 7:26 PM PDT
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lol those are great

  • 08.11.2004 7:31 PM PDT
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illl try to get some more later

  • 08.11.2004 7:32 PM PDT
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u dont mid if i put the survivor one on my sigs do u

  • 08.11.2004 7:33 PM PDT
Subject: Best jokes
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Posted by: Snipe Assault
A teacher is in class describing produce and this is how its going:

the teacher says, "im thinking of something round and green."

a kid says, "watermelon?"


The teacher replies, "no lime but i like they way youre thinking"

She goes on saying, "something round and red"

another kid says, "tomato?"

"no cherry but i like the way youre thinking."

A kid named johnny raises his hand and says "can i describe one?"

the teacher says, "um ok fine" knowing well aware of johnnys naughty history.

He says, "Im thinking of something round and hard and its in my pocket."

The teacher quickly says, "JOHNNY DONT SAY THAT! CHILDREN IGNORE EVERYTHING HE SAID!"

Johnny says, "a quarter, but i like the way youre thinking."


At a b-day party a while back, my friends and i were bored and it was like 2 A.M. and it was a sleepover party. So we decided to have a joke contest. The one i said won the contest cause we had to THINK it up OURSELVES.

  • 08.11.2004 7:34 PM PDT
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
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nope go right ahed

  • 08.11.2004 7:34 PM PDT
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crap it dont fit

  • 08.11.2004 7:36 PM PDT
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oh too bad put one of the dubya quotes

  • 08.11.2004 7:37 PM PDT
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k

  • 08.11.2004 7:38 PM PDT
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lol this ones good
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush

  • 08.11.2004 7:39 PM PDT

I'll be on my own side.

your mom is like a chipmunk-she always has nuts in her mouth

  • 08.11.2004 7:40 PM PDT
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lol that ones to long to

  • 08.11.2004 7:40 PM PDT