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  • Subject: Best jokes
Subject: Best jokes

With B.B. gone, the passion of Bungie.net has lessened.

* Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he
suffered from very bad breath.
This made him ....what?
(This is so bad it's good...)--a super callused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.


That's frickin' awesome... how do poeple come up with this stuff?!

  • 08.12.2004 12:19 PM PDT
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Why do women fake orgasms?

They think men care!

  • 08.12.2004 12:28 PM PDT
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Posted By: Master Chinchilla

Its old but good

The king was worried because his 4 daughters were getting of the age to have suiters. so he decided to hire 4 men to sleep with them. that night he passes by each of there doors. the first daughter was laughing, the second was crying, the third was moaning, and the for the fourth he heard nothing. the next mourning he decided to ask his daughters how it went. he asked the first one "why were u laughing?" she replied "it tickled." He asked the second daughter "why were u crying?" She replied because it hurt." He asked the third daughter "why were u moaning?" She replied "it felt good." Finally he turned to the fourth and said "there was no sound in ur room, what happened? were u not pleased?" the fourth daughter replies "Daddy, u always told me not to speek with my mouth full"


no one liked it?

  • 08.12.2004 12:45 PM PDT
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Knock,knock!
Who's there?
Princess Diana.
Princess Diana who?
Who cares? She's dead!

  • 08.12.2004 1:07 PM PDT
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
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What do Micheal Jackson and McDonalds Have in common?

30-year-old meat between 5-year-old Buns!

  • 08.12.2004 3:24 PM PDT
Subject: Best jokes
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Posted by: Shai Hulud
* Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he
suffered from very bad breath.
This made him ....what?
(This is so bad it's good...)--a super callused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.


That's frickin' awesome... how do poeple come up with this stuff?!


i actually got both of those jokes in an email once (the super calloused one, and the other one). i had to reinstall my computer, and the jokes were lost to me forever.. least until this thread came along.

'nother MJ joke:

when is it bedtime in the Neverland Ranch?
when the big hand is on the little hand...
----
statain walks into a church right in the middle of a mass. people see him, and panic, and within a couple of minutes, the whole church is evacuated except for one old man who kneels, praying. satain walks up to the man and asks "aren't you afraid of me?" the man replies "no", so satain asks "why?". the old man replies "because i've been married to your sister for 48 years".
----
'nother blonde joke that i'm sure every sane person in the world has heard:
how do you confuse a blonde?
give her a bag of M & M's and tell her to alphabetize them.

  • 08.12.2004 3:46 PM PDT
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
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Posted by: terminatordavid
What do Micheal Jackson and McDonalds Have in common?

30-year-old meat between 5-year-old Buns!


Why did micheal jackson shop at wallmart? because boys pants are half off!

how does MJ pick his nose? in a catolouge!

  • 08.12.2004 3:51 PM PDT
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what do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? RUN!!! shes got a grenade in her mouth!!!

how do you sink a blonde submarine? knock on the door.

  • 08.12.2004 3:53 PM PDT
Subject: Best jokes
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Posted by: Xeroh
Im not one for forgetting faces but I think I will make an exeption for yours.


You stole that from ALICE.

  • 08.12.2004 4:02 PM PDT
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Posted by: Cold00
Three people enter an inn. The cost of one night is thirty dollars. The three people pay ten dollars each… though when the price is tallied the cashier finds out he owes the three people five dollars, because of a sale the price of the room they rented was only twenty five dollars. He tells the bus boy to give the people the five dollars back in ones. But, when he is half way there he pockets two dollars for himself and gives one dollar back to each of the three men.
So all in all the men paid 9 dollars each, and the boy has 2.
9x3=27+2=29…
Where did the other one go?


Not realy a joke, but I know I'll be laughing when I think of the people (some at least) that come here trying to figure it out.


ok, I'm confused, help me. lol, but seriuosly explain that.

  • 08.12.2004 5:58 PM PDT
Subject: Joke thread - Mods and users: post your best jokes!
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Posted by: terminatordavid
What do Micheal Jackson and McDonalds Have in common?

30-year-old meat between 5-year-old Buns!


That's disgusting...

  • 08.12.2004 6:03 PM PDT

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

Sign that it might not be your day......


click here

  • 08.12.2004 8:51 PM PDT
Subject: Best jokes
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Posted by: Liton
ok, I'm confused, help me. lol, but seriuosly explain that.


Ok the only way i see it working is that the way its put together is wrong. Maybe Cold00's way of how your surpposed to figure it out is different but this is mine. Ok you dont multiply the 9 and 3 cause that will be 27 like he said. Instead you take the 25 cause if they paid 25 thats all accounted for then the 3 dollars handed back to them and the 2 in his pocket. 25+3+2=30. You shouldnt do the 27 cause then that would be like if he gave the 3 guys only 2 dollars back. It took me like 5 mins, so dont think i put that much time into, its just i am very good at math.

  • 08.12.2004 9:25 PM PDT
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what do you get when you cross an ethiopian with a hunk of cheddar?

a quarter pounder with cheese

  • 08.12.2004 10:07 PM PDT
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OH THIS ONE IS THE BEST :

Yo moma so fat she...she over weight.

Courtsey of my fat friend.

[Edited on 8/12/2004 10:45:14 PM]

  • 08.12.2004 10:44 PM PDT
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Yo momma so fat when she wore high heels she struck oil

Yo momma so fat she put on a raincoat, went outside and somebody yelled "Taxi!"

--------------------------------

Okay, so it's Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus is going around the world delivering presents. He gets to this one house, goes down the chimney to find this gorgeous 18-year old blonde waiting for him in her pajamas. The blonde says, "Santa, can you stay?" Santa says, "Ho ho ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta give presents to all the boys and girls in the world!" The blonde takes off her pajamas, and then asks again, "Santa, can you stay?" Santa is obviously getting a little nervous, but replies with "Ho ho ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta give presents to all the boys and girls in the world." The blonde then takes off her bra, and asks again, "Santa, can you stay?" By this time, Santa is sweating profusely, tugging at his coat collar, etc etc. But yet again, he answers with "Ho ho ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta give presents to all the boys and girls in the world." So the blonde takes off her thong. Now she's standing there, completely naked, and asks again, "Santa, can you stay?" Santa drops his sack of presents, loosens his belt and says, "Hey hey hey, Santa's gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with a boner in the way!"

  • 08.12.2004 10:55 PM PDT
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Lol nice one.

  • 08.12.2004 11:02 PM PDT
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Who?

  • 08.13.2004 12:02 AM PDT
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Eh... All are nice, but I mean't the one above my last post.

  • 08.13.2004 12:05 AM PDT
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warning racist joke, but its just 1 so hopefully ppl take it as a joke and nothing more.

What do you call two black people riding a bicycle?

Organized crime. lol

(if this offends anyone at all, tell me and i will remove it)

  • 08.13.2004 1:40 AM PDT

I'll be on my own side.

lol thats funny,but someones gonna get offended. i dont think thats such a good idea

oh and your sig is hilarious,btw

[Edited on 8/13/2004 1:46:02 AM]

  • 08.13.2004 1:45 AM PDT

We’ve watched while the stars burned
Out, and creation played in reverse.
The Universe freezing in half-light.
Once I thought to escape.
To end a master, step out of the
Path of collapse. Escape would make us God.
Yet I cannot help but remember one enigma,
A hybrid, elusive destroyer.
This is the one mystery I have not solved.
The only element unaccounted for.

Posted by: MasterChinchilla
Posted By: Master Chinchilla

Its old but good

The king was worried because his 4 daughters were getting of the age to have suiters. so he decided to hire 4 men to sleep with them. that night he passes by each of there doors. the first daughter was laughing, the second was crying, the third was moaning, and the for the fourth he heard nothing. the next mourning he decided to ask his daughters how it went. he asked the first one "why were u laughing?" she replied "it tickled." He asked the second daughter "why were u crying?" She replied because it hurt." He asked the third daughter "why were u moaning?" She replied "it felt good." Finally he turned to the fourth and said "there was no sound in ur room, what happened? were u not pleased?" the fourth daughter replies "Daddy, u always told me not to speek with my mouth full"


no one liked it?


I liked it.

  • 08.13.2004 2:13 AM PDT
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oh cool.... (not a joke) what do some of the people in the ''Mary Poppins'' movie say at one point?

HINT: #### super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. ####

Ding Ding! SCORE! W00T!!!!!!!!!!!

[Edited on 8/13/2004 2:41:06 AM]

  • 08.13.2004 2:40 AM PDT

I'll be on my own side.

anyone still awake? i hate insomnia!!

  • 08.13.2004 3:09 AM PDT
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a blonde walks into a hardware store, she wonders around and finally finds the thing she wants.
she turns to a shop assistant, and says i want this TV please, to which the shop assistant turns around and says no sory we dont sell that TV to blondes
the blondes goes home realy annoyed and decides to dye her hair, she dyes it red.
again she goes back to the store and asks for the same TV to whcih the shop assistant turns around and says no sorry we dont sell that TV to blondes.
the blonde goes home realy agnry, and dyes her hair purple this time
again she goes to the store asks for the same TV and the answer is exacly the same "sorry we dont sell that TV to blondes"
realy angry and annoyed the blonde turns to the shop assistant and says "look how do you know im a blonde my hair is dyed!"
to which the shop assistant calmly says "you see, thats a microwave"

a small boy is lost, so he goes up to a policeman and says "i cant find my dad" "whats he like" the policeman enquires "beer and women" replies the boy

two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, i wasnt feeling too good that morning, but as i walked into my office, my secretary janet said "good morning boss. happy birthday" and i felt a little better that someone had remembered. i worked till noon then janet knocked on my door and said "you know, its such a beautiful day outside, and its your birthday, lets go to lunch, just you and me" we went to lunch. on the way back to the office she said " you know its such a beautiful day lets go to my apartment" after arriving at her apartment she said "boss, if you dont mind i think ill go into the bedroom and slip into something morecomfortable" "sure!" i excitedly replied. she went into the bedroom and, in a few minutes, returned carrying a huge birthday cake-followed by my wife, my children and dozens of our friends, all singing happy birthday. and i just sat there- on the couch- naked

A ventriloquist is visiting new zealand when he stumbles across a small village and decides to have some fun. approaching a man on his porch patting his dog he says "can i talk to your dog" the villager just laughs at him and says "are you stupid the dog doesn't talk" "are you sure asks the ventriloquist" turining to the dog he says "hello mate how is it going" "im doing alrite the dog replies" at this the villager looks shocked "is this your owner?" "yep" says the dog "how does he treat you?" asks the ventriloquist "realy well, he walks me twice a day feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play" "mind if i talk to your horse" the ventriloquist asks the villager. the horse tells the ventriloquist he is also treated pretty well "i am ridden regularly, brushed often and kept in a nice barn" "mind if i talk to your sheep" asks the ventriloquist? in a panic the villager turns around and shouts "THE SHEEPS A LIAR!!!"

  • 08.13.2004 3:09 AM PDT