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  • Subject: Best jokes
Subject: Best jokes
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Posted by: Nedus
anyone still awake? i hate insomnia!!


yes lol its like 10 past 10 in the morning here in England

  • 08.13.2004 3:11 AM PDT

I'll be on my own side.

its 3:25 AM here in California

[Edited on 8/13/2004 3:25:53 AM]

  • 08.13.2004 3:25 AM PDT

Posted by: Helljumper76
Posted by: Xeroh
Im not one for forgetting faces but I think I will make an exeption for yours.


You stole that from ALICE.


Actually, it's originally from Groucho Marx.

- Reiginko

  • 08.13.2004 3:26 AM PDT
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Posted by: Ice Blade

Posted by: Nedus
anyone still awake? i hate insomnia!!


yes lol its like 10 past 10 in the morning here in England


5:30 am Oklahoma.

  • 08.13.2004 3:26 AM PDT

I'll be on my own side.

Reiginko,what time is it in Perth??

[Edited on 8/13/2004 3:28:31 AM]

  • 08.13.2004 3:27 AM PDT
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So a -blam!- guy scre.ws the president (Vote for Kerry!). Then Jack Black comes and says "Wow! He stuck it to the man!"

Your momma's so fat, after sex I rolled over twice...and I'm still on the bit.ch!!!!

  • 08.13.2004 6:43 AM PDT
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his crotch. The bartender asks,"Doesn't that hurt?" Then the pirate said, "Aye, matey! It's drivin' me nuts!"

  • 08.13.2004 7:05 AM PDT
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Forgive me if this is racist

a hispanic guy and italian guy and a white guy are sitting in aboat. Suddenly the boat starts to sink, then they decide to throw some things overbaord. THe white guy throws his hambugers overbaod and says ''we have to many of those in my country'' the spanish guy throws over hallipeno peppers over and says 'we have to many of those in my country'' then the italian guy throws over spaghetti and says 'we have to many of those in my country''

then the white guy throws the spanish guy overboard and says 'we have to many of those in my country''

  • 08.13.2004 9:26 AM PDT
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that was great

  • 08.13.2004 10:06 AM PDT
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A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most Honorable sir:

You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.

No fee.

  • 08.16.2004 6:12 AM PDT
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Office Prayer:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....

12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday

And help me to remember...

When I'm having a realy bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 43 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!"

  • 08.16.2004 8:12 AM PDT
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An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?"
"It's 50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"
"That's my business! Get me the course!"
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to, to get a law degree so badly before you died?"
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer..."


Advice for male office managers:
If you keep the $exual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer, then when a woman gets one out you'll get a great view of her butt.

(The word filter is annoying.)

[Edited on 8/16/2004 9:10:54 AM]

  • 08.16.2004 9:08 AM PDT
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A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where -- your place or my place, it doesn't matter to me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No -blam!-? What law firm do you work for?"

  • 08.16.2004 9:30 AM PDT
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The few people from NWN that go here might find this pic funny: old man with no ammo for his greatsword and smiley faces everywhere!!

[Edited on 8/16/2004 11:24:32 AM]

  • 08.16.2004 11:13 AM PDT
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Ok, two vampires are sitting at a table, drinking blood out of cups and chatting. A third vampire sits down with a cup of water and the other two start making fun of him for drinking water. Then the third vamp pulls a used tamp0n out of his pocket and says,"I wanted tea."

[Edited on 8/16/2004 11:27:50 AM]

  • 08.16.2004 11:26 AM PDT
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lol wassabi

  • 08.16.2004 11:36 AM PDT
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Bushes Bad Day--A New Broadcast

A devastating chain of events has struck the White House today. A fire burned down President Bush's personal library, destroying both of his books. The President was extremely distraught and saddened, for he didnt finish coloring the second one.

For Boston Red Sox Fans

What's the difference between a Dynasty and a Wannabe?

About 215 miles...AND OH 26 CHAMPIONSHIPS

  • 08.16.2004 12:50 PM PDT
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Don't flame me if this has been used before, I was too lazy to read all of them. I don't remeber the whole thing so forgive me, I haven't heard it in a while.

A white guy goees into a bar wearing a shirt that says "Blacks are Dumb". there was a black man there so he chanlenges the white guy to fight him outside. So they step out. The white guy comes back in and says to the bartender, "I told you blacks were dumb. He brought a knife to the gun fight." lol!

  • 08.16.2004 1:05 PM PDT
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I got one:

President Bush and Osama bin Laden decide their both tired of this war thing, so they agree to have a meeting.
"Okay," says Bush, "I have an idea. how about we have a dog fight. We will have 5 years to train our dog. If I win, we get to capture you, and if you win we'll leave you alone."
Osama agrees and they go their separate ways.
Osama buys the biggest, meanest Doberman Pincher he can find. he tortures it and trains it for 5 years until it's pure evil.
So osama takes his dog to the place Bush and he agreed to have the dog fight at. he has to put his dog in a huge metal box so it won't kill everyone. He then waits for Bush to appear. He sees a huge semi pull up and bush get out. Osama opens the cage his dog is in and bush walks to the back of the semi and opens it up. A twelve foot long Dachshund comes out. The domerman attacks and........gets bit in half.
"How did that happen," says Osama, shocked.
"It took five years for our plasic surgeons to turn a twelve-foot crocodile into a Dachshund,"says Bush. The end.

  • 08.17.2004 7:25 AM PDT
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Posted by: The Elite_elite
Don't flame me if this has been used before, I was too lazy to read all of them. I don't remeber the whole thing so forgive me, I haven't heard it in a while.

A white guy goees into a bar wearing a shirt that says "Blacks are Dumb". there was a black man there so he chanlenges the white guy to fight him outside. So they step out. The white guy comes back in and says to the bartender, "I told you blacks were dumb. He brought a knife to the gun fight." lol!

thats not funny thats just racist

  • 08.17.2004 7:30 AM PDT
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What does every good soccer player need?
Melanin.

  • 08.17.2004 9:08 AM PDT
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Yo Halo53, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best bungie.net profiles of all time. OF ALL TIME!

Posted by: tmone17

Two sperm are swimming in a women''s body. One sperm says to the other in exhaustion, "Whew, Just how far is the uterus anyway?" The second sperm begins to laugh and says, " The uterus!? We just past the esophogus."



Thats the funniest joke I've heard in a while. LMFAO

  • 08.17.2004 9:19 AM PDT