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This topic has moved here: Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!
  • Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!


Posted by: AssaultCommand
Posted by: TheGreenAlloy
Stop it, both of you. I don't want this thread to get locked. Take it to the PM's.
I have nothing else to say.
I just wanted to explain to Axe, and maybe POMC if he didn't understand what WF was saying, what constructive criticism is and how it would help improving their story. Then I tried to help Axe improve his English by explaining the difference between complement and compliment.

I know what constructive criticism is and whats not its just Iv been reading every thing wolver types as bad ever sense he left 4 mean words on my thread. Dont know why these words tick me off they just do.
back to the story
I can't remember where the spartan went I did'nt see him in chapter 10 so im guessing he left. Ill reread the chapters a little.

  • 01.28.2011 12:59 AM PDT

Calm down guys, it was just my opinion. I like your writing but don't really like this plot or the length your chapters are. I'm not lavishly praising you or punching you in the gut.

Everyone in the Gallery is an amateur, I've only been writing for two years outside of a school environment and I've still got a bloody lot to improve before I even drag myself into the lower boundary of being a half-decent writer, and I'm a galaxy away from being a publishable writer, if I ever want to do that.

So we all have to take inspiration from the praise and roll with the punches to reach where we want to be in terms of writing skill.

I don't mean any offence when I make a comment like the one before, I'm just being candid to try and help. You're doing good, POMC. When you first started posting here I was a little unsure but you've stuck with it and improved considerably.

  • 01.28.2011 10:52 AM PDT


Posted by: Wolverfrog
Calm down guys, it was just my opinion. I like your writing but don't really like this plot or the length your chapters are. I'm not lavishly praising you or punching you in the gut.

Everyone in the Gallery is an amateur, I've only been writing for two years outside of a school environment and I've still got a bloody lot to improve before I even drag myself into the lower boundary of being a half-decent writer, and I'm a galaxy away from being a publishable writer, if I ever want to do that.

So we all have to take inspiration from the praise and roll with the punches to reach where we want to be in terms of writing skill.

I don't mean any offence when I make a comment like the one before, I'm just being candid to try and help. You're doing good, POMC. When you first started posting here I was a little unsure but you've stuck with it and improved considerably.

Im sorry wolver. But I get ticked at surton words such as "Not worth". Those 2 words alone make me think the person saying it is some high mighty god. Which they arnt.
Im sorry for what I said to you but In no way can you call what you said constructive.
I hope you keep writing and become the best. If you made a page more then once a month then you would in fact become ready for publishing.

as for POMC
He has promise and if his storys became longer and grammer became better. Heck he would be just like you wolver.
I hope you 2 both become good writers. You deserve it.

  • 01.28.2011 1:23 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 10 OUT!

Posted by: Axe11154
If you made a page more then once a month then you would in fact become ready for publishing.


...

I've written hundreds more pages than you have, and I've finished both Memoirs of an ODST and Halo 3: Insurrection, the later being over 300 pages long. Just because I'm not spending all my time writing True Sangheili it doesn't mean I'm writing "a page once a month," as you so eloquently put it.

I write original work, you know. I just don't post it here.

I'll be honest with you, I don't like your tone sometimes. No one appointed you knight of the realm; if I want to criticise someone's work rather than leave some two-bit comment that doesn't help anyone then I'll do so. I told him he was a good writer, but that his plot and chapter length weren't all that good. They're not bad, but there's a lot of room for improvement. Those criticisms are easily fixable, since he already has the key element needed to successfully write; talent.

To say anything else would be lying, and if you can't call it constructive criticism then you should look the definition up in the dictionary. And for the record, my friend, I don't consider myself some "high mighty god;" indeed I'm constantly having to counter the sycophantic comments you make before schizophrenically changing tune and calling me pretentious, when in fact it is your own mind that concocted this image you have in your head of me.

Honestly, this forum once held a community who could give each other advice without being berated for it. Now it's home to insecure individuals such as yourself who can't take a bad word without exploding in a storm of self-defence, rather than actually thinking upon why those words have been spoken.

I'm tired of it. If your story was in for publishing, an editor would criticise parts of it. That's what I'm doing, and it's what everyone else should do too.

[Edited on 01.28.2011 2:23 PM PST]

  • 01.28.2011 2:14 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Wow! Calm down. This thread has become a warzone. Dodges bombshell. Oh, welcome back Assualt Command, enjoy your vacation? Thanks Axe for your inspiring words that will make me strive to write more substantial chapters, and you Wolver, for your truthful words of praise and gut-punching. I will now WRITE another bit of my chapter. Goodnight!

[Edited on 01.31.2011 10:45 AM PST]

  • 01.28.2011 2:18 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!

Sorry, I shouldn't be posting like that in your thread. I'll take it to PM in the future.

Good luck writing your next part. Try, if you feel that you can, to start weaving a bit more of a complex plot into it with a few side-plots and twists.

The chapters being a little longer would be nice too.

:)

  • 01.28.2011 2:23 PM PDT

:O
When did I say you were high and mighty
I said i take those words as some one saying that.
And i was speaking truthful. You are the best on these forums and many will agree with me. I think you deserve it. You work hard with every one here and try your best to make the people here write like gods.
Im glad you do that and I know for a fact you know that Im not talking about these criticisms im talking about that one criticism. Yes im still on that. I know its been a whole 5 months but a Leavens keeps what he hears for long times before forgetting. I know sometimes my comments seem like there rude but They aren't.

Last I wont fight here for now (I can't promise I will stay off forever but no fighting will acure on these forums for a while by my hand.) and POMC
peace tell me you got the PMs

  • 01.28.2011 3:01 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

That makes me feel stupid. Knowing amazingly hard words like write and right makes it difficult to not mix the 2 up.(Sarcasm)

I'll change it right away.

  • 01.29.2011 3:10 AM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!

POMC S117 Owns owns


Posted by: Wolverfrog
Sorry, I shouldn't be posting like that in your thread. I'll take it to PM in the future.

Good luck writing your next part. Try, if you feel that you can, to start weaving a bit more of a complex plot into it with a few side-plots and twists.

The chapters being a little longer would be nice too.

:)


Okay. I'll do that. And thank you everybody for your constructive, but kind, criticsm.

  • 01.29.2011 3:55 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns


Posted by: Wolverfrog
Calm down guys, it was just my opinion. I like your writing but don't really like this plot or the length your chapters are. I'm not lavishly praising you or punching you in the gut.

Everyone in the Gallery is an amateur, I've only been writing for two years outside of a school environment and I've still got a bloody lot to improve before I even drag myself into the lower boundary of being a half-decent writer, and I'm a galaxy away from being a publishable writer, if I ever want to do that.

So we all have to take inspiration from the praise and roll with the punches to reach where we want to be in terms of writing skill.

I don't mean any offence when I make a comment like the one before, I'm just being candid to try and help. You're doing good, POMC. When you first started posting here I was a little unsure but you've stuck with it and improved considerably.


Thanks Wolver, but I would be nothing without help from Axe, Assualt Command, Maelek - is that how you spell it - and you obviously. I have also added a new sub-story within this one. It's in Chapter 10 which still isn't finished.

  • 01.29.2011 5:24 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns


Posted by: TheGreenAlloy
Stop it, both of you. I don't want this thread to get locked. Take it to the PM's.


Hello GreenAlloy, welcome to this thread. Feel free to tell me what you would want to see in this story. Ok. I'll write another bit of story later.

  • 01.30.2011 6:11 AM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 10 OUT!
  •  | 
  • Senior Heroic Member
  • gamertag: Maelun
  • user homepage:

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.

Posted by: AssaultCommand
Posted by: Wolverfrog
The chapters being a little longer would be nice too.
I second that.

Also, I've been back for a while now since my vacation. It was awesome and boring.
I tried to post a ginormous wall of text on how you could improve some things in the story, but the browser froze and I lost all of it. I then tried to post again but I experienced some minor writer's block (yes, even if you just comment on things, you can get stuck on your posts) and postponed it to the next day.
Next day turned into next week, next week turned into next month... and by then I had completely forgotten what I actually wanted to comment about...

I must say though, one of the things I wanted to say is the very thing Wolverfrog stated before. It is that your story is kind of hard to read for me, for several reasons, including:
- Mediocre plot.
- Unlogical decisions by either the writer about the situation or the character's mindset.
- The fact that you keep substituting words for the words you don't know how to spell or write. I don't know if you actually realise you are doing this, but man, it's irritating. For example, in your previous post you said you were going to 'right' another chapter... isn't that supposed to be 'write'?


Anyways, I'll see if I can get back to editing some more of the story for you, but only if you actually compare the edited version to the original to see which mistakes you've made. Otherwise, there wouldn't be much of a point in editing it, because my work would never end...


Back on page 6 of this thread, I also asked about a "longer" more "strewn" out story. Seems to be the general consensus following my leave.

  • 02.04.2011 11:38 AM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Bungie.net member Since 2001

"A hero need not speak. When he is gone, the world will speak for him"
"You are the last of your kind: bred for combat, built for war. You're the master of any weapon, pilot of any vehicle, and fear no enemy"

Nice!

  • 02.04.2011 2:57 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Maelun, your back! Well, you came at a time when my chapter will go over 10'000 characters.

  • 02.05.2011 8:04 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

All right, my chapter is almost finished. I'll probably edit it somemore, especially the part about the bridge. I just can't help feeling that it is lacking something. Any suggestions?

  • 02.08.2011 12:04 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!

If you can read this, that means I'm not a Shaolin monk...

yet.


Posted by: POMC S117 Owns

Posted by: TheGreenAlloy
Stop it, both of you. I don't want this thread to get locked. Take it to the PM's.


Hello GreenAlloy, welcome to this thread. Feel free to tell me what you would want to see in this story. Ok. I'll write another bit of story later.

Oh, I've been following this story for quite a while now.

  • 02.09.2011 12:34 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 10 OUT!

The tide is turning, brothers! Let us take our kingdom back!

Nice job so far, man. I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been mentioned, so just keep at it and listen to the advice you're given.

  • 02.10.2011 4:02 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Thanks. I'm going to finish this chapter finally. And GreenAlloy, I was just being kind, are you sure there is nothing you want me to improve on?

  • 02.11.2011 9:06 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Yay! Chapter 10 is officially finished. It is also 12'000 words long.

  • 02.11.2011 10:05 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

If you are wondering why there hasn't been a Chapter 11 is because my internet broke down. It'll be out soon though.

  • 02.23.2011 10:22 AM PDT

The tide is turning, brothers! Let us take our kingdom back!


Posted by: POMC S117 Owns
If you are wondering why there hasn't been a Chapter 11 is because my internet broke down. It'll be out soon though.

I didn't want to ask for fear of being a nuisance, but thank you for telling me this. I shall look forward to your next chapter.

  • 02.23.2011 8:20 PM PDT

If you can read this, that means I'm not a Shaolin monk...

yet.


Posted by: POMC S117 Owns
Thanks. I'm going to finish this chapter finally. And GreenAlloy, I was just being kind, are you sure there is nothing you want me to improve on?

Don't ask me for advice.

  • 02.24.2011 6:48 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Ok.

BloodGuard don't worry about it, your welcome to ask. I will post the chapter in the next reply.

  • 02.24.2011 8:51 AM PDT