- Maelun
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I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.
Posted by: AssaultCommand
Posted by: Wolverfrog
The chapters being a little longer would be nice too.I second that.
Also, I've been back for a while now since my vacation. It was awesome and boring.
I tried to post a ginormous wall of text on how you could improve some things in the story, but the browser froze and I lost all of it. I then tried to post again but I experienced some minor writer's block (yes, even if you just comment on things, you can get stuck on your posts) and postponed it to the next day.
Next day turned into next week, next week turned into next month... and by then I had completely forgotten what I actually wanted to comment about...
I must say though, one of the things I wanted to say is the very thing Wolverfrog stated before. It is that your story is kind of hard to read for me, for several reasons, including:
- Mediocre plot.
- Unlogical decisions by either the writer about the situation or the character's mindset.
- The fact that you keep substituting words for the words you don't know how to spell or write. I don't know if you actually realise you are doing this, but man, it's irritating. For example, in your previous post you said you were going to 'right' another chapter... isn't that supposed to be 'write'?
Anyways, I'll see if I can get back to editing some more of the story for you, but only if you actually compare the edited version to the original to see which mistakes you've made. Otherwise, there wouldn't be much of a point in editing it, because my work would never end...
Back on page 6 of this thread, I also asked about a "longer" more "strewn" out story. Seems to be the general consensus following my leave.