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This topic has moved here: Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 2 complete
  • Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 2 complete

POMC S117 Owns owns

why do u want me to use it so much? And I already said they were using a machine gun earlier in the story.

[Edited on 10.14.2010 8:20 AM PDT]

  • 10.14.2010 8:18 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Chapter 3-The burning city

Rolek crawled out from under the slowly melting, metal Falcon painfully. A large rivulet of red blood rolled down his mud stained cheek and onto the floor. He lifted a grazed, actively bleeding hand to his helmet and felt a small piece of steel. He ripped the metal out from his green helmet. It cracked. He pulled off his helmet and left it on the floor. Turning around, he saw the Falcon boiling under the immense heat from the dozen large fires raging around its lifeless chassis. The metal rippled and slowly began to bend. Rolek looked down at himself, his trousers were burned black and riddled with holes. His arms were bleeding profusely and scabs had already begun to form. He looked back at the hull of the Falcon, if any of his squad had been in the centre of it they would have been toasted beyond recongintion. He felt around for his MA37 Assault Rifle and crawled towards the door.

*

Sgt. Avery Johnson was pinned down behind a whitewashed wall. Plasma fire chipped away the cover slowly. Suddenly it stopped. Johnson peered out from behind his cover. He saw 2 Brutes fleeing down the stairs. He stood up and shouted.

"Yeah mummies calling, go and run home you bast-." He never finished the sentence as another Scarab jumped down from orbit.

Johnson stared at it gobsmacked. Its main gun began to glow green and Johnson threw himself on the floor. The green jet of plasma ripped through the window and scorched the floor that the sergeant was standing on moments ago.

"I didn't pay for this sort of thing." He muttered grumpily, picking up a rocket launcher.

*

Malarek lifted himself up from the debris littered floor and pulled the heavy machine gun off his back. He stumbled around and looked up. He was looking at the burning remains of the Falcon that he had jumped from. He looked away, to afraid of what had happend to the rest of the squad.

Then he saw the second Scarab. Well he had heard it fall from orbit first, then he saw it. Its purple outside shined as the sun came out from behind a building.

"-blam!-, how am I gonna kill this thing!" He thought out loud.

He watched the Scarab fire its killer beam of plasma and ran towards the end of the street. The Scarab continued to fire at the same place.

"So there must be something there, unless the Aliens are high on something." He muttered.

He sprinted into a street called New Kennedy Town and saw what the behomoth was shooting at. It was a large, multi-storey complex with old, yellow brick walls. A big part of the first floor had been decimated and the remains were scattered on the parking lot.

Suddenly, a Ghost zoomed past Malarek without noticing him. He shot at the driver. The driver, a grunt, fell off of the pink vehicle in an instant. Malarek walked over to the Ghost quickly and got in it. He looked at the controls and sighed. He pressed a button, the vehicle hovered off the ground by a few feet and then lurched foward. He pressed another button and he began to move smoothly.





[Edited on 10.15.2010 2:31 PM PDT]

  • 10.14.2010 9:13 AM PDT

beautiful
can you a well made writer look at my writing and tell me what you think is needed
I have 4 chapters done (there called logs in the story but you get it)

2 are on the first post and the other 2 are on the second.

MY story is called the The UNSC Frigate BlueDwarf
or mabe your friend AssaultCommand could help
as unlike you I have no chitter chat to help my writing
#

[Edited on 10.14.2010 6:46 PM PDT]

  • 10.14.2010 6:38 PM PDT


Posted by: AssaultCommand

Posted by: POMC S117 Owns
why do u want me to use it so much? And I already said they were using a machine gun earlier in the story.
Just sayin' it'd make more sense to quickly grab the grenade launcher if you were a Heavy-Weapons guy. You'd know of the EMP effect so that even if you miss you still slow them down for a while. I sure know I would've left the mounted machine gun to go for the GL as the machine gun would take time to be pulled over, as the arm pulls it back against the hull if you don't hold it, and, realistically speaking (leaving gameplay mechanics out), the MG's barrel has to spin up before you can shoot.

I also don't think if you were sitting in a Falcon which was about to fly off towards New Hong Kong, you'd expect to be attacked so soon again and would leave the MG hanging and just enjoy the view. And yes, soldiers do make mistakes like that.


Posted by: Axe11154
beautiful
can you a well made writer look at my writing and tell me what you think is needed
I have 4 chapters done (there called logs in the story but you get it)

2 are on the first post and the other 2 are on the second.

MY story is called the The UNSC Frigate BlueDwarf
or mabe your friend AssaultCommand could help
as unlike you I have no chitter chat to help my writing
#
Do not advertise your story in other threads.
Do not speak like that about me, you could just have asked me myself.

POMC S117 is not my boss, and I'm only helping him because I like his story and his grammar and spelling skill aren't perfect. I would've probably helped you, but the way you talked about me as if I was property of POMC makes me feel the need to decline your request.

Have a nice day :)


How did I talk bad about you
when I say chitter chatter Im talking about how when 2 people talk and converse on a story or plot to make it better
I never once said he was your boss.
further more were in my brief talk did I ever say he owns you. I mean really just really.
and I was asking him because His thread was the first thing I saw. Then when I saw that you 2 were working together I just edited my post instead of adding another post so I wouldn't be spamming.

  • 10.15.2010 3:40 AM PDT

What a waste....

Why were they using a Falcon if they were in the Marines?

Otherwise, aside from some punctuation errors, you're doing good. Check out my story, Project: GUNGNIR.

  • 10.15.2010 7:20 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

I leave this topic for a day and suddenly a whole load of people start reading it, I should to it more often. I have already read the Blue Dwarf and its quite good aside from some spelling mistakes and minor things like that. And Assault Command is my property. Not! Also were does it say that Falcons were restricted to Marines. The reason for me not using your part, which is very good don't get me wrong, is because I like putting my own touch on things. Again, thank you for your feedback and, in Assault Commands case, the editing.

[Edited on 10.15.2010 9:43 AM PDT]

  • 10.15.2010 9:41 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Ouch!

  • 10.15.2010 10:49 AM PDT


Posted by: AssaultCommand

Posted by: Axe11154

Posted by: AssaultCommand
Posted by: Axe11154
beautiful
can you a well made writer look at my writing and tell me what you think is needed
I have 4 chapters done (there called logs in the story but you get it)

2 are on the first post and the other 2 are on the second.

MY story is called the The UNSC Frigate BlueDwarf
or mabe your friend AssaultCommand could help
as unlike you I have no chitter chat to help my writing
#
Do not advertise your story in other threads.
Do not speak like that about me, you could just have asked me myself.

POMC S117 is not my boss, and I'm only helping him because I like his story and his grammar and spelling skill aren't perfect. I would've probably helped you, but the way you talked about me as if I was property of POMC makes me feel the need to decline your request.

Have a nice day :)


How did I talk bad about you
when I say chitter chatter Im talking about how when 2 people talk and converse on a story or plot to make it better
I never once said he was your boss.
further more were in my brief talk did I ever say he owns you. I mean really just really.
and I was asking him because His thread was the first thing I saw. Then when I saw that you 2 were working together I just edited my post instead of adding another post so I wouldn't be spamming.
You said: "or maybe your friend AssaultCommand can help."
You were talking about me and asking for my help without asking ME.
You were asking POMC for my help, and I do not belong to POMC, so he has no right to choose as to whether I have to help you or not.

I do, however, see that your English vocabulary, spelling and grammatical capacities are of such an inadequate magnitude that you could've meant something else, but you were too illiterate to write it down correctly. In that case, better your English and explain to me what you meant and I'll take everything back.

Once again, have a nice day :)

Simple as this
You and AssaultCommand seem to be good friends. I Thought you Might of been busy or just plain gone. and his time on the last post clearly stated that he was the more likely to be on so I indicated it the message tords him. I meant no disrespect simply indication of the most likely to answer first and if he wasn't up for the task he could tell you for me.


also just saying but if you look at the times of when I was adding logs, there with in mere seconds-minutes of each other.
making it to were they aren't bumps (well thats how it is on these forums because they move like mountains, however in the Reach forums it would be bumping.)

Just because people dont post dont mean they dont like it. I love some post be never comment unless its a friends, I want to make friends, or its just so damb good.
last thanks POMC for reading it and Im glad you liked it. Ill make log 5 sometime today and with your permission could I use one of your characters. Seeing as this takes place during the covie vs human war, and mine times place a little after. I would sort of tie are story's together in a small (and short) way.

[Edited on 10.15.2010 1:44 PM PDT]

  • 10.15.2010 1:25 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Yes as long as you say its mine or say thanks to POMC S117. And who do you want.

  • 10.15.2010 1:59 PM PDT


Posted by: POMC S117 Owns
Yes as long as you say its mine or say thanks to POMC S117. And who do you want.

any of them who you think actually is gonna live through this hell youv written for them lmao jk.

maybe Fringlek or Rolek
They seem to be the most likely who would be in my story.

and If you like, you could use 1 of my characters it only be fair (heck 2 sense you read my thread). How ever it be a little better if it was Horn, Daric, Gregory, or Slash as 2 are dead and it be ok for you to mess with them and the other 2 as they fit with your story a little

  • 10.15.2010 2:19 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Well Rolek would be about 60 at least thats if I make him survive. So if you use him say that he just came out of cryo so that he is younger but hey what the heck.

  • 10.15.2010 2:36 PM PDT


Posted by: POMC S117 Owns
Well Rolek would be about 60 at least thats if I make him survive. So if you use him say that he just came out of cryo so that he is younger but hey what the heck.

ok him then lol
so do you want to use one or 2 of my characters and which would you like.
If you want more information on the one you want (like if its one of the dead) just ask

  • 10.15.2010 2:44 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

What ones the oldest and would have been about 18 in 2525?

  • 10.15.2010 2:50 PM PDT

Daric and Gregory are the closest but Gregory by far is the one you want. Darci wasn't born in this time while Gregory was getting his spartan armor fitted on him. As my story says how ever, Hes a marine that is so large and muscular he cant fit in marine armor so they gave him spartan armor and he soon proved to be even stronger then a spartan. He was 20 at the time in your story.

so Gregory is your best bet. Probably be in your story right after he was given spartan armor and taking it for a spin or a week before they fitted it to him.

  • 10.15.2010 3:11 PM PDT

Posted by: AssaultCommand

Hey, don't be condescending. Everyone starts off small; you should look at the Memoirs thread and see some of my early posts. I had appalling grammar and idiosyncratic ideas which made no sense.

You have to gently feed a flame oxygen for it to grow. Blasting it with a strong gust of wind will just extinguish it.

We're all part of the fan fiction community here and shouldn't be hostile towards each other. Help one another out, and so unto others as you would have them do unto you.

  • 10.15.2010 3:11 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

I was like aaaaaaaaallllleeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllluuuuiiiiaaaaa when I saw that Wolver had commented in my thread and then I loled. And thanks for your help, all of you especially Assault Command.

  • 10.15.2010 3:17 PM PDT


Posted by: AssaultCommand

[

Posted by: AssaultCommand

Posted by: Axe11154

Posted by: AssaultCommand
Posted by: Axe11154
beautiful
can you a well made writer look at my writing and tell me what you think is needed
I have 4 chapters done (there called logs in the story but you get it)

2 are on the first post and the other 2 are on the second.

MY story is called the The UNSC Frigate BlueDwarf
or mabe your friend AssaultCommand could help
as unlike you I have no chitter chat to help my writing
# [/quote]Do not advertise your story in other threads.
Do not speak like that about me, you could just have asked me myself.

POMC S117 is not my boss, and I'm only helping him because I like his story and his grammar and spelling skill aren't perfect. I would've probably helped you, but the way you talked about me as if I was property of POMC makes me feel the need to decline your request.

Have a nice day :)


How did I talk bad about you
when I say chitter chatter Im talking about how when 2 people talk and converse on a story or plot to make it better
I never once said he was your boss.
further more were in my brief talk did I ever say he owns you. I mean really just really.
and I was asking him because His thread was the first thing I saw. Then when I saw that you 2 were working together I just edited my post instead of adding another post so I wouldn't be spamming.
You said: "or maybe your friend AssaultCommand can help."
You were talking about me and asking for my help without asking ME.
You were asking POMC for my help, and I do not belong to POMC, so he has no right to choose as to whether I have to help you or not.

I do, however, see that your English vocabulary, spelling and grammatical capacities are of such an inadequate magnitude that you could've meant something else, but you were too illiterate to write it down correctly. In that case, better your English and explain to me what you meant and I'll take everything back.

Once again, have a nice day :)

Simple as this
You and AssaultCommand seem to be good friends. I Thought you Might of been busy or just plain gone. and his time on the last post clearly stated that he was the more likely to be on so I indicated it the message tords him. I meant no disrespect simply indication of the most likely to answer first and if he wasn't up for the task he could tell you for me.


also just saying but if you look at the times of when I was adding logs, there with in mere seconds-minutes of each other.
making it to were they aren't bumps (well thats how it is on these forums because they move like mountains, however in the Reach forums it would be bumping.)

Just because people dont post dont mean they dont like it. I love some post be never comment unless its a friends, I want to make friends, or its just so damb good.
last thanks POMC for reading it and Im glad you liked it. Ill make log 5 sometime today and with your permission could I use one of your characters. Seeing as this takes place during the covie vs human war, and mine times place a little after. I would sort of tie are story's together in a small (and short) way.
I understand that you may have assumed POMC was more likely to read your post, but that still doesn't fully justify why you asked him for me to help you and didn't just directly ask me for my help.

Oh, and just when I thought you'd outsmarted me somehow and had suddenly grown adequately proficient in grammar, vocabulary and spelling, you let me down and begin you're illiterate chatter again.

I do, however, take everything back that may have sounded offensive, but please, dear sir, consider taking a thorough course of the English language at an official educational office before you continue your attempt at writing a fan-fiction story. Once you've (truly) bettered your English, I promise to you I'll support you 100% and I may even make a PDF book for your story like the ones I made for my dear friend Wolverfrog's novels. Check them out in the top forum listing on the right when you go back to this forum's index.
The books I've done for him are 'True Sangheili' and 'Halo 3: Insurrection'.

Take your time to learn your English, it will pay off eventually.

//>AssaultCommand


Thank you for taking it back and will gladly read any thing you hand me. I am in fact taking English and dont care for it. I prefer to read and write for fun then to write or read for a actual reason. I can generally get my writing wright (lol see what I did :P) but for some reason or another I screw it up thinking I did something wrong (second guessing isn't healthy for a story). I will do as you said for it takes 4 to through a proper party as we say here in the country :P.

  • 10.15.2010 3:29 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 3 complete

I read and write for recreation too but that does not mean that I cannot learn through the process of doing so. And so can you, and anyone else.

And I'm not a professional, AC. I don't even qualify as amateur. I'm just someone who turned 15 a few months ago and writes in his spare time. School takes priority at the moment, and always shall.

:P

[Edited on 10.15.2010 3:36 PM PDT]

  • 10.15.2010 3:34 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Whoever said your not even an amateur is the stupidest person ever, you are one of the most amazing writers i've seen. And I don't even know how to clone myself Assault Command. If I did I wouldn't be in Clydebank and going to school I would be in a conference about science or something. And I turned 13 3 weeks ago.

[Edited on 10.15.2010 3:42 PM PDT]

  • 10.15.2010 3:42 PM PDT