The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 8.40 complete
  • Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 8.40 complete
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 8.40 complete

Posted by: Wolverfrog
Spoiling the entire thing isn't the best way to hook people. And I'm not being funny or anything, but your planned plot sounds cliche and, to be quite candid, dull.

The Halo universe is full of ancient civilisations, religious zealots, dissenting rebels, super-weapons of incredible power, an entire covenant of aliens with varied histories and motives... and you're writing another generic war story.

Just think outside the box a little bit. The Halo games are about shooting, and that's fun, but reading about shooting is boring beyond belief.


your are so right my friend. when i was reading Halo: The Flood i almost died. literally. Ghosts of Onyx though, well thats a story. and POMC i meant that i don't see this as becoming anything more than a thread on the forums, not it being too long. plus, how the hell will a group of marines sorvive on a covie planet for more than a day

  • 12.22.2010 11:20 AM PDT

I leave and every one turns up shooting as a bad thing to read
oddly I agree
Reading about shooting is not a good read reading about people fighting is oddly good. looking in a comic with shooting fighting and other stuff. Well thats awesome.

  • 12.22.2010 2:08 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns


Posted by: Wolverfrog
Spoiling the entire thing isn't the best way to hook people. And I'm not being funny or anything, but your planned plot sounds cliche and, to be quite candid, dull.

The Halo universe is full of ancient civilisations, religious zealots, dissenting rebels, super-weapons of incredible power, an entire covenant of aliens with varied histories and motives... and you're writing another generic war story.

Just think outside the box a little bit. The Halo games are about shooting, and that's fun, but reading about shooting is boring beyond belief.


"Ha ha," I laugh stretching out my arms like a mad man, boasting about his evil schemes for domination." You have fallen for my ploy. Do you really think I am that cliched - yes, it is rhetorical. You think I would give my plot away. That was a fabrication, an utter lie. I have another idea that doesn't involve a war and also continues my story." Stops speaking dramatically and chokes on apple.

  • 12.30.2010 11:58 AM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns


Posted by: Axe11154
I leave and every one turns up shooting as a bad thing to read
oddly I agree
Reading about shooting is not a good read reading about people fighting is oddly good. looking in a comic with shooting fighting and other stuff. Well thats awesome.


So I need fighting that isn't shooting and other stuff. How about arceology and other things? Well there is no better way to improve something than listen to critism. So less shooting and more other stuff that isn't shooting. Thanks!

  • 12.30.2010 12:02 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Hopefully the little part I added in Chapter 9 was different enough. If not, kill me. Or just tell me what you want to read exactly.

  • 12.30.2010 12:38 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

I've been away for a while, have a nice New Year Axe? Anyway, I have had a minor writers block so I am going to sit and type until my hands bleed.

  • 01.17.2011 11:28 AM PDT

yes I have and sadly the same thing

  • 01.17.2011 1:56 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 5 complete
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Bungie.net member Since 2001

"A hero need not speak. When he is gone, the world will speak for him"
"You are the last of your kind: bred for combat, built for war. You're the master of any weapon, pilot of any vehicle, and fear no enemy"

Still on chapter 6.

  • 01.17.2011 3:41 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

No. I'm on Chapter 9. Well 10. It's on the previous page.

  • 01.18.2011 12:00 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 8.40 complete

POMC S117 Owns owns


Posted by: Axe11154
yes I have and sadly the same thing


Good. Anyway I can't really change stuff in 1 chapter otherwise it will look rushed. I am gradually leading up to the non-fighting part of the story.

Well I'll start Chapter 10 and i'll keep shooting to a minimum.

  • 01.18.2011 12:02 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Oh my God! This is one of the forums Top Topics. Wow! Either this forum is mental or I'm seeing things.

  • 01.18.2011 12:09 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Bungie.net member Since 2001

"A hero need not speak. When he is gone, the world will speak for him"
"You are the last of your kind: bred for combat, built for war. You're the master of any weapon, pilot of any vehicle, and fear no enemy"

Tonight I'll read Chapters 7-9

[Edited on 01.18.2011 12:26 PM PST]

  • 01.18.2011 12:26 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 11 out!

POMC S117 Owns owns

Chapter 10 - The Plan

The pilot slowly navigated the Pelican around a large, irregular hunk of metal, one of many that littered a newly sprung debris field. A long computer drifted by, scraping the paint work. The pilot accelerated the Pelican until it was side by side with the Frigate.

It was pitch black and it was next to impossible to differenciate the paint on the hull from the darkness of space.
No heat or light was emitting from it and Rolek believed it was a dead ship. Lost. Forgotten. Broken.

"Captain Yakotee, requesting permission to dock, over." Said the pilot, steering away from a sparking wire.

The captain must have been a pessimist, thought Rolek, for he exclaimed in surprise, questioning how they survived.

Finally, after many queries, he opened Docking Bay 7 for them.

The Pelican glided up beside the Frigate and entered the Docking Bay.

It was a large, full area with critically hit vehicles and piles of scrap. A whole jet from a Pelican was balanced precariously on a box and ammo and guns were scattered on the metal floor.

Carefully the pilot edged slowly into one of the only empty spaces and deactivated the engines.

The Captain marched up to greet them, a grim smile etched onto his face.

"Captain Rolek, nice to see you," He said, watching two marines hastily rush Malarek away in a stretcher."It's been a while."

Rolek looked quizzically at the man and asked politely,"Do I know you?"

"Probably not, anyway walk with me." Commanded the Captain.

Rolek obeyed him. They walked through the empty corridors, which were shadows of their former selfs, and Captain Yakotee briefed him solemnly.

"It was bad. Worse than bad, it was terrible. If you think the invasion of Urtgard was bad then what the rest of Harvest went through was horrific. Skyscrapers incinerated, houses scourged and communities devoured. Militia against fully determined, xenophobic aliens. Utgard had military bases, they were defended but the screams, the maddening screams of death and loneliness, were widespread in the countryside. I'll never forget the grief, the wailing, the hopeless pleading.

They came from the sky in huge ships, filled with their armies, it was so fast, so brutal. I could do nothing but save my ship so that survivors could come on-board." They passed the barracks and went into the Captain's Quarters.

The Captain sat down at his pristine, thoroughly polished desk and waved at Rolek to sit down.

Rolek sat down on an old, moth-chewed leather seat.

The Captain drummed his finger rhythmicallly off of the table.

"Sir, what is it?" Asked Rolek after a while.

The Captain stopped drumming. "Your pilot told me the seriousness of your situation. Only problem is that an alien cruiser happens to be within attacking vicinity of us." He explained. "If we send out any energy signals other than life support, then it will bombard us to kingdom come."

"So, let me guess." Said Rolek. "You want me and my team to dispose of it."

"Yes. That would be nice. Then we would be able to establish a small supply base for you and give you any military assets you need."

Rolek thought quietly for a few moments. " Well, I am sorry but I am missing two good, skilled soldiers. It would be a suicide mission."

"Don't worry about them. They will get immediate medical attention and be ready for battle in no time. Also, I have a small ODST squad waiting for you in the Barracks."

"Okay." Said Rolek in reply. "But, how are we going to get there?"

Captain Yakotee stood up and walked slowly towards a glass cabinet. He opened it and he was met with a fruity aroma.

Inside was a standard issue pistol and a large bottle of wine. He also took out two small glasses and laid them on the desk.

"Want some?" He questioned.

"Seriously? We're on duty."

"Anyway." He said, taking a deep sip. "The plan is to drift over towards the ship and hope that they don't notice that we are still intact, then we will drop you and your squad into the ship in pods."

Rolek nodded in agreement. "And then we overload the engines and escape."

"It's not going to be easy, but you have a Spartan and your squad is one of the best."

*

Captain Mclintosh of the 33rd Marine Brigade was on duty when the Covenent began their vicious orbital attack. In a matter of minutes the ground around him had become a desolate plain of slush and swamp. Homes had been leveled in seconds and cities had been burned to a blackened cinder.

He was stationed at Arctic Base 12 and when the news of an alien invasion arrived, it fell into a silent coma. All excavation vehicles had either been scrapped or converted into assault or transport vehicles. All trade had ceased and the base closed down.

He was patrolling the perimeter, thinking about life and smoking a cigar, when he felt a burning hot pain slice into his back....

His body fell onto the snow, twisted. A small streak of smoke was emitting from a small, surgical-like cut in his lower stomach. No blood fell out, just ash.

His partner spun on the spot, Shotgun facing the body. He looked up and saw a spear floating in the air. It charged towards him before he could even let out a tiny scream of pain.

Three humongous Elites de-cloaked and spat at the bodies.

"Search the area, kill any resistance you meet, but find the artefact and defend it." One of them barked domineeringly.

The other two bowed politely and walked away, turning on stealth systems.

The leader padded through the snow and scaled a small hill where he through back his head and laughed cruelly, the sound rebounding through the valley.

*

Captain Rolek stood at the entrance to the Pod Bay, planning to take a pistol and a Battle Rifle from a small, metal rack.

The room was large and spacious with most of the clutter being situated at the walls. It was also extremely wide and made of metal, like all rooms in the Frigate. On one side was the airlocks where the black, prison-like pods were located, and on the other, which was where Rolek was standing, was a small armoury staffed by a lone Private.

As Rolek strode in slowly, the Private quickly stopped repairing a battered and well-used XBR55 Battle Rifle.

"Can I help you, sir?" He asked, saluting politely and a little to enthusiastically.

"No. No. Just looking." He replied, saluting back at him.

The Private nodded, giving a wide smile.

Rolek walked over to the rack and took the weapons. He held the rifle in his large, scarred hands, weighing it.

It was painted black, made of titanium alloy and easy to hold as it was used by nearly every UNSC personel. It was gas-operated, magazine-fed and was the optimum choice weapon for exterminating targets at medium to long ranges.

He fired a few, well-aimed bursts at the wall and then reloaded, the gas piston reseting after impinging its contents.

"Nice shooting sir." Said a voice that Rolek did not recognise.

Rolek spun around, gun hanging at his side. It was Sgt. Graham Connell, the leader of the ODST squad that Captain Yakotee had given him.

"Is there a shooting range on this ship?"

"Yes. But, the Captain wants to see us up at the bridge."

Rolek put the gun back on its rack and followed the Sergeant.

"So," Asked the Sergeant, in a friendly tone."What were you doing on Harvest?"

"Sorry, but that's confidential." He said automatically.

"Oh."

They walked down a corridor in companionable silence, until Rolek asked him something.

"Why is there so much scrap flying around us?"

"Oh. That's the wreckage from the transport vehicles. Also one of the reasons why we had to switch off our engines, in case we collide with a huge piece and receive a hull breach."

"That's bad. How many ships?"

"About 30, maybe more, maybe less." He said, obviously not worried.

"That's hundreds of people killed, in a burning coffin of metal, no surviving, no help."

The sergeant shrugged and stopped at a door, walking away leaving Rolek sickened by his lack of respect and sensitivity.

Inside was a crowded room, loaded with uniformed marines, towering system controls, targeting machines and military hardware.

Standing beside a huge glass sheet, reinforced to shield the ship from solar radiation, was Captain Yakotee.

He was a bright beacon compared to the oblivion of space. He was also a beacon of hope to the civillian that had survived the conflict raging on below, instilling faith in their hearts.

When he saw Rolek stride through the empty space in the wall, subtituted for a door, he stuffed something metal into his pocket and ambled nearer a control panel.

"Captain, give the word and I'll set course for the ship." He notified Rolek in an authoritive voice.

"I'm ready, sir." He responded amiably.

Yakotee settled him self on a chair and drove over to his desk.

"All crew report to your stations. I repeat all crew report to your stations immediately. This is your Captain speaking. We are going to drift this ship over to our aggressors. Do not worry." He continued to assuage his crews fears. "Today we were evicted forcefully from our homes and family. But we will send our enemies a message. If you mess with us, you will pay. They may have superior firepower and technology, however, we have something they do not. A cause!"

All throughout the ship, people answered this rallying speech by erupting in cheers and yells.

Yakotee smiled his success away and nodded to Rolek. "Assemble your team."

*

"Admiral, we're detecting a faint energy signal coming from the debris field. Shall we check it out?" Reported an Elite Minor, bowing devoutly.

The Fleet Admiral growled at the petty soldier, who was little more than cannon-fodder. "No human would dare challenge us."

The Minor glanced around the room anxiously.

Continued!

[Edited on 05.19.2011 11:47 AM PDT]

  • 01.18.2011 12:58 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

It had purple, sloping walls that had majestic, intricate symbols scribbled on it. There were thick, metal columns protruding from the floor and data-processors and calculators lined the walls.

"Sir, I'm being serious." He persisted.

"What blasphemy is this? Anymore of your unholiness and I will have you executed. Now back to work!"

If Elites could whimper like dogs, then the minor would have done just that.

*

The Frigate wafted through the battered hulls and fuselage like it was one of them, until it came to the sleek Assualt Carrier.

"Rolek, you in the pod?" Questioned the ships captain.

"Yeah." He flicked a switch on the inside of the pod and it powered up slowly. The light inside ebbed on and off until it was stable.

He inserted his rifle in a holder and turned on the link to the rest of the "coffins".

He was greeted with a grainy picture and static.

He sat patiently, silently whistling a melancholy tune to himself. Then the camera on the bottom left activated and he saw one of the ODST troopers climb into his pod.

"Sir, this is Corporal Charles Harris. I'm the teams demo expert." He said in a neighbourly manner.

"I'm glad to have you on the team Harris. You seen the rest of the squad?"

"Negative. Sorry sir."

Then the other two cameras went on and the the last ODST introduced himself. "This is Warrant Officer Atticus Maycomb."

The sergeant did not greet Rolek, instead choosing to converse with Captain Yakotee. "Sir. When do we drop?"

"Right away. I am installing an AI into your pods. It'll provide you with combat updates, tactical analysis and open any doors or disable detectors for you."

Steam and air blew out of the pods as it pressurised and the glass door closed. It lowered further into the airlock.

Then the metal doors slid across a slate and grinded to a halt at the wall.

The pods were officially hanging in space, only some rope and wire holding it in place.

"Troopers, your helmets are the most important thing you have. If anything goes wrong, they'll make sure your lungs don't rupture. Lock and load.

[Edited on 05.19.2011 11:48 AM PDT]

  • 01.18.2011 1:01 PM PDT
Subject: [Novel] The Conflict of Harvest-Chapter 9 OUT!

good good Ill get done with my chapter 6 soon.

  • 01.18.2011 2:23 PM PDT

You know, it's not too bad. I mean, I honestly can't read this seriously due to some 'meh' plotting and short chapters, but looking through the last couple of chapters technically your writing is decent, aside from a few grammar errors and areas which could do with a little elaboration.

If you applied it to something with a better plot and put more effort into writing a substantial chapter, I think you could writing something good.

  • 01.18.2011 2:41 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Is that a compliment or what? Lol!

  • 01.20.2011 11:16 AM PDT

Its a complement. and its a hell lot better then what he gave me. If you had waited I would of added the not finished sign for peat sakes.

  • 01.20.2011 2:41 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Lol! He is hard to please. Joke.

  • 01.20.2011 3:04 PM PDT

If you can read this, that means I'm not a Shaolin monk...

yet.


Posted by: Wolverfrog
You know, it's not too bad. I mean, I honestly can't read this seriously due to some 'meh' plotting and short chapters, but looking through the last couple of chapters technically your writing is decent, aside from a few grammar errors and areas which could do with a little elaboration.

If you applied it to something with a better plot and put more effort into writing a substantial chapter, I think you could writing something good.

"I think you could writing something good"? What is this? Sabotauge? Intentional misspelling to cause horror and misfortune in POMC's vocabulary?

To think I thought you tried to help.

  • 01.26.2011 2:14 PM PDT


Posted by: TheGreenAlloy

Posted by: Wolverfrog
You know, it's not too bad. I mean, I honestly can't read this seriously due to some 'meh' plotting and short chapters, but looking through the last couple of chapters technically your writing is decent, aside from a few grammar errors and areas which could do with a little elaboration.

If you applied it to something with a better plot and put more effort into writing a substantial chapter, I think you could writing something good.

"I think you could writing something good"? What is this? Sabotauge? Intentional misspelling to cause horror and misfortune in POMC's vocabulary?

To think I thought you tried to help.

he does help. While not in the way a normal person does He does help. by using remarks hard to read it makes us want to try harder to be better writers. Indeed if you wana be good at it hes the one you call. Also Pomc. Check your messages. I got bad news but and idea for are plot. last thanks alloy for telling me. I would of never known if you hadn't told me.

  • 01.26.2011 5:33 PM PDT


Posted by: AssaultCommand
Posted by: Axe11154

Posted by: TheGreenAlloy

Posted by: Wolverfrog
You know, it's not too bad. I mean, I honestly can't read this seriously due to some 'meh' plotting and short chapters, but looking through the last couple of chapters technically your writing is decent, aside from a few grammar errors and areas which could do with a little elaboration.

If you applied it to something with a better plot and put more effort into writing a substantial chapter, I think you could writing something good.

"I think you could writing something good"? What is this? Sabotauge? Intentional misspelling to cause horror and misfortune in POMC's vocabulary?

To think I thought you tried to help.

he does help. While not in the way a normal person does He does help. by using remarks hard to read it makes us want to try harder to be better writers.
How the -Blam!- are his remarks hard to read?
WTF?

If you aren't capable to comprehend his remarks, then, honestly, I believe you should stop writing stories until you truly understand the English language.

-_-
I mean like to tell if its a complement or a punch to the gut.
I mean half the people on these forums have trouble telling if there hero is trying to make the suicide.
like what green alloy said.

and I wouldn't stop writing just because one person doesn't understand how I talk or how I operate.

  • 01.27.2011 1:11 PM PDT

If you can read this, that means I'm not a Shaolin monk...

yet.

Stop it, both of you. I don't want this thread to get locked. Take it to the PM's.

  • 01.27.2011 11:32 PM PDT