- xDARKxL0RDx
- |
- Noble Legendary Member
Don't cross the white line.
"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a Halo regular a fish, and he'll complain about the taste, color, type, size, where you found it, how you obtained it, whether or not you'll give him more fish later, and I don't know how many more things.And then when you give him another fish, he'll complain that it's not exactly like the first fish. Rinse and repeat."
Excellent. Glad you moved it from the Uni ;)
Some grammatical errors and things like that seem to be happening too frequently, but overall you have good writing. Nice description, enjoyable action and just generally some interesting storytelling! I look forward to more.
Will edit for free if asked...