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Subject: Yipip:the fanfic A unggoy tale

no it was the "even bother discussing" part that I saw as rude. I mean there are ones that Iv seen that are a good bit shorter then this and Iv seen you praise there's. Or at least give them words of wisdom like Yoda lol.

and thanks Ktan Dantaktee.



  • 11.05.2010 5:45 PM PDT
Subject: [Fanfic] Yipip - An unggoy tale
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Posted by: chotato
smart, interesting, seems out of place.


Official fan of Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty, (Problem with that?) Halo, and Bungie, also a total gaming junkie.

Ya, it does get annoying some times, your's are good sized when it comes to length (and very well written aside from a few spelling mistakes) but yet MUCH shorter things written by WF and them get worshiped more than God himeself.

[Edited on 11.05.2010 6:49 PM PDT]

  • 11.05.2010 6:49 PM PDT

Wait, what?

I was commenting on his latest chapter; it was a few sentences long for crying out loud. How is one supposed to praise that? The ones I have are just prologues that have done their jobs to get the reader interesting. It's not acceptable to submit such a thing as a mid-story chapter, in my opinion.

I've never written anything so short, and I aim to have each of my chapters about three posts long. My Epilogue for Insurrection was the size of most fan fictions, for crying out loud.

:P

Stop this silly competition and envy. Because this isn't a contest. It's a community. Or at least, it used to be back in the day.

And in all honesty I think many of you need to lose these ridiculous egos you have. You've all only been writing for what, a few months? And yet you lament over the fact that people don't view you as God's gifts to fan fiction. Recognition and praise will come with time.

Just relax and enjoy the writing. If you're only writing for the comments and recognition then just stop. Do you think I only write because I have a fair few people who read it?

No. I write because I love writing, and publish it because I enjoy sharing what I have created with the rest of the world. That's how fan fiction and creative writing as a whole should be approached. It shouldn't be seen as a rushed chore in which the goal is to get as many comments as possible.

[Edited on 11.06.2010 3:22 AM PDT]

  • 11.06.2010 3:21 AM PDT
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Posted by: chotato
smart, interesting, seems out of place.


Official fan of Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty, (Problem with that?) Halo, and Bungie, also a total gaming junkie.

OK, sometimes things will be short, people CAN run out of ideas. Two, this is still a community, I didn't write here to eneter some 'contest', I came to give it a try, see what it was like. Three, I just want some comments like everyone else, who doesn't want to hear a "Good job" or a "Nice story" once in a while, and all I see for this story is mostly criticism, not the kind that builds you up. Sorry if this is offensive to anybody, I don't want to be the cause of people leaving like FTZ, I think I drove someone away. And didn't he say that chapter wasn't even done, it said "(Not Done)", and yes Axe, I agree, that thing about not discussing was rude of WF.

[Edited on 11.06.2010 8:41 AM PDT]

  • 11.06.2010 8:38 AM PDT

# Wolverfrog

What?


I wasn't getting mad at you for the constructive criticism.

I was mad at my self for not putting up the

(not Done Yet) Sign

Like I previously said.

Oh and very sad at those 3 words you left.



What Im saying is the chapter isn't done. I am very mad at my self that I forgot the (Not Done yet sign) and the fact that You think I was writing this for comments. I was just going to make a simple story of a grunt. That's all. I do however love talking and get carried away at times and some times go for the comments just to talk a little.


Ktan Dantaktee

Thank you for defending me and you have good points.
But as WF said criticism is good. But as you said to much of it can make you sad and make you feel low and down in the dumps.

# Wolverfrog
I love your work and cant wait for the next chapter but please dont leave a mean comment first. Instead ask a question so you can get the full story of things. Like how you did'nt give me the chance to add the (Not Done) sign (God Iv said that to many times). Then you could of added a constructive comment, A Criticism comment, Or a WTFIWWY GTFO Comment. All would of been accepted if you had just asked first why the 5th chapter was so short.

Ktan Dantaktee

Your story is good. But please let the rain poor on your a face a little so you can create some sun light threw the clouds.







I hope this clears things up, makes you both mad at me but in a understanding way, Makes you both happy, and makes you both friends again.


Have a good day and enjoy your supper. :P

  • 11.06.2010 9:29 AM PDT
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Posted by: chotato
smart, interesting, seems out of place.


Official fan of Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty, (Problem with that?) Halo, and Bungie, also a total gaming junkie.

...I don't get the "let the sun shine" thing, and why would I want to be mad at you, you're a nice guy, and I never hated or disliked Wolverfrog, I was just agreeing with you. But I didn't eat supper, I just ate at Subway for lunch, how could I eat dinner? LOL JK

[Edited on 11.06.2010 11:38 AM PDT]

  • 11.06.2010 11:37 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Posted by: Wolverfrog
Wait, what?

I was commenting on his latest chapter; it was a few sentences long for crying out loud. How is one supposed to praise that? The ones I have are just prologues that have done their jobs to get the reader interesting. It's not acceptable to submit such a thing as a mid-story chapter, in my opinion.

I've never written anything so short, and I aim to have each of my chapters about three posts long. My Epilogue for Insurrection was the size of most fan fictions, for crying out loud.

:P

Stop this silly competition and envy. Because this isn't a contest. It's a community. Or at least, it used to be back in the day.

And in all honesty I think many of you need to lose these ridiculous egos you have. You've all only been writing for what, a few months? And yet you lament over the fact that people don't view you as God's gifts to fan fiction. Recognition and praise will come with time.

Just relax and enjoy the writing. If you're only writing for the comments and recognition then just stop. Do you think I only write because I have a fair few people who read it?

No. I write because I love writing, and publish it because I enjoy sharing what I have created with the rest of the world. That's how fan fiction and creative writing as a whole should be approached. It shouldn't be seen as a rushed chore in which the goal is to get as many comments as possible.


Connor's hit the nail on the head here, too many new writers only care about getting recognized for fan fics they spend about ten minutes working on. Writing is a creative outlet, something to be enjoyed instead of trying to boost your status and becoming some egotistical bastard.

Axe, you've been like this from the start, advertising your stuff in other threads and trying to build up some sort of competition. It's pathetic, especially considering your latest "chapter" was about 3 paragraphs long.

So here's some advice: Deflate your head, start from scratch, stop being pretentious and learn to accept criticism. We all start from a point and write a load of crap, then we get better because people tell us how to improve that crap and make it good.

I started Halo fan fics 3 years ago, did I get noticed? No, I had a small little group of friends who gave a -blam!- about what I wrote and they helped me improve what was absolute bollocks, I wouldn't change that at all now that I have had 2 solid years of getting A's and A*;s in English.

  • 11.08.2010 10:27 AM PDT


Posted by: ajw34307
Posted by: Wolverfrog
Wait, what?

I was commenting on his latest chapter; it was a few sentences long for crying out loud. How is one supposed to praise that? The ones I have are just prologues that have done their jobs to get the reader interesting. It's not acceptable to submit such a thing as a mid-story chapter, in my opinion.

I've never written anything so short, and I aim to have each of my chapters about three posts long. My Epilogue for Insurrection was the size of most fan fictions, for crying out loud.

:P

Stop this silly competition and envy. Because this isn't a contest. It's a community. Or at least, it used to be back in the day.

And in all honesty I think many of you need to lose these ridiculous egos you have. You've all only been writing for what, a few months? And yet you lament over the fact that people don't view you as God's gifts to fan fiction. Recognition and praise will come with time.

Just relax and enjoy the writing. If you're only writing for the comments and recognition then just stop. Do you think I only write because I have a fair few people who read it?

No. I write because I love writing, and publish it because I enjoy sharing what I have created with the rest of the world. That's how fan fiction and creative writing as a whole should be approached. It shouldn't be seen as a rushed chore in which the goal is to get as many comments as possible.


Connor's hit the nail on the head here, too many new writers only care about getting recognized for fan fics they spend about ten minutes working on. Writing is a creative outlet, something to be enjoyed instead of trying to boost your status and becoming some egotistical bastard.

Axe, you've been like this from the start, advertising your stuff in other threads and trying to build up some sort of competition. It's pathetic, especially considering your latest "chapter" was about 3 paragraphs long.

So here's some advice: Deflate your head, start from scratch, stop being pretentious and learn to accept criticism. We all start from a point and write a load of crap, then we get better because people tell us how to improve that crap and make it good.

I started Halo fan fics 3 years ago, did I get noticed? No, I had a small little group of friends who gave a -blam!- about what I wrote and they helped me improve what was absolute bollocks, I wouldn't change that at all now that I have had 2 solid years of getting A's and A*;s in English.



HAY

that was when I was writing blue dwarf and have stopped that to write this. I wanted to write something that was not just good but something I could have fun with.
I accept criticism as I know im not perfect. The reason why I got mad at what WF said was because I wasn't finished with the chapter and was having a huge writers block.

He did'nt even give me a chance to realize I forgot the (Not Done) sign. I said this 3 times now and its making me mad to half to repeat my self.

I just wanted to write a simple story.
I got a few fans from it and liked having them.
I wanted to write more to keep them happy and to make my grammer better.
If one says my grammar is bad or I need to show more in the plot I say thanks for the help and do as they said.

I never once got mad at criticism, Not once.

I got mad at WF because he wasent being clear at the start and I dident understand what he was saying.
I thought he was saying that all my chapters were to short and were un worthy of his review. I got mad because I have seen many of his reviews and some of the story's he was reviewing had chapters shorter then mine.

I then found out he was talking about chapter 5 and realized I had totally forgot the (Not Done) sign. I have stated this many times.

  • 11.08.2010 1:22 PM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Why are you posting incomplete chapters? No matter how you put it, that makes no sense...

  • 11.08.2010 1:24 PM PDT

I dont have word or any writing tool besides forums.

well thats a lie.

I do have Word pad but it has no spell or grammer check.

I was going to download that thing WF gave me but it keeps messing up when I try it.

  • 11.08.2010 1:30 PM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Posted by: Axe11154
I dont have word or any writing tool besides forums.

well thats a lie.

I do have Word pad but it has no spell or grammer check.

I was going to download that thing WF gave me but it keeps messing up when I try it.


That doesn't answer my question...

  • 11.08.2010 2:09 PM PDT

Constant internet black outs,
Wanting to be a little perfect,
constant having to restart my work because of the internet black outs,
food,
friends,
school,
brain blocks,
Checking the facts so I stay in the cannon (why do they called it that any how),

There are many distractions and its hard for me to keep writing for hours. Im just not that big of a dedicated writer. But I love writing story's and wish I could stay on track long anuf to create a peace of art.

  • 11.08.2010 2:40 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

I like the story, I like how you captured the caring yet kinda grumpy personality of Riz and the leadership of Yipip. Just a few spelling mistakes and stuff, but other than that I love it, keep it up. :)

  • 11.18.2010 8:27 AM PDT

thank you chapter 5 will be done soon and chapter 6 will come out shortly after

  • 11.18.2010 2:04 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

Good. Can't wait.

  • 11.19.2010 1:34 PM PDT

Chapter 6
Reunion cut short.

We where on a Carrier hovering over the planet. Riz being given a reward for killing a Demon and Zipip for making sure I came back safe. While I pleaded that all of his squad should be given a reward, they did not allow it. The others didn't mind however. They unlike Zipip were oddly shy and hated being on a stage in front of many eyes. Riz got a odd surprise when he was being given his reward as so did Zipip. Thel 'Vadamee was there to give the rewards him self. While yes this was his fleet it was surprising he would take part in such a unnecessary thing.
"Riz'Comee. You have killed many demons. The count of them has of which only been challenged by 5 others of are kind. For this you will be awarded the rank Field Marshal. Pick your soldiers, choose your weapons, And meet me in the hanger"

"Zipip. You have protected a Battle Deacon and kept him alive during this entire war. He is are last one now as of last week. For you doing this with such honor and ability you will be rewarded with a Phantom and your own squad of 10 grunts. You will also be one of the 100 first to fly into battle on this last mission before this planet is burned"
Thel 'Vadamee spoke with out hesitation.

Indeed this was interesting. A Unggoy, That has the command of 2 squads and his own Phantom. This is rare and almost unheard of for a Factory born Unggoy. I could tell he was happy and could even see a small tear come out his mask. He stared at me as if to ask for permission to read a book. I simply nodded.

A small time later I met Riz in the armory to figure out what was his mission. He wouldn't tell me a lot but what he did say was he was going to lead a mission to destroy a human ship that was very large that was from what we knew waiting for something. It was fully built and its engines where ready for take off. It was Riz'es mission to lead his men to the ship, Destroy it and find out what they where waiting for. Riz was in control of 20 phantoms of the 100 first. Of them he had picked Zipips as a reinforcement. As for me I was staying on a Super-carrier that was going planet side to destroy the ship if the 200 first started to fail. Ether way the ship would be destroyed and Riz would finish his mission. I knew they would come back safely with another trophy to brag about.

While I waited I went to the dock to buy a ticket of sorts. Deacons, Chieftains, Zealots and Prophets could buy tickets on Carriers which would allow to travel to High charity then to a planet of are choosing. I made a promise to Zipip and his hatch group that one day I would take them to Balaho. It was time there blood and skin touched the planet they were meant to.

So I walked to the hanger and gave the ticket booth 12 Hooch'es Leeches. Currency for Unggoy, Kig-yar, Mgalekgolo. 6 Tickets 1 for each. To bad Riz hated snow or I would of bought him one to. While waiting I simply went to the cafiteria to buy a snack. It had to of been an hour when all of a sudden the alarm went off. I went tords the bridge to see what was going on.
"Whats going on"
"150 of are units are down its time we finished the mission" The captain said sternly
As the carrier flew over the ship charging the Glass Cannon I saw a light fly under us. I felt the ship fall and I grasp the tickets I got for Zipip and his clutch. I simply stuck them in a Small box on my person and marked it To Zipip. May it be Guided threw the air to Him.

The last thing Is to pray.......


[Edited on 01.26.2011 5:22 PM PST]

  • 11.21.2010 6:10 AM PDT
Subject: Yipip:the fanfic A unggoy tale

Sour0deez is the leader of the t-P-t
And Administrator of The Clan Union Group
this file is not linked to sour0deez due to technical difficulties this file is linked to MUGBEER19 also IMPORTANT here my name is sourodeez on xbox it is sour0deez

please, it's so confusing. put all chapeters in one post,the first. dont have conversation inbetween

  • 11.21.2010 1:59 PM PDT

actually dude this is how every one makes there story's. 1 little post is not that big and cant hold an intire story. sure we could put them all on page 1 but then it would practically be bumping.
Posted by: SOURODEEZ
please, it's so confusing. put all chapeters in one post,the first. dont have conversation inbetween

  • 11.21.2010 3:23 PM PDT
Subject: [Fanfic] Yipip - An unggoy tale

To be honest, your storytelling could do with a bit more work. Show the audience what is happening in the story, rather than telling them outright about everything, because it keeps it interesting while still being descriptive. It might also benefit from some more outside sources of information/inspiration. I take it you're still at school, so look around your subjects and see what there is to see. English is the more obvious thing to look at, so definitely take what you can from that, but any form of storytelling is useful for writing. Drama is a good case in point to cite.
Also, don't be afraid to look at other people's work. Don't copy, but see what they are and aren't doing well.
Your story has great premise and looks like it has lots of potential to make the most of it, but you just need to look at those things and it'll help a bit.

Keep on writing!

  • 12.22.2010 6:41 PM PDT


Posted by: Saint Jimmy42
To be honest, your storytelling could do with a bit more work. Show the audience what is happening in the story, rather than telling them outright about everything, because it keeps it interesting while still being descriptive. It might also benefit from some more outside sources of information/inspiration. I take it you're still at school, so look around your subjects and see what there is to see. English is the more obvious thing to look at, so definitely take what you can from that, but any form of storytelling is useful for writing. Drama is a good case in point to cite.
Also, don't be afraid to look at other people's work. Don't copy, but see what they are and aren't doing well.
Your story has great premise and looks like it has lots of potential to make the most of it, but you just need to look at those things and it'll help a bit.

Keep on writing!


you have good points and I am in school and I just got world lit. I am trying to make my writing better and with a new labtop it will become easier. I just finished chapter 6 and while its short it holds the key to the rest of the story.

  • 01.26.2011 5:26 PM PDT
Subject: Yipip:the fanfic A unggoy tale

-Gr33n Knight

My stories:

Streams of Fire

Jiralhanae

Posted by: Axe11154
actually dude this is how every one makes there story's. 1 little post is not that big and cant hold an intire story. sure we could put them all on page 1 but then it would practically be bumping.
Posted by: SOURODEEZ
please, it's so confusing. put all chapeters in one post,the first. dont have conversation inbetween
I think he means to try and put a table of contents in your first post, similar to the ones present in my story, or any of Wolverfrog's. If that isn't what he means, you should probably do it anyway. There is a lot of chatter on this topic, and it makes it difficult to find where you chapters are, especially since they are only one post long. I don't think that this is too short, everyone writes at their own pace, but when I see six chapters, my mind automatically pictures chapters that are as long as mine, or even as long as Wolverfrog's.

If you can't get Open Office to work (that's what I use), but you don't want to use WordPad because of the lack of spellcheck, I suggest typing on the internet, but, instead of posting it right away, copy it into WordPad and save it. You can repeat this process until you are finished with the chapter, and can make longer chapters this way.

I understand if you prefer to write short chapters, but longer chapters tend to draw the reader in to the story more. When they are too short, the reader has no time to truly get involved in the story, because, just as they begin to connect with a character or situation, the chapter ends. When the next chapter continues the story, the reader has already lost that connection. I try to make my chapters around six pages in an Open Office Document.

As for Wolverfrog's comments, I do not believe he means to insult you. While his words may be misunderstood in how they are meant to sound (written word can be misunderstood much easier than spoken word), I believe that he is really trying to help. While he has yet to comment on my story (sad face), I think his experience writing fiction on this forum makes any advice he gives invaluable to developing as a writer. While I think he may want to word things a bit more delicately, I'm sure he is only trying to help.

As for what ajw said: I have noticed some of the plugs that have been posted in other threads. While I want people to see and read my story, I try not to mention it too much. When I do, I try to make it a little subtle, simply stating the fact that I am working on a story, while working that into advice to the other writers. I use it as a means to show what experience I have (if it is even enough to call experience), to back suggestions I make. If any time my story was mentioned comes of as competitive, or striving for attention, I apologize, I am merely trying to get some feedback on how well (or poorly) I am doing. Axe, I suggest calming it down a bit. If you simply keep writing, and you do it because you enjoy it, people will begin to take notice. Wolverfrog has the fanbase that he has because he enjoys writing enough to do it for himself, and not for popularity. The real fans are the ones that found him, not the ones he found, and I suspect the same will be true for all of us who are just starting out, we just need to be patient.

Hope some of that helps.

  • 01.27.2011 1:52 PM PDT


Posted by: Gr33n Knight
Posted by: Axe11154
actually dude this is how every one makes there story's. 1 little post is not that big and cant hold an intire story. sure we could put them all on page 1 but then it would practically be bumping.
Posted by: SOURODEEZ
please, it's so confusing. put all chapeters in one post,the first. dont have conversation inbetween
I think he means to try and put a table of contents in your first post, similar to the ones present in my story, or any of Wolverfrog's. If that isn't what he means, you should probably do it anyway. There is a lot of chatter on this topic, and it makes it difficult to find where you chapters are, especially since they are only one post long. I don't think that this is too short, everyone writes at their own pace, but when I see six chapters, my mind automatically pictures chapters that are as long as mine, or even as long as Wolverfrog's.

If you can't get Open Office to work (that's what I use), but you don't want to use WordPad because of the lack of spellcheck, I suggest typing on the internet, but, instead of posting it right away, copy it into WordPad and save it. You can repeat this process until you are finished with the chapter, and can make longer chapters this way.

I understand if you prefer to write short chapters, but longer chapters tend to draw the reader in to the story more. When they are too short, the reader has no time to truly get involved in the story, because, just as they begin to connect with a character or situation, the chapter ends. When the next chapter continues the story, the reader has already lost that connection. I try to make my chapters around six pages in an Open Office Document.

As for Wolverfrog's comments, I do not believe he means to insult you. While his words may be misunderstood in how they are meant to sound (written word can be misunderstood much easier than spoken word), I believe that he is really trying to help. While he has yet to comment on my story (sad face), I think his experience writing fiction on this forum makes any advice he gives invaluable to developing as a writer. While I think he may want to word things a bit more delicately, I'm sure he is only trying to help.

As for what ajw said: I have noticed some of the plugs that have been posted in other threads. While I want people to see and read my story, I try not to mention it too much. When I do, I try to make it a little subtle, simply stating the fact that I am working on a story, while working that into advice to the other writers. I use it as a means to show what experience I have (if it is even enough to call experience), to back suggestions I make. If any time my story was mentioned comes of as competitive, or striving for attention, I apologize, I am merely trying to get some feedback on how well (or poorly) I am doing. Axe, I suggest calming it down a bit. If you simply keep writing, and you do it because you enjoy it, people will begin to take notice. Wolverfrog has the fanbase that he has because he enjoys writing enough to do it for himself, and not for popularity. The real fans are the ones that found him, not the ones he found, and I suspect the same will be true for all of us who are just starting out, we just need to be patient.

Hope some of that helps.


1.Oh. I feel stupid now hahaha. I guess sense its got some space I will. lol Im sorry I mis read

2. I actually got a laptop not to long ago and am going to start writing my stuff on that. While I can't send it here directly and I need a flash drive (because this sights log in is locked on my laptop) I can still post things that are longer better and privately

3.I mainly just wright short chapters because It takes me so long to get out of a writers block (im a idea maker not a writer lol but im starting to change over to writing as its great for stress)

4. it was my fault. I forgot to put up a not done mesage and when he said it was to short to even be worth reading I got mad because I thought he ment the entire story. It was my bad for miss reading and take full blame

5. When I was making the blue dwarf I thought it worked just like ideas. Needs support to grow and sadly because of that I bumped so many times my hard work was banned. I now know a story doesn't work the same way. I now write for my self really. I write to improve and to be a better person. That's why Yipip became real. That's why its here and why I will write it till I finish.

Indeed talking to some one is better then just talking to your self. Im glad you commented and hope you enjoy these forums as much as I.

  • 01.27.2011 3:01 PM PDT

POMC S117 Owns owns

That is very good. Although I do have to agree with one point. Sorry. It is a bit to short to be truly culptivating. Don't get me wrong. It is amazing. I love the concept, plot, style of writing and just the atmosphere. However, it is just too short. Other than that it is amazing.

Two stars:

* Good Plot
* Fleshy Characters

Wish:

! A bit short

9/10

Keep it up Axe!

  • 02.11.2011 10:16 AM PDT
Subject: [Fanfic] Yipip - An unggoy tale - Chapter 6 done

Games I like:,
Half-Minute Hero
MBU
Portal
Halo 3 is the best Halo ever
Maps I like: Turf, Avalanche, Pylon, Sandbox, Breakpoint and many more.


Posted by: Axe11154
Chapter 1
Days of old are gone for a day

Days were beautiful, Days were blue and icy. No need for these heavy tin cans on are backs or these ignorant gas mask to help us breath. Every day looking out a window into darkness, never seeing a blue sky long enuf to enjoy before its destroyed by the heavens beam. I have seen much death and yet no beauty, unlike these, these, these honor addicted Sangheili and the disgusting Jiralhanae. The only ones who seem to under stand my thoughts are my fellow Unggoy and the Huragok. I miss the Huragok as on this ship we have none and as I recall only 1 corvette that came with us actually had one, or was it more than one corvette that did. My age is indeed creeping on me in these latent years if I cant seem to remember what ships have what.

*Yawn*

"Yipip, What is it you seem more bored then usual" Riz said sounding more sleepy then I did, but he said it so cheerfully that no one but I would probaly be able to tell.

"I know Riz'Comee, I mean sir, I mean great General" I soon blurted in fear that some one may be behind a corner lessening.

"Hahaha, My friend, you dont half to say my full name or call me by those ridiculous words others call respect"

"Sorry Riz but I am only a simple Unggoy and you a mighty Sangheili General"

"Yipip, Please stop this nonsense. You and I have been together sense we were both minor's now look at us. Me a General and you a Deacon" His voice said frowning on my wrinkled head.

I looked at my friend who was the only one Sangheili I trusted and liked more then any one I have ever met. I had shed a tear but quickly rubbed it off hopping he wouldn't notice.

"Now what is it. Your to old to start crying over my words"

"I may be old but my heart is young and in pain. War has torn it from my chest several times only to put it back in and rip it back out as if playing a game a gimber ball from my home planet"



He simply looked at me then, looked out the window of are Corvette and down on the planet the humans called Reach.
A beautiful name for such a rock torn planet.

"Your are right my friend but we have been threw much and have always stuck threw it. We may be just 2 friends in a war that none will live from but we are brothers whos souls will smite all in are way.
Well its time for my leave now. The bridge must be wondering were I am
"

Once he left for the bridge I left for my room. It was small and I shared it with one of my guards, Zipyip. A simple Unggoy Ultra. He and his clutch unlike me was not lucky enuf to be born on Balaho. He was one of the sad large amount of my kind to be born as live stock for war. He was lucky how ever I chose his clutch of eggs to be my guard. He and his clutch quickly showed me that my choice was right as they all became high ranked Unggoy.
I raised them as my own and they repaid me many times by protecting my life. They were a clutch of 10 eggs only 5 of them are still alive. They stayed my guard even tho they could have all become leaders of there own squads. They are loyal to me and I to them.

As soon as I entered the room he jumped out of bed and put a book under his pillow (One of the many privileges of being a Deacons Guard to be allowed a simple pillow unlike other Unggoy).

"Sir" The ultra shuttered as if I would cut his throat if he didn't show respect.

"You dont half to be formal with me, a simple deacon"

"Yes sir"

Dear prophets, when will he hear what I say.

"So, you were reading one of my book's again weren't you. you know if some one besides me finds out you have been reading them you could be put to death"

Poor lad. I cant blame him for wanting to read a human book. I my self love many and being a Deacon am aloud to collect them to "study" them. I however dont like it when Zipip takes them with out my permission fore he is a ultra, and reading them could get him killed and me to for letting him. But I dont worry he is very good at keeping things hidden.

"So. What were you reading this time"

"The hobbit sir. Its a good book and it be a shame to let it just sit there on your shelf"

I agreed with him on that. It was hard to get too. From what I understand, its a book that was made around 200 years ago or more and even for humans it is rare. I however got lucky and found it in a crate on a planet called Harvest.

"Fine but put it back when your done"

He simply nodded and opened the book to read. I then went to my shelf in hopes of reading my favorite book called "The Man in the Iron Mask". I find it odd how a brother can grow so jealous of his long lost brother just because he is a king.
Wait where is it.

"Zipip, Where is my book "The man in the Iron Mask""

"Oh a General came in and said it was ok if he borrowed it"

Riz. Always coming in while im gone and taking my books. He needs to learn to ask before he takes.

Then a large bang came out of no where and a call quickly came on my radio.

"Yip were under attack. Go to the drop pods for evac"

I tried to reply but the connection quickly was lost. I couldn't tell because of the static but it sounded like Riz. I hope hes ok.

"Come sir we must leave. I will rally my troop and we will leave"

So soon we ran with Zips troops behind. 2 Heavy and 2 Special Operations. I did'nt understand what was going on but I knew it wasn't good. We ran down hallway after hallway in tell we made it to the drop pods. They were all there, not one had yet been taken.

Once we entered it dropped. Down we went fast with out a thing to stop us. It felt like hours even tho it had only been a minute.

BANG

We hit the ground hard, but in a safe zone with out a human in sight. We were alive for now.

Changed the board near the beggong to bored... Thats the proper way os saying it

  • 02.12.2011 1:33 AM PDT
Subject: Yipip:the fanfic A unggoy tale

Games I like:,
Half-Minute Hero
MBU
Portal
Halo 3 is the best Halo ever
Maps I like: Turf, Avalanche, Pylon, Sandbox, Breakpoint and many more.


Posted by: Axe11154
Chapter 2
We have landed

"Zipip is every one ok"

"Yes sir"

"What previsions do we have"

"2 of your books, 1 pound of Zap-Jelly, and 4 pounds of Thorn Beasts"

"Weapons"

"4 plasma pistols all half or lower filled with plasma, and 1 Fuel Rod Gun with 1 blast"

I nodded at Zipip. When suddenly one of the grunt heavy's stepped out of are drop pod and looked into the sky. He looked like he was scared. Soon we all ran out to join him and to see what was happening. A large glowing circle had appeared inside the Long Night of Solace. Then we saw it came closer and closer to the ground and saw it crash.
We were all shocked by this. No not shocked. Destroyed.

We had many friends on that ship and were to sad to notice that more Super-carrier's had entered the the area. A entire fleet had come to attack the planet.

I had shed a tear but quickly rubbed it off.

"Come we must look for a radio to contact them. Time we left this rock and went home"

They nodded and we soon started are quest to find a human city to find a communication devise through this icy tundra that reminded me so much of my home world.


************************************************************* **

As I limped through the icy tundra of this planet leaving the ship I had tried to save, I travailed on in hopes of finding my friend Yipip. I hope he left safely with out trouble from those 2 demons. I my self escaped right when the ship had docked into Long Night of Solace. I left with 2 minors. One died when we crashed the other is just behind me with a broken arm. They were twins from what I could tell and this death must have been heavy on him.

"General, Shouldn't we go to the ship and check for survivors"

"You may but note you will ether die trying to search the ship while it son fire or by the cold weather"

He gulped. He was indeed a simple minor and one of the weakest Iv'e met. He how ever was my only help right now and I did'nt even know his name. I sould ask his name but names make you grow to attached, This makes you weak. Oh what am I talking about Im to old to be cold like this.

"Sir. Iv been meaning to ask you. You are very old. Why are you still in this war"

"I may be old and brittle but im NOT DEAD YET. AM I"

"No sir but I"

"But what. You think a old person like me cant fight. I have been fighting and winning battles sense before you were born "

He then looked down and I could tell he was about to cry. So weak but I could understand. Loosing a brother, fighting in a war you dont understand. He may be weak but he was the most True of my species Iv ever met.

Changed a few errors again :)

  • 02.12.2011 1:35 AM PDT

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