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  • Subject: OMG, THIS IS GREAT
Subject: OMG, THIS IS GREAT
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Who like's history? Here's some of France's:
(I got this from albinoblacksheep.com. BTW mods, I'm not trying to start a political discussion, I'm just going over history.)

The Complete Military History of France

(***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. Though you may critisize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice.)

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."



[Edited on 8/16/2004 3:02:27 PM]

  • 08.15.2004 4:56 PM PDT
Subject: Who likes history?
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hahaha funny.

  • 08.15.2004 5:10 PM PDT

Me: "OMFG, Dude... wtf!"
AbolitionofMan: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to betray you."
Me: "That's the 4th time in this game alone!"
Chris: "Third, besides he had the flag I was trying to stop him, how was I supposed to know you were there."
Me: "I said, 'I got the Flag, don't shoot.'"
Chris: "Well those Wraith shots take a while to reach you."
Me: "You were right next to me, I had killed him and a minute passed before you decided to shoot."
Chris: "Hahahahaha, yeah... that was great."

Yeah this was passed around the armed services when it first appeared like two years ago. I remember being in formation and my platoon seargent saying he had a few 'notes' to tell us about. He took out that paper and read it to us. At the time it had never occured to me how true it is... man we had a good laugh. One of our squad leaders fell over in laughter. The only difference is the one I remember was more detailed and did not have the litte jokes in them. It was just straight up history, hence what made it so funny.

Achilles

[Edited on 8/15/2004 6:01:23 PM]

  • 08.15.2004 5:59 PM PDT
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I like history. Mainly midevel, I suck at my US history.

  • 08.15.2004 7:09 PM PDT
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I love WWII history...there's just so much of it!

  • 08.15.2004 10:49 PM PDT

Me: "OMFG, Dude... wtf!"
AbolitionofMan: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to betray you."
Me: "That's the 4th time in this game alone!"
Chris: "Third, besides he had the flag I was trying to stop him, how was I supposed to know you were there."
Me: "I said, 'I got the Flag, don't shoot.'"
Chris: "Well those Wraith shots take a while to reach you."
Me: "You were right next to me, I had killed him and a minute passed before you decided to shoot."
Chris: "Hahahahaha, yeah... that was great."

Posted by: Casey
I love WWII history...there's just so much of it!


That's because it's the most recent global conflict and there are those who still beleive in the different ideologies, so you can get all sorts of different points of view.

Achilles

  • 08.15.2004 10:51 PM PDT

Me: "OMFG, Dude... wtf!"
AbolitionofMan: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to betray you."
Me: "That's the 4th time in this game alone!"
Chris: "Third, besides he had the flag I was trying to stop him, how was I supposed to know you were there."
Me: "I said, 'I got the Flag, don't shoot.'"
Chris: "Well those Wraith shots take a while to reach you."
Me: "You were right next to me, I had killed him and a minute passed before you decided to shoot."
Chris: "Hahahahaha, yeah... that was great."

Posted by: The Elite_elite
I like history. Mainly midevel, I suck at my US history.


It's spelled "Medieval".

Achilles

  • 08.15.2004 10:54 PM PDT
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I love all History!

But mostly WWII, and the futuristic history in Halo. : )

~Peace!~

  • 08.16.2004 12:54 AM PDT
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Its modern Russian history for me. I have knowledge of the history of the past 100 years (I studied modern history) but I have a paticular interest in modern Russian history.

  • 08.16.2004 1:13 AM PDT
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the french also fought Vietnam a few years before the US did,didn't they? or was that someone eles?

  • 08.16.2004 1:57 AM PDT
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Yes the french were fighting in Vietnam. There were US soldiers fighting also, but they were fighting unofficially.

  • 08.16.2004 2:53 AM PDT
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Just remember that even though Lithuainia is a small and completely insignificant country nowadays, it used to own the world.

  • 08.16.2004 5:02 AM PDT
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Post snipped by moderator.

[Edited on 8/16/2004 3:54:16 PM by Shishka]

  • 08.16.2004 9:38 AM PDT
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I like learning about the history of Rome.

Anyway for some reason this reminded me of that stupid Old Navy Commercial. The one where that girl gets all excited in history class. I saw it the morning while i was still half asleep. It scare the crap outta me, i didn't relize the T.V. was that loud.

Man i dont wanna got back to school next week. I wish i had history classes, but it nothing but business classes for me. Ah damn it.

  • 08.16.2004 9:48 AM PDT
Subject: Who likes history??
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I think we're all getting away from what the real subject was, the utter lack of any military might put forth by the French.

[Edited on 8/16/2004 3:04:05 PM]

  • 08.16.2004 3:03 PM PDT
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Post snipped by moderator.

[Edited on 8/16/2004 3:54:48 PM by Shishka]

  • 08.16.2004 3:39 PM PDT

Five Tenets of Bungie.net Forum Life:
1. Trolls will always be well fed.
2. Blame-ability thy name is stosh.
3. Bungie has no control over retail prices.
4. Watch out for low-flying defense drones.
5. Seven is not optional, but rather, an inevitability.

Ah the French... I remember many a time when social studies class was wasted bashing the French. Good times, good times...

  • 08.16.2004 3:42 PM PDT
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I have one problem with this it is WW I it simply states that it was the US that saved france while in WW I the US joined in 1916 it had been going on for 2 years already. they also had the smallest force there the british/french/ and canadians all had more troops.

[Edited on 8/16/2004 3:48:33 PM]

  • 08.16.2004 3:45 PM PDT