The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: [Novel]The First Age of Retribution(Chapter 1 Complete)
  • Subject: [Novel]The First Age of Retribution(Chapter 1 Complete)
Subject: [Novel]The First Age of Retribution(Chapter 1 Complete)

How'd you find me?

Now I know I promised I'd finish Dropping Into Hell and start on my Finn fic, and I haven't forgotten about Forerunner, but I really wanted to write from a Covenant perspective, and Shar the Sanghelli was locked, I decided to write this. By the way this shiz is pure epic (lies!).

Table Of Contents:
1. A New Dawn

1. A New Dawn

"The blade is an extension of your own body. It is an appendage, not independent, but connected to all others. You must have strength when you use the blade. You must have balance. And you must have peace."

After reciting the oath, as he did every day, Urs picked up the heavy hilt of his energy sword. With his four digits, he stroked the hilt's lines and runes, noting the intricacy of the weapon. It was superior to any blade ever crafted by a Sanghelli. No, he thought, magnetically attaching the weapon to his belt, it is perfect.

Urs turned and inspected the dark purple room he used to house his equipment. In one corner stood the armor rack, now bare; on the left wall was a case filled with various weapons he had obtained over his short but respectable military career. He would need to look his finest that day, and would require only the energy sword as a sign of status and in case he needed to defend himself. He looked down at his heavy black armor and realized, after that day, he would never wear it again. Still, he had to look his finest at the ceremony, and what commanded more respect than the full military garb of a Special Operations Officer?

As he walked towards the door, he took one last glance around the room. He knew that in the same way he would never wear his Special Operations armor ever again, he would never return to his home. Sighing, he walked away from the door and locked it behind him.

*****

Thel 'Vadam and Rtas 'Vadum stood in front of Urs on a large floating platform. Surrounding them were throngs of other Sanghelli, the crowds sitting in dark purple stands built in a circle around the platform. Energy bridges linked the stands and the platform to give unrestricted movement throughout the vast room.

Urs looked up at the two jaded warriors. Though they were at the most only a few units taller than he they looked like giants towering over him. In a way, they were. They had helped to save the galaxy while Urs had steel been in basic training. Even now, they lead the hunt for the brutes, planning out battles on galactic scales while cooperating with the humans. How they tolerated the weak inhabitants of Earth, he had no idea.

"Urs 'Morvadumai," Rtas rumbled, an amplifier making his voice ten times louder, "have you brought your blade as proof of your skill and status?"

"Yes, Fleet Master," Urs replied, bowing down on one knee. Igniting his plasma blade, he placed the flat side against his palms and raised it for all to see. Urs was Rtas' third cousin, and he had met him on multiple occasions during and after the war.

"Thel 'Vadam, do you vouch for the boy's skill and willingly allow him to take up your mantle and hold it until such a time as he chooses to relinquish it?" Rtas turned to his long time friend and locked eyes with him. Though words were not exchanged, Urs knew that they were talking about him.

"Indeed I do, Shipmaster," Thel replied, bowing his head and nodding.

"So it shall be." Rtas turned to Urs. "Put down your blade, boy, and rise, as The Arbiter!" Urs obeyed and Rtas lifted his arm into the air. The crowd exploded in a loud chant: "Urs Morvadumai! Urs Morvadumai! Arbiter! Arbiter!"

*****

After the ceremony, Urs was brought to the new Special Operations head quarters. Rtas had accompanied him, but Thel could not as he was now officially the Kaidon of Vadam province and had business to attend to. As the phantom they were flying approached the building, Urs could have sworn he saw pelicans and falcons coming to and leaving from the building. Could they really be letting humans enter one of the most important buildings on the planet?

As their phantom entered the hangar and began to land, Rtas nudged Urs with his shoulder,

"Yes, Fleet Master?" Standing next to him there, Urs realized that Rtas was shorter than he. It had been the platforms unsmooth surface that had created that illusion.

"You are the new Arbiter," the aging Fleet Master said, scowling at him, as if deciding whether or not to assist him or turn on him as soon as they exited the phantom. "That title has new weight in this bold age. It is both more and less of what it once was. You must tread carefully, or you run the risk of stepping on the wrong feet."

"Anything else, Fleet Master?" Urs stared Rtas dead in the eyes, trying not to look away from his hard scowl.

"Yes. Do nothing I or Thel would not do." At that moment, the phantom landed, and they exited through the side.

[Edited on 11.04.2010 12:01 PM PDT]

  • 11.04.2010 7:37 AM PDT
Subject: The Nineteenth Arbiter(Chapter 1 is out!)
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Posted by: chotato
smart, interesting, seems out of place.


Official fan of Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty, (Problem with that?) Halo, and Bungie, also a total gaming junkie.

Crap! I was going to use an Arbiter. Oh well I will just have to anyway. Nice by the way

[Edited on 11.04.2010 8:59 AM PDT]

  • 11.04.2010 8:58 AM PDT

How'd you find me?

Hey, don't worry about it. Another writer I admire(rhymes!) used a new Arbiter in one of their stories. You're not ripping someone off if you're using the same characters or ideas from cannon; they're two separate stories with two separate plots. Besides, Wolverfrog has already used every character there is, so there's that too :)

  • 11.04.2010 9:22 AM PDT
Subject: [Novel]The First Age of Retribution(Chapter 1 Complete)

I think your description can sometimes be a little bit weak. You tend to state things rather than tell them. It's hard to explain. For example, "Thel 'Vadam and Rtas 'Vadum stood in front of Urs on a large floating platform," is a little dull, don't you think?

You could also do with setting the scene better, with a larger sense of scale. You can't just describe a room or an area of a room; you need to convey to the reader the entire environment.

I quite like the story you have, specifically with the Arbiter being a rank of celebration and honour rather than a mark of shame and heresy.

Keep it up.

  • 11.04.2010 1:01 PM PDT

How'd you find me?


Posted by: Wolverfrog
I think your description can sometimes be a little bit weak. You tend to state things rather than tell them. It's hard to explain. For example, "Thel 'Vadam and Rtas 'Vadum stood in front of Urs on a large floating platform," is a little dull, don't you think?

You could also do with setting the scene better, with a larger sense of scale. You can't just describe a room or an area of a room; you need to convey to the reader the entire environment.

I quite like the story you have, specifically with the Arbiter being a rank of celebration and honour rather than a mark of shame and heresy.

Keep it up.


Yes, I notice that about my writing too. I've never been good with description and my sense of scale has always been skewered, along with my depth perception (I think the former has to do with me watching so much Transformers as a kid, their size changes with the wind direction). I think it would make sense to have it changed to a position of honor like how it was before the prophets perverted it.

And "keep it up?" You just told me to change some things. Make up your mind!

  • 11.04.2010 3:06 PM PDT

Posted by: kingwrench
And "keep it up?" You just told me to change some things. Make up your mind!


As in "keep the story up."

:P

  • 11.04.2010 4:48 PM PDT