- Sergeant Murph
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- Noble Legendary Member
*This comment has NOT been formatted to fit your view screen, and, by the time I'm done, will probably have devolved into a sloppy mess of praise with a hint of nostalgia*
I'd been meaning to read this for a while, and I just sat down for a few minutest to give it a full read on FF.net...
Wow!
In addition to being written in a style that was truly beautiful, the entire piece just gave off a satisfying sense of mystery, intwined with underlying themes. (Greed being the most prominent--it was evident that the Overseer meant well, but his own lust for [Knowledge? Fortune? Power?] superseded his ability to make choices in, as Seth would put it, 'humanity's best interest'.)
That brings me to characters--for a short story, I think you did a damn good job of bringing to life your cast of characters. I particularly took a liking to The Overseer and Sara (the former because he was mysterious, cunning and a total -blam!-; the latter because that was a great use of a very undeveloped secondary character from Reach)
The only thing that confused me was your use of internal thinking that sort of switched from character to character. At first it seems as if the internal thinking is only of The Overseer, but there were a few instances in which it switched to Seth, and I believe once the Librarian.
Not that it matters--in fact, it might have been intentional. Just stuck out at me :)
I truthfully enjoyed this story from beginning to end, and I think you chose a good stage to leave off on for now. Are you planning on doing a sequel as well?
And, while I'm here, may I just say that it's truly been a pleasure to read your stories for the last two (going on three!) years. You've improved 1000-fold in that span of time, since Shackles of Blasphemy so long ago, and achieved a level that I don't know if I'll ever reach. Nevertheless, I encourage you to KEEP WRITING--all of you, Ajw, Mr. Evil, Wolverfrog, Max, everyone else...you are all incredibly gifted, and if it's what you want, I have no doubt that any of you can become a published writer one day. Although I have long since realized I'm bad at keeping promises (The number of times I've told you I'd 'read up' and not committed is unacceptable), I truly love reading your work.
See you all around the forums, Mirratord, FFF (maybe)
~Murph
P.S The ending made me think of the end of this cutscene. Not sure why though...
:D