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- Fabled Mythic Member
Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.
Math Destruction
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual was arrested when he
tried to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, US Attorney General John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is
being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths
instruction.
"Al-gebra is an odd cult whose leader is believed to be a cosine of
Osama Bin Laden," Ashcroft said. "There are several divisions and they
are prepared to use a wide variety of means to achieve solutions.
The members sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.
In addition, they use secret code names such as "x" and "y" and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we are positive that they belong to a
common denominator known as the "Axis of Even", with coordinates in many
countries.
"As the Greek natural philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three
sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said: "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes.
"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from those who are willing to disintegrate us
with calculus disregard.
Under the circumferences, and factoring in all the variables, we must
stand united and draw the line, cos divided we fall."
President Bush also warned: "These weapons of maths instruction have the
potential to decimal our society on a scalene never before seen, unless
we become exponents of a Higher Power and rid the world of this entirely
negative organisation."
The President concluded: "Read my ellipse. Here is one principle we are
not uncertainty of--though they continue to multiply, we are
circling in ever closer, and their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks."
[Edited on 8/23/2004 8:44:31 PM]