- Mabian
- |
- Exalted Mythic Member
- gamertag: Mabian
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"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."
I have a rather long one. I was hoping to wait until Newnab looked it over, but I'll just go ahead and put it here.
Just remember, it's long:
The year is…let’s make it 2006. The Septagon lies in ruins. Apparently someone decided to announce Halo 3. The Underground erupts, and somehow nuclear weapons got involved.
The Septagon lies in a state that is somewhat ruined. A few survivors sit around a campfire.
Nab: Why is it so cold? It’s July!
GTMD: It’s a nuclear winter.
Nab: But why is it cold? That doesn’t explain anything.
TGP: Because otherwise we would seem really odd sitting around a campfire.
Nab: Couldn’t we just write that out?
GTMD: No, we’re too far in the story. Just live with it.
A figure walks into the circle.
Mabian: My friends, I bring food. Mabian drops the deer corpse on his shoulder All you have to do is gut it, skin it, clean it, and cook it.
Motel: Is that a goat!?
Mabian: Are you just going to be the same joke this entire skit?
Motel: Yeah.
Nab: Why do we have to do all of that?
Mabian: Because I was the one out in that blizzard hunting that deer with nothing but my bare hands.
TGP: Now even I don’t understand why there is a blizzard out there, but we only have a little snow here. The weather turns harsh quickly.
GTMD: See what happens when you ask questions!
Motel: I wish I had a goat.
Mabian: Why do we keep you here anyways?
Motel: Comic relief. Without me your skit would be boring, and completely devoid of goats.
TGP: I could sure go for a goat right now.
Nab: To hug?
TGP: No, to eat. I’m starving.
Mabian: *Ahem* I did just put a deer on the ground.
Nab: Is it just me, or is this conversation a bit long?
Motel: Yeah! I thought there was supposed to be something about goats rampaging about.
Mabian: Look, I’m writing this story. Do you want out of it?
Motel: Are there going to be any goats in it?
Mabian: Not if you keep up that behavior.
Out of nowhere comes the sound of heavy footsteps.
Nab: Wait, how can we hear footsteps over the wind?
Mabian: Remember what happened when TGP asked about the blizzard?
Nab: Yeah.
Mabian: Do you want to keep questioning things?
Nab: It’s my nature.
Mabian: Fair enough.
Out of nowhere leap a hundred mad Halo 3 fans.
TGP: Why are they…
Mabian: Not now. Can’t you blacklist them?
TGP: They haven’t broken the rules yet.
One of the fans takes a swing at TGP.
GTMD: Is there a rule against trying to hit a moderator?
TGP: There is now. Unleash teh Ninjazorz!!!
The fans disappear.
Motel: How come you couldn’t of had a goat get rid of them all?
Mabian: I swear…one more question about goats…
TGP: Come on! They’ll be back soon!
Mabian: Should we bring the deer?
Motel:
Mabian: No, you don’t even get a line. Maybe later, if you are good.
The group runs into a building. Luckily, no one has questioned why the Septagon resembles a fallen city.
TGP: Why are they mad?
Nab: The Halo 3 announcement.
GTMD: Some fool decided that he would announce Halo 3 to the public. Everyone in the Underground went mad. Apparently someone had a few nuclear bombs, and before you know it, we are stuck in a nuclear winter.
TGP: I know that. I was assuming that “mad” means “crazy.”
Mabian: Well, they attacked us.
TGP: Good point.
Motel: I sure can’t wait until they announce the coming of the Great Goat.
Nab: So what do we do now?
GTMD: We have as much of a chance of surviving as we do of the Great Goat showing up.
Mabian: Hmmmm…
Nab: Do you have an idea?
Mabian: I’m thinking. I know how we can save the Septagon.
Motel: Again?
Mabian: Again. I have to sit here and pretend I am thinking though.
TGP: Why?
Mabian: To increase the dramatic tension, and to allow for an amazing entrance for the solution.
Motel: Uhhhh…
Mabian: *Sigh* So that it is cooler when I do it.
Motel: Oh. I see. So, what do we do?
Mabian: Keep those crazy guys away from me. Let a few get close so that there can be a gasp moment.
GTMD: A gasp moment?
Nab: Whatever. So, I guess we will keep those fans away. What with?
TGP: I’ve got my “Unleash Ninjas” button.
Motel: I could use my old issue of “Goats Ranchers Monthly.”
GTMD: Here, we can use some straw.
Nab: Straw?
GTMD: Let’s just get this story over with. I’m cold.
Mabian: Why not put on those parkas in the corner?
GTMD: Did you just write those in?
Mabian: I have to do something nice.
Suddenly the door breaks open, and Halo 3 fans rush into the room.
TGP: You enjoy watching us suffer, don’t you?
Mabian: Yeah.
TGP: Unleash Ninjas. Come on!
Motel: In the name of the Goat! Whacks several fans on the head.
GTMD: Uhhh…we’ll hang back here and protect Mabian.
TGP: Whatever. Unleash Ninjas. I’ll teach you to spam.
Several fans break through.
GTMD: That was quick.
Nab: Not much of a battle.
Mabian: Do you guys want to fight them all?
Nab: At least it would be fun.
Mabian: Wish granted.
Nab is transported to an open area, surrounded by thousands of Halo 3 fans.
Nab: Okay, okay! I’m sorry!
Nab is transported back to the room.
Mabian: How about you?
GTMD: I’m fine with this.
The fans run straight at Nab and GTMD. The thin bits of straw stab right through the light deprived flesh of the fans.
Nab: Dubble yoo tee eff.
Mabian: Did you honestly think I would let myself get killed? Anyways, I’m done. Time to bring about the resolution.
Bells are heard from outside. A rainbow colored goat trots into the room, pulling a sled with Frankie, Recon, Achronos.
Mabian: Happy Decemberween Motel.
Motel: Thanks Mabian.
TGP: Why are they here?
GTMD: I’m wondering as well.
Mabian: How about you let them tell you.
Recon: Crazed fans! We have an announcement. Take it Achronos.
Achronos places a yellow Septagon over the sled. All of the fans look to it in awe, and pay full attention.
Recon: Your turn Frankie. Recon smacks Frankie in the back of the head.
Frankie: Uhh…Yeeeaah…All of that Halo 3 talk…It was a typo. I meant to put “Halo 2,” but instead accidentally put “Halo 3.” I thought people would catch on and tell me I messed up. I didn’t expect the Underground to blow up.
The fans, hearing this, head back to the Underground and start posting again.
Nab: Uhhh…what are we going to do about the Septagon?
Goat: I’ll rebuild it. Just close your eyes, then open them again when I say so.
Mabian: You too Motel.
Motel: AWWWWW…Come on.
TGP: Close ‘em or I’ll blacklist you.
Everyone closes their eyes, and when they are reopened, the Septagon is back to normal.
GTMD: You just wanted this to have a nice, short ending, didn’t you?
Mabian: I don’t do endings very well. Unless you want me to write an awesome action skit. I’ll put so much tension in that you couldn’t put an elephant on it.
Frankie: That doesn’t make sense.
Mabian: I told you I wasn’t good with endings. Can I end this now?
TGP: May as well.
Mabian: Good.
The end
[Edited on 12/19/2005]