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Subject: Septagon revival: Skits
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  • Elder Legendary Member

The ACME mass hypnosis machine I invested in was great. And for only $5! ; )

Anyway, doesnt anyone else have any skits to share? =(

  • 12.19.2005 3:57 PM PDT
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"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

I could create some, sure. I'm sure there are most certainly others who would join in.

The question is: Do we really want to?

  • 12.19.2005 4:41 PM PDT

Awesome skits. MORE!!! GIMME GIMME!!

FINE NEWNAB!! SKIT: (IRC)
people: talking yadah yadah
senor: <_<
people: yadah..
senor: <_<
maria: senor you are banned from <_<ing. It's annoying.
senor: >_>
KP: Now your banned from IRC!!
senor: (bant)
senor: (email) Im very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very sorry, KP. I wont do it again.
KP: ...
KP: (unbant senor)

HAPPY?!


[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 4:44 PM PDT
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Only the paranoid will survive!

I would contribute, but my skits would pale in comparison. I'll give you a taste of an IRC skit-

Pimp-at-Home: lets ski!
Pimp-at-Home skis.
Lt_Devon: Pimp, stfu
Psyched: yeh.
You were booted by Psyched: No spamming teh channel!

Needless to say, it wouldn't be very exciting.

[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 4:47 PM PDT
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  • Exalted Mythic Member
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"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

I could most likely come up with a skit, fairly quickly. Though making it out of thin air is a different story. I need to know who should be the characters, and the plot. After that, I could do well, and I can try my best to match Newnab's humor.

  • 12.19.2005 4:51 PM PDT
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  • Elder Legendary Member

Ok. I'll give you a plot. As for characters, just go into MOAP chat at any time and do eenie meenie miney mo of who is online. ;)

Your plot could be: Charting the efforts of Septagonians as they try to survive a nuclear holocaust caused by the announcement of Halo 3 in the Underground. Possible plot twists could include Halo 3 wasnt really announced, it was an April fools thing... Or people could become nuclear mutants. I prefer the latter.

Im often available on MOAP chat or Nabs Greatnes chat for any skit writing help! =)

  • 12.19.2005 4:57 PM PDT

"It's like a cake filled with pies." -Pete "Mango" Parsons

Seventh Column Contests

Pretty funny. You have proved me wrong Newnab.

  • 12.19.2005 4:58 PM PDT

Newnab (satan's master): WRITE SKITS PEOPLE!!
People: Um, were not good enough.
Newnab: THOU SHALL WRITITH SKITZORZ OR THOU SHALL DIE-ETH!!
People: Ok, ok.
Purple people eater: Ow! My pyloric sphincter!
Newnab: SKIT OR DIE.
PPE: But, my pyloric sphincter!
Newnab: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BUTT??!? THOU SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF MY WRATH!!!
PPE: um, did that make sense?
*PPE turns into pyramid*
Kritz: Haha! You're a pyramid!
Pyramid: stfu.
Pimp: I have no confidence in my skitting abilities, but Ill try.
Newnab: TRY NOT. DO, OR DO NOT. THE SKORCE IS STRONG WITH YOU.
Pimp: Shweet!
GTDM: I wanna be in the skit!!
senor: Ok. Fine.
*newnab fires shishka launcher*
Yoozel: Hey, is that a speeding Shishka coming toward me?
*Yoozel Shishplodes*
*GTDM commits sepukku*
senor: Double Kill!
*newnab wrathes everyone for procratinating on skits*
Newnab: HAHA!! GAME OVER BIATCH!!

  • 12.19.2005 5:14 PM PDT
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Only the paranoid will survive!

WARNING!
Read at your own risk!

* This skit is based on a true story! Only the names, events and locations have been changed.

Pimp-at-Home: Apparently we're supposed to revive the Septagon in this skit. I'm sure it must include some sort of humor- possible slapstick. Some action scenes, some comedic drama. Anyone have any suggestions?
lellowranger: why do we even need to write a skit?
Newnab[the_brutal]: Because! you just do! [insert threats, bribery, and blackmail here]
lellowranger: point well taken.
Newnab[the_punisher]: hell, I don't care what it's about. Write one about me telling you to write one for all I care! Just write one... or else!
Pimp-at-Home: I don't know. I just don't have the self-esteem to make a skit.
senor: Sure you do!
Ta_Tru7h: I dissed fawad gimme NAPPIEs
*Newnab proceeds to castrate Tru7h- followed by the use of many bananas and much screaming.*
Pimp-at-Home: I was beaten as a child.* I can't just expose my deepes...
*Bananas. And screaming. Lots of screaming.*
*10 minutes and several gunshots later*
Pimp-at-Home: Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat the more you toot!
lellowranger: Well Pimp, that's a great skit and all, but I thought it was supposed to be about reviving the septagon. And the ending was a bit dull. And it didn't have any noticible plot. And it was too short. And there were no guest appearances by Atilla the Hun or a nameless portuguese scientist, like you promised.
Pimp-at-Home: Beans, beans, the musical...**

*Pimp-at-Home was not really beaten as a child.
**Pimp-at-Home/Pimp at Sea cannot be held liable for any mental disorders caused by the recital or reading of this skit.

[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 5:16 PM PDT
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  • Elder Legendary Member

Impressive, Senor!

I like the inclusion of the purple people eater. Love that stuff. Haha. =)

Its certainely random enough. Has a hint of a story.

I like it. =)

  • 12.19.2005 5:18 PM PDT
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  • Elder Legendary Member

And you told me you couldnt write a skit, Pimp?

Short but sweet, and you played to your strengths. Love it. =)

  • 12.19.2005 5:19 PM PDT
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Only the paranoid will survive!

Posted by: Newnab
And you told me you couldnt write a skit, Pimp?

Short but sweet, and you played to your strengths. Love it. =)


I'm flattered. I've considered getting it published, but I realized people would riot if I didn't write new ones.

[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 5:24 PM PDT

Posted by: Newnab
Impressive, Senor!

I like the inclusion of the purple people eater. Love that stuff. Haha. =)

Its certainely random enough. Has a hint of a story.

I like it. =)


Thanks. *runs off skipping* *likes appreciation*

  • 12.19.2005 5:26 PM PDT
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  • Elder Legendary Member

Nab: The groceries stores will pay for this treachery...
Pimp at sea: It isn't THAT bad.. Its only the latest Robbie Williams CD.
Nab: The mans an ARSE! Should be me singing..
Senor: Well.. You could always auditition for one of those pop idol or American Idol things..
Nab: Y'know what? I think I will. And so will you.
Senor: What!? Why?
Nab: Because Im afraid of the dark.. *sobs*
Pimp: but its not dark at a-
Nab: You're coming and thats final.
Pimp: Yes master.
GTDM: I want to help!
Nab: Oh... But you have the most important job of all...
GTDM: REALLY?
Pimp: Yes. You get to stay here and guard this potted plant.
GTDM: Woooow.
Senor: Its difficult but we think you're up to it.

And so, Pimp, Senor and Nab set off on a perilous journey. Through snow, driving rain, and whatever else our weather machine could throw at them while they walked on a treadmill to give the effect of actual outdoor motion.

Nab: Face it. We're lost.
Pimp: We aren't lost. I know exactly where we are.
Senor: And where's that?
Pimp: Umm..... Holland?
Nab: By the shineyness of Frankie's bald noggin... What are we doing in Holland?
Senor: I could use some wooden clogs actually...
Nab: Hm. Now you mention it-
Pimp: Hey look! The auditions are being shown live this year!

*Pimp points to a TV which they all watch. It shows Simon Cowell screaming in horror as the purple goat commanded by screaming meerkats steps out.... - Wearing a thong.*

Cowell: I thought you were dead.
Goat: Us goats believe in reincarnation.
Simon: Ok ok.. What are you going to be singing?
Goat: Oh you'll see.

*the goat began to dance seductively and bleeting out*

Goat: I am a cheeky goat, do do do do do, cheeky goat! Touch my bum with your cattle prod baby! Oh yeah!

*back in the non TV world*

Nab: Son of a brick stole my routine!
Pimp: And MY thong!... I mean.. *coughs* Yeah. Lets go home.
Senor: Yup. That goat has won this anyway.

They all return to their home in the Septagon, where GTDM hasnt moved an inch (its been a month).
GTDM: Must. Guard. Plant. Oh. Hey guys how did it go?
Nab: We'd rather not talk about it. By the way, that isnt a potted plant. Thats a small green rat, stapled to a sandcastle.
GTDM: Are you sure...?
Nab: Yes. Yes I am. Didn't the movement and squealing give it away?
GTDM: Kinda I guess. Anyway. End the skit now before I look more dumb.
Nab: Deal.

The End.

  • 12.19.2005 5:37 PM PDT

YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 12.19.2005 5:41 PM PDT
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Only the paranoid will survive!

Posted by: Newnab
Nab: Oh... But you have the most important job of all...
GTDM: REALLY?
Pimp: Yes. You get to stay here and guard this potted plant.
GTDM: Woooow.
Senor: Its difficult but we think you're up to it.


Brilliant! Absolutely stunning! I liked the quoted section the best. And the bit about the clogs :P

  • 12.19.2005 5:44 PM PDT

Newnab: I hear of this place...
Pimp: Yes...?
Newnab: An evil place...
senor: Zanzibar?
Newnab: The location is unknown, but I have heard of it.
Pimp: and what happens at this evil place?
Newnab: The evilest evil thing to ever happen in the last 7 days!
senor: ZOMG 7!!!!
Newnab: Yes, quite.
Newnab: But back on subject, This Place Puts...Kittens...In.....BLENDERS!!!!
senor: That's not Taht bad.
Newnab: I'm not finished. The blenders....Their on....
Pimp: No!!
Newnab: Yes. Frapee!!!
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Darth Vader: Hey! That was my line!
Everyone: Oh, sorry.
Darth Vader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Everyone: Nice job.
DV: Thanks.
senor: Well, what are we going to do about this Place?
Newnab: Lets just say I know a guy. Who knows a guy. Who knows a guy.
Pimp: WHO WORKS FOR BUNGIE AND TOLD YOU ABOUT HALO 3?!?!?!?!
Newnab: No. And let me finish.
Newnab: Who knows a guy. Who knows a guy.
*7 hours later*
Newnab: who knows a guy.
senor: GASP!
Pimp: Um, Why'd you just say gasp?
senor: I dont know.
Newnab: Okay.
Newnab:He told me, that its in Zanzibar.
senor: I was right!
Newnab: Sort of.
Pimp: huh?
Newnab: It's in the old spam factory.
senor: Oh, so since that is right in the middle of all the forums, I was technically 1/12th right.
Newnab: Correct.
*loooong journey*
Newnab: Well, we're here.
Pimp: This place doesnt look dead at all....
senor: That's what scares me...


TO BE CONTINUED.

  • 12.19.2005 6:01 PM PDT
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  • Elder Legendary Member

Cliffhangers rock. Thanks for that Senor! I love it! Star Wars referances often go down well. =)

Looking forward to the next part!

Im off for a while, catch up with you later. =)

  • 12.19.2005 6:04 PM PDT
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Only the paranoid will survive!

GTDM: Kinda I guess. Anyway. End the skit now before I look more dumb.
Nab: Deal.
Pimp: *snickers* hehehe. we wont really end it- just put black marker over his eyes.
senor: *scribbles over GTDMs eyes with black marker.
GTDM: Phew! glad thats over. I really need a good mudbath. *GTDM climbs into cement mixer*
Newnab: should we help him?
Pimp: Yes. Will we? probably not.
Butane: Im a pompus know-it-all.
senor: Oh yeah? well what color underwear am I wearing?
Butane: you're not wearing underwear. Your wearing... well lets just leave it at not underwear.
senor: hes good.
Newnab: look at my muscles. They are so big that they need their own apartment.
Butane: its true. Hes not lying.
*everyone gazes in wonder*
senor: So Pimp, this skit is actually going to have a point, right? I mean, you lead off of Newnabs great skit- you cant just ramble on for a page or two. I want to cry and laugh and scream.
Newnab: I can't sleep.
Pimp: I never took you for an insomniac.
Newnab: Neither did I :(
Senor: Well we'll have to just go get you some sleeper pills then, now won't we!
Newnab: aren't those things habit form-
senor: Nonsense! addiction is only an urban legend made up by old housewives to keep their husbands not hungover for work.
Newnab: If you say so...
Pimp: Alright! Lets go!

*twenty minutes later*

Newnab: Cabbage! Potato! Roxanne! Flambouyent soyfish! Jello fabric!
senor: See! I told you brominated vegetable oil wouldn't work!
Pimp: I stand corrected.
Newnab: Urnal! Salami! Souflet! Greko! Chili! Roberto!
Atilla the Hun: Newnab! SHUT UP! I'm trying to sleep, god dammit!
Nameless Pourtaguese Scientist: Actually, Newnab is suffering from a rare case of chalkametholeneaphiliomia! It's a rare disease contracted by stapled mice. The one thing that can save him is-
*blowdart hits scientist in the nect*

To be Continued!

EDIT: God dammit! I need to write faster! He always beats me to my ideas! I didn't steal the ending from him. Seriously. =P

[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 6:05 PM PDT

Thanks nab. Im planning on waiting a little bit to finish it. It takes a lot of brain juice to skit. And I'm almost out. And I have a Finals tomorrow. Which sucks.
I love it pimp.
:D
PS
I did that on purpose.

[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 6:06 PM PDT

Noone else can skit? C'mon It's fun.

  • 12.19.2005 8:29 PM PDT
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"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

I have a rather long one. I was hoping to wait until Newnab looked it over, but I'll just go ahead and put it here.

Just remember, it's long:

The year is…let’s make it 2006. The Septagon lies in ruins. Apparently someone decided to announce Halo 3. The Underground erupts, and somehow nuclear weapons got involved.

The Septagon lies in a state that is somewhat ruined. A few survivors sit around a campfire.

Nab: Why is it so cold? It’s July!
GTMD: It’s a nuclear winter.
Nab: But why is it cold? That doesn’t explain anything.
TGP: Because otherwise we would seem really odd sitting around a campfire.
Nab: Couldn’t we just write that out?
GTMD: No, we’re too far in the story. Just live with it.

A figure walks into the circle.

Mabian: My friends, I bring food. Mabian drops the deer corpse on his shoulder All you have to do is gut it, skin it, clean it, and cook it.
Motel: Is that a goat!?
Mabian: Are you just going to be the same joke this entire skit?
Motel: Yeah.
Nab: Why do we have to do all of that?
Mabian: Because I was the one out in that blizzard hunting that deer with nothing but my bare hands.
TGP: Now even I don’t understand why there is a blizzard out there, but we only have a little snow here. The weather turns harsh quickly.
GTMD: See what happens when you ask questions!
Motel: I wish I had a goat.
Mabian: Why do we keep you here anyways?
Motel: Comic relief. Without me your skit would be boring, and completely devoid of goats.
TGP: I could sure go for a goat right now.
Nab: To hug?
TGP: No, to eat. I’m starving.
Mabian: *Ahem* I did just put a deer on the ground.
Nab: Is it just me, or is this conversation a bit long?
Motel: Yeah! I thought there was supposed to be something about goats rampaging about.
Mabian: Look, I’m writing this story. Do you want out of it?
Motel: Are there going to be any goats in it?
Mabian: Not if you keep up that behavior.

Out of nowhere comes the sound of heavy footsteps.

Nab: Wait, how can we hear footsteps over the wind?
Mabian: Remember what happened when TGP asked about the blizzard?
Nab: Yeah.
Mabian: Do you want to keep questioning things?
Nab: It’s my nature.
Mabian: Fair enough.

Out of nowhere leap a hundred mad Halo 3 fans.

TGP: Why are they…
Mabian: Not now. Can’t you blacklist them?
TGP: They haven’t broken the rules yet.
One of the fans takes a swing at TGP.
GTMD: Is there a rule against trying to hit a moderator?
TGP: There is now. Unleash teh Ninjazorz!!!
The fans disappear.
Motel: How come you couldn’t of had a goat get rid of them all?
Mabian: I swear…one more question about goats…
TGP: Come on! They’ll be back soon!
Mabian: Should we bring the deer?
Motel:
Mabian: No, you don’t even get a line. Maybe later, if you are good.

The group runs into a building. Luckily, no one has questioned why the Septagon resembles a fallen city.

TGP: Why are they mad?
Nab: The Halo 3 announcement.
GTMD: Some fool decided that he would announce Halo 3 to the public. Everyone in the Underground went mad. Apparently someone had a few nuclear bombs, and before you know it, we are stuck in a nuclear winter.
TGP: I know that. I was assuming that “mad” means “crazy.”
Mabian: Well, they attacked us.
TGP: Good point.
Motel: I sure can’t wait until they announce the coming of the Great Goat.
Nab: So what do we do now?
GTMD: We have as much of a chance of surviving as we do of the Great Goat showing up.
Mabian: Hmmmm…
Nab: Do you have an idea?
Mabian: I’m thinking. I know how we can save the Septagon.
Motel: Again?
Mabian: Again. I have to sit here and pretend I am thinking though.
TGP: Why?
Mabian: To increase the dramatic tension, and to allow for an amazing entrance for the solution.
Motel: Uhhhh…
Mabian: *Sigh* So that it is cooler when I do it.
Motel: Oh. I see. So, what do we do?
Mabian: Keep those crazy guys away from me. Let a few get close so that there can be a gasp moment.
GTMD: A gasp moment?
Nab: Whatever. So, I guess we will keep those fans away. What with?
TGP: I’ve got my “Unleash Ninjas” button.
Motel: I could use my old issue of “Goats Ranchers Monthly.”
GTMD: Here, we can use some straw.
Nab: Straw?
GTMD: Let’s just get this story over with. I’m cold.
Mabian: Why not put on those parkas in the corner?
GTMD: Did you just write those in?
Mabian: I have to do something nice.

Suddenly the door breaks open, and Halo 3 fans rush into the room.

TGP: You enjoy watching us suffer, don’t you?
Mabian: Yeah.
TGP: Unleash Ninjas. Come on!
Motel: In the name of the Goat! Whacks several fans on the head.
GTMD: Uhhh…we’ll hang back here and protect Mabian.
TGP: Whatever. Unleash Ninjas. I’ll teach you to spam.
Several fans break through.
GTMD: That was quick.
Nab: Not much of a battle.
Mabian: Do you guys want to fight them all?
Nab: At least it would be fun.
Mabian: Wish granted.

Nab is transported to an open area, surrounded by thousands of Halo 3 fans.

Nab: Okay, okay! I’m sorry!

Nab is transported back to the room.

Mabian: How about you?
GTMD: I’m fine with this.

The fans run straight at Nab and GTMD. The thin bits of straw stab right through the light deprived flesh of the fans.

Nab: Dubble yoo tee eff.
Mabian: Did you honestly think I would let myself get killed? Anyways, I’m done. Time to bring about the resolution.

Bells are heard from outside. A rainbow colored goat trots into the room, pulling a sled with Frankie, Recon, Achronos.

Mabian: Happy Decemberween Motel.
Motel: Thanks Mabian.
TGP: Why are they here?
GTMD: I’m wondering as well.
Mabian: How about you let them tell you.
Recon: Crazed fans! We have an announcement. Take it Achronos.

Achronos places a yellow Septagon over the sled. All of the fans look to it in awe, and pay full attention.

Recon: Your turn Frankie. Recon smacks Frankie in the back of the head.
Frankie: Uhh…Yeeeaah…All of that Halo 3 talk…It was a typo. I meant to put “Halo 2,” but instead accidentally put “Halo 3.” I thought people would catch on and tell me I messed up. I didn’t expect the Underground to blow up.

The fans, hearing this, head back to the Underground and start posting again.

Nab: Uhhh…what are we going to do about the Septagon?
Goat: I’ll rebuild it. Just close your eyes, then open them again when I say so.
Mabian: You too Motel.
Motel: AWWWWW…Come on.
TGP: Close ‘em or I’ll blacklist you.

Everyone closes their eyes, and when they are reopened, the Septagon is back to normal.

GTMD: You just wanted this to have a nice, short ending, didn’t you?
Mabian: I don’t do endings very well. Unless you want me to write an awesome action skit. I’ll put so much tension in that you couldn’t put an elephant on it.
Frankie: That doesn’t make sense.
Mabian: I told you I wasn’t good with endings. Can I end this now?
TGP: May as well.
Mabian: Good.

The end


[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 8:43 PM PDT
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Posted by: IrishGrimReaper
Who is/was Newnab?

The creator of the 'introduce yourself' thread, among other things.

I'm liking the skits, they have a certain (glances over at text markup tags) bold humor with them. I'd make one if I had the creative skills of a skitmaster.

  • 12.19.2005 9:38 PM PDT

No one thinks they can skit these days...
Pimp didnt think he could either, and look at his!
C'mon guys! Everyone has to write one!


thanks Mabian!I liked it! 'twas witty.

[Edited on 12/19/2005]

  • 12.19.2005 10:03 PM PDT
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"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

I did write one. Don't yell at me! It makes me uncomfortable.

  • 12.19.2005 10:14 PM PDT

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