- Mabian
- |
- Exalted Mythic Member
- gamertag: Mabian
- user homepage:
"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."
A ship, stranded near Zanzibar. Three members of Bungie.net, Nakki, Snowmanaxt, and Mabian, are left in the fiery forum of dooom...doomy doom to be exact.
Nakki: Where are we?
Snow: From the looks of the narration, we are in the fiery forum of doomy doom.
Nakki: The Underground?
Mabian: No, the other one.
Nakki: Zanzibar?
Mabian: Exactly.
Snow: Why Zanzibar?
Mabian: Because it wouldn't be much of a story if we got stranded on a tropical paradise.
Nakki: Why not?
Mabian: Because then it would simply be a story of us sitting on the beach and drinking.
Snow: And that is bad because...
Mabian: We wouldn't have an adventure. By the way, you guys grabbed the food, right?
Snow: I have an apple.
Mabian: An apple! That's it!
Snow: Well, I got nervous. So now I simply have an apple core.
Nakki: I have my harmonica.
Mabian: Is it edible?
Nakki: No.
Mabian: So, you had time to hold on to your harmonica, but you didn't have time to grab some food.
Nakki: Thinks for a moment. Yes.
Mabian strikes Nakki across the back of his head.
Nakki: Continue such acts, fool, and I shall devour your pitiful soul.
Snow: Did you just hear that?
Mabian: Sometimes I don't pay attention to Nakki. It makes things easier.
Nakki: You will listen to me when I rain fire upon your meager frame.
Mabian: What's that Nakki? I'm trying to ignore you.
The group moves on...
Nab: Wait! What about me?
TGP: Don't I get to be in the story?
Motel: I want a goat.
Mabian: You guys only get to have a short cameo.
Nab: Why?
Mabian: Because this is a story about me, Nakki, and Snow.
TGP: If you don't write me into the story, I'll blacklist you.
Mabian: You can't do that. I'm in control.
TGP: Oh yeah! Blacklistinationzrozrorz!
Mabian: Told you. Now, if you guys don't mind, your cameo is over.
Motel: But I only had one line.
Mabian: Which is why I wrote in that complaint. Now take your goat with you.
The group, without Newnab, TGP, Motel, and the rainbow goat, moves on to a large furnace. Next to it stands several children.
Mabian: What are you doing?
Children: We throw each idea that comes into Zanzibar into the flames.
Snow: Even the good ones?
Children: Only if they are really good do we spare them.
Nakki: Why do you do this?
Children: Because we like to.
Snow: You should be punished.
Children: Who's going to punish us?
Child 1: Yeah, beat it n00bs!
Out of nowhere comes Recon Number54, on glowing white wings. He drops in low, the Banhammer ready.
Children: Scatter! Hide!
The Banhammer strikes Child 1. He disappears in a cloud of smoke.
Recon: Use of the n-word is not allowed.
Mabian: Thanks Recon!
Recon flies away.
Nakki: How come Recon looks like a warrior angel, but TGP is a normal human?
Mabian: Because it's so easy to make fun of TGP. Just look at his hair.
Snow: He's got a point.
Mabian: What do we do about this furnace?
Snow: Should we turn it off?
Nakki: It's so warm...
Mabian: Let's turn it off.
Nakki: Why?
Mabian: Because this is my story, and I feel like making you suffer. For instance, I will now take your harmonica.
Nakki: NOOOOOO! I shall rip out your heart and feast upon it, then I shall vomit it out upon your dead body!
Mabian: That's pretty gross.
Nakki: Do you want me to go on? I can make it worse.
Snow: Nah.
Nakki: Awww, come on. I like doing this.
Mabian: Do you want me to write you out of this?
Nakki: Alright, I'll be good.
Mabian: That's better.
The group...
Nab: We're back. And we aren't leaving.
TGP: I brought dmbfan with me as well.
Mabian: Hey dmb.
Fan: Hey.
Mabian: You don't mind if I send you back on to moderating, do you?
Fan: Not really.
Mabian: Good. In that case, I'm going on with my story.
Motel: But I didn't get a line!
The group moves deeper into Zanzibar. The temperature rises...a lot. I mean, it's like 110 degrees! Can you imagine that!
Mabian: It's hot.
Snow: Yeah, we know. You just complained about it in the narration.
Mabian: Because it is. It's 110 degrees.
Snow: Why don't you just drop the temperature? It's your story.
Mabian: Because everyone knows that Zanzibar is a forum that has a lot of flames in it. It has to be hot.
Snow: Meh.
Mabian: You know, Ares will kill you if he hears you say that.
Nakki: Who's Ares?
Mabian: Never mind.
Ares: I'm Ares.
Snow: We can see that.
Ares: And now, Snow, you will die for taking my catch phrase!
Snow: Meh.
Ares: And now I will kill you twice.
Mabian: Not now.
Ares: But...
Mabian: Later.
Ares disappears.
Mabian: Where were we?
Snow: I believe we were walking deeper into Zanzibar.
Nakki: Can I have more than one line?
Mabian: No.
Nakki: Why not?
Mabian: Never mind.
The group continues to move along.
Snow: How much further do we have to go?
Nakki: Why are we here?
Mabian: We have to find a link to the Septagon.
Snow: Can we just take that arrow?
Mabian: For all we know it could send us to the Underground.
Nakki: Not the Underground!
Snow: Why don't you just make it send us to the Septagon?
Mabian: Because this is my story, and I will do as I wish.
The group finds some more children.
Child 1: waht ar u dong heer
Mabian: AGGGH! Bad grammar! Bad spelling!
Nakki: What's up with him?
Snow: Have you ever seen anyone go crazy and kill people over spelling and grammar?
Nakki: No.
Snow: Do you want to find out?
Nakki: Not really.
Child 2: l3347 i7 l\l00l35!
Mabian: AAAAGGGGHHH!
Nab: We aren't leaving this time!
TGP: I'm going to ban you from this forum. You'll learn to never mess with me.
Motel: Goats!
Snow: I'm outta here.
Nakki: Me too.
Snow and Nakki walk off.
Mabian: AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Later...
Snow: And that's why Shakespeare was so awesome.
Nakki: Oh, I see now.
Mabian: Hey guys.
Snow and Nakki: Hey.
Child: I'll flame you to Zanzibar you n00bs!
Mabian: We're in Zanzibar. Where did you come from?
Child: I made a second account.
dmbfan swoops down.
Child: NOOO!
The child disappears in a puff of smoke.
Mabian: Thanks dmb!
Fan: Thanks for giving me another cameo!
Nakki: How come you're nice to him, but not me.
Mabian: Because you're so easy to push around.
Snow: So what happened? Where are the others?
Nab: We're angels now. Well, except for TGP.
TGP: Yeah. Satan really likes my hair.
Motel: I have achieved my life's goal! I am now a goat! Look! I have horns!
Mabian: Yeeeaaah. When I went crazy, I accidentally killed them as well. At least Motel is happy.
Snow: Well, shall we go?
Mabian: What's the point. We're lost.
Nakki: Hand me my harmonica.
Mabian hands Nakki the harmonica. Nakki plays a tune on it.
Mabian: Where are we?
Nakki: The Septagon.
Snow: Why didn't you just take us here earlier?
Nakki: No one asked me to.
TGP: So is this the end of the story?
Mabian: Almost. I just have to finish it, then write up the meaning of the story.
(Yoozel walks up to the group, a bottle of whiskey in his hand.)
Snow: Why Yoozel?
Mabian: Because Nab said I should sneak in a drunken Yoozel joke.
Nab: I did.
Yoozel: This is my only line.
Everyone: Boooooooo!
Yoozel: But it's my only line!
The end
The moral:
Monty Python jokes are really funny.
Snow: What kind of a moral is that? What kind of ending is this?
Mabian: A funny one.
Ares kills Snowmanaxt twice.
Ares: I told you not to say "Meh"!
[Edited on 12/21/2005]