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Subject: Septagon revival: Skits
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  • Elder Legendary Member

Thought I'd start a little series of skits...

Nab: MAN! I am SO going to get sued by ABC..
Motel: Why?
Nab: Because Im completely ripping off and using characters from the TV show "Lost"... Havnt you noticed we're on a desert island?
Motel:..... I guess you're right..
Nab: Whaddya mean guess? Look around you! There's palm trees, a beach, a plane crash site... And a polar bear.... Wait.. .WHAT!? A fricken Polar Bear?
TGP: It had us confused too. Then we decided to name him Winston and keep him as a pet.
Winston: Really now.. You guys are too kind. So whens dinner?
Mabian: i WAS trying to cook some fish... Then I realised... Fish dont grow in sand. I dont get it.
Motel: Hmmm. I guess we're lost. Well! I better get to work attracting a rescue crew! *bends over and moons out to sea*

*Many ships and planes go past, but they all see Motel and swerve quickly and go very far away*

Nab: You idiot. Now they're never going to save us! What are we going to do now!
Coke: YOU guys are going to try and survive and slowly but surely all your dark pasts will be revealed as your group comes under attack from the mysterious "Others"...
The Others: Aww! You spoilt our surprise!!!
Coke:... And someone will build a raft.. And someone will be a hunter and find a hatch. A few of you will die and you'll all turn out to be somehow related.
AlexZander: Cool! Shotgun being Sawyer!
AlexZander: Eyyy! Look itsa me! Sawyar!
Nab:... Sawyer doesnt talk like that. That sounds more like an italian pizza guy than anything.
Sawyer: Thats an insult to my voice... *runs off crying*
Motel: Hooooold on a second Nab. There aren't enough people here to make up all the survivors in Lost.
Nab: Sure there is. I can be two people.
Motel: No you cant.
Nab: Yes I can. Watch this: I'm person number 1
Nab: And I think you'll find Im person number 2.
Motel:.... You are a GOD among men..

Godsprophet, TGP and Yoozel embark on a mission to find the cockpit and hopefully a radio.

Godsprophet: ... By "Embark".. Do you mean actually move?
Narrator: Why yes. Yes I do.
*Godsprophet moves*
GP: Enough?
Narrator: Little more.... Little more...
*GP keeps moving and falls off a cliff*
Narrator: Hahahahaha! Loser!
GP: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggghhhhhhh! *SPLAT!*
TGP: Hey. I found the cockpit.
Yoozel: Does it have a radio?
TGP: Ask them for more alchohol! Ask em! Go on! Pleeeeeeeease!
TGP: Come in.. Anybody.. Come in.. Hey!! Hahaha! Is that what my voice really sounds like?
Yoozel: Hurry! The battery is fading fast!
TGP: Ah doo doobie doobie doo! Hahaah. Oh man this rocks. Ah ah ah ah! Stayin Aliiiiiiive!
Yoozel: I'll give YOU alive if you dont use that radio for something useful.
TGP: Attention all passengars. TGP rocks.
Passengers: Booooo! Get off the stage!
Yoozel: Screw this. *Jumps off a cliff to try and join GP in death*

As Yoozel falls, he has a flashback and reveals his dark past...

Yoozel: I didnt do it! I was framed!
Yoozel's cousins sisters aunt twice removeds grampa: This is your destiny. You will now be deported to LA! On oceania flight 777.
Winston the polar bear: Ha ha! Unlucky Yoozel!
YCSATRG: And for that snideness, YOU'RE going too, Winston!
Winston: Aww.

Back in the present, and Yoozel somehow survived the fall
Monster that we cannot see: RAWR!
GP: Oh yeah. Pose for me. Feel the fear. WONDERFUL darling.
Yoozel: What are you two doing?
Monster: Im a scary monster run!

Yoozel and GP run for hours in a circle

A few MORE hours later they finally get back to the beach
Yoozel: OMGtheresatotallybigmonstersandheslikerawrandimlikeaaaahandme andgodspropherhadtorunanditwassobloodyscaryicouldntbelieveit.
Random people walking past: Yoozel is such an emo!
Yoozel:....
Nab: I didnt catch a word of that.
TGP: I brought back some radio even though it's out of battery. We can triangulate a signal.
Nab: Whaaaaat?
Godsprophet: Never mind, Nab. Just end the episode.
Nab: but it has to end with a cliffhanger!
Godsprophet: OH! But it does. That green weasel over there?
Nab: His life hangs in the balance?
Godsprophet: Not really... He just ate a hot dog... But I guess we can spruce it up and say he just put a bid in for a new house.
Nab: COOL!

WIll the small green weasel aqquire his dream home? And who's past will be revealed next? Find out next time IN!

Unable-to-be-found!

FIN. =)

  • 12.22.2005 3:34 AM PDT
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  • Exalted Mythic Member
  • gamertag: Mabian
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"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

Me next!

As the rest of the group watches the green weasel...

Motel: Can we turn it into a green goat?
Mabian: No. I'm tired of goat jokes. You can't have any more in my stories.
Motel: NOOOOO!

Anyways...As the rest of the group watches the green weasel do some things for his dream home, Mabian goes off hunting.

Mabian: Finally, I'm alone. I thought those fools would drive me crazy. Except Nab. He is the only one with a shred of intelligence. Now I can read my book.

As Mabian sits to read America: The Book by Jon Stewart (Only 24.95 at your neighborhood bookstore. "Get out and reeeeaad!" A paid advertisement from books around the globe.), he falls asleep, as everyone does when they read. I mean, come on, can you seriously sit through a book, seeing words go by again and again? No one can do it.

Mabian: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Zzzzzzzzzzz...Zzzzzzzzzzz
Monster: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...ZZZZZZZZZZ
Mabian: Zzzzz...Wait a second. I get the feeling I'm not alone.
Monster: Me too.
Mabian: Are you here to eat me?
Monster: Actually, I'm supposed to chase you around for hours, then you climb up a tree, and have a near-death experience in which the most important part of your life flashes before your eyes.
Mabian: Why?
Monster: Because you are supposed to be writing a continuation of Newnab's skit. Your past is to be revealed next.
Mabian: Fair enough.

The monster chases Mabian around a palm tree for several hours. Eventually Mabian decides to evade the monster by climbing the palm tree. Moron. How can you honestly think that climbing a tree will save you? He should die for his ignorance. But then the story would be nothing but Motel making goat jokes, and Yoozel being drunk wouldn't be as funny without a sober smart guy. This skit needs me like...ahhh never mind. I'd probably confuse the other characters if I started going on about Shakespeare and such.

TGP: Shake...speer?

See what I mean? Anyways, Mabian climbs the palm tree. He has a near-death experience...you know how it goes. The monster explained it.

Monster: Just like I said. Nobody ever listens when a character reveals the plot line.
Mabian: Because no one ever pays attention. They just say "OMGZORZ!!! A MNOSETR!!!!"
Mabian's Mentor: Hey, you, monster. Get out of this flashback.
Monster: A flashback? I thought we were still in the present.
MM: Didn't the black and white tip you off?
Monster: Oh, I didn't notice. Sorry.
The monster exits the flashback.
MM: Anyways. Mabian, I want you to take this copy of America: The Book by Jon Stewart. Yes, this and many other great books are waiting for you at your neighborhood bookstore. "Get out and reeeaad!"
Mabian: You too!
MM: It's a lot of money. You took it.
Mabian: But I needed it.
MM: Do you want me to take it back?
Mabian: Let's just get on with the flashback. I tee off at the club in 30 minutes.
MM: Mabian, I want you to take this book. I want you to promise me you will never fall asleep while reading it.
Mabian: I promise. Wait...why is this significant?
MM: Because your life is altogether boring. Plus, it produces irony because you fell asleep in the present.
Mabian: How am I supposed to get rid of the monster?
MM: You don't. That's the cliffhanger ending.
Mabian: Oh...

Will Mabian escape from the monster? Will the rest of the group help the green weasel get his house, or will they watch it and laugh? Why the hell was this skit significant? Find out next time in:

Unable-to-be-found. (Not a knock-off of "Lost.")

Motel: Goats!!!
Mabian: Shut up.

  • 12.22.2005 7:20 AM PDT

I'm not that active, but never dead.

I'm surprised at the amount of skits I am in.
I never considered myself well-known enough to mainstream Bungie.net.

Well, I'll add to the 'Lost skit'.

Lost! Deleted Scenes!

*Far off in the distance is the Weasel's dream house*
*Then it Expl0des!*
MrAlexZanzibar:Sorry, guess I used to much C-4. I was only decorating it for Kritzmas.
Everyone: Roflcopter! You spelt your name wrong!
=-= MrAlexZazibar is now known as AlexZander
AlexZander:Happy!?!
new1nab113:I'm from the past!
AlexZander:Well, so am I!
MrSmiley:Pwnt n00bs! Speaking of Kritz, where is he?
Kritz lurks in #moap.
Psyched: The jerk got banned!
Toast VII: >_>
Toast VII: <_<
Weasel: What happend to my house?
AlexZander:Errr....the Chav's destroyed it.
Weasel: That's it! TRANS-POKE-EVOLVE-FORM into....
BattleWeasel: I am stronger than Blue Cheese with Magenta crackers! I destroy you all!
Everyone:OMGBBGWTFROFLIMHOFFS!!!!11!!eleven!!1one,one!!shift+ one!!

TGP: What did I miss? I was talking to Hotel.
Motel feels betrayed.

[Edited on 12/23/2005]

  • 12.23.2005 4:11 AM PDT
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  • Exalted Mythic Member
  • gamertag: Mabian
  • user homepage:

"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

Nakki: RAWR!!!
Mabian: Why do you say that?
Nakki: Because I like to. RAWR!!!
Mabian: TGP's roar is better.
TGP: Rawwarwarrwaarr
Mabian: See.
Yoozel: Agreed. *Hic*
Mabian: What are you on?
Yoozel: 10.
Mabian: You're ahead of yourself.
Yoozel: No such thing as too much...*Hic*...alcohol.
Mabian: Yes there is. What happens if you die?
Nakki: I hear they have a lot of alcohol in Hell.
Yoozel kills Nakki.
Mabian: Why did you just do that?
Yoozel: A sure-fire way to Hell. I want that alcohol.
Mabian: At least I don't have to listen to Nakki roar anymore.
Nakki's Ghost: RWAR!!!
Mabian: Nope. TGP's is still better.
Yoozel: Grab me a beer.
Mabian: There aren't anymore.
Yoozel: Then I need to die, quickly.
Mabian: Ummm...you could drink some more and contract alcohol poisoning.
Yoozel: I just thought about something, this isn't much of a plotline.
Mabian: No one cares for long, intricate plotlines. They want short skits with drunken Yoozel jokes, and other jokes about TGP's hair.
TGP: I wish I hadn't shown that picture.
Mabian: You did TGP, you did. See, no one gets an allusion to a Monty Python skit when I make one.
TGP: How much longer are you going to rant?
Mabian: I'm done. I'll end this skit now.
Nakki: AWAR!!!!
Mabian: Better, but TGP still wins.
TGP: Rawwarrawwrarraarr!

The End...I guess

  • 12.23.2005 11:22 AM PDT
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Wow, now those are some funny things.

  • 12.23.2005 5:12 PM PDT
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newnab:*crawls on floor drooling*
SIII:What the?!
Newnab:argoo raghh harhaa
SII:umm *backs toward door*
Newnab:dsjfsafji djgiaj;fjk ifdjiojoas;jf
SII:What are you saying it sounds like your saying. it sounds like your saying dooojyy poodoo poodle gooaaattteeeeesssseeeeessssss.
Golumn:Yes...that is how yous sayess itssssss.
SII: I knew i shouldn't have bought the special.
*newnab eats golumn and SIII*

  • 12.23.2005 5:30 PM PDT
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  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Never, Ever, Ever, Leave you Clubhouse Unlocked: A Short, Cautionary Tale

A large, clean, wooden clubhouse setting. Some ruffians named Smealian, lellowranger, and Halifax are being very lazy and lounging about on various oddly-shaped objects that pretentious art students believe are “breathtaking.”


Halifax: This latest literary work is a NAPPIE Winner already. Would you all like to come to the reception? I hear there will be free signatures!
lellowranger: Count this cat in.
Smealian: I’m down. When and where is this shindig at?
Halifax: Tonight, in The Membership Denied Group. It’s free entry tonight, and tonight alone.
Smealian: Sweet. I’m always wondered what things are like in there.
Halifaz Well tonight you shall learn the mysteries.

With nothing to talk about, a short, and very awkward silence sets in.

lellowranger: You guys hear the one about Yoozel?
Halifax: Which one?
Smealian: I heard the one about how he was a break dancer….
lellowranger: Yeah, me too, but this one is much better. See, there was this guy, wait, maybe is was an elf. Let’s just say it was a guy. And the guy says “What is that thing?”
Smealian: Wait, what thing?
lellowranger: I think it’s a credenza, or some sort of shelf. I forget. I don’t think it matters.
Halifax: For simplicity, let’s say it was a large shelf.
lellowranger:[/b ]Right, whatever. So, the guy says “What is that?” And Yoozel is like “I am here for now!”
[b]Halifax:
What does that “for now” mean? Is he going to leave?
lellowranger: Apparently, he leaves later, after the joke is over and no one cares anymore.
Smealian:[/b ]Ah
[b]lellowranger:
So, seeing that Yoozel is there, the guy is like, “Look at thing thing!” And Yoozel is like “what fo?” so the guy
Halifax: The real Yoozel would never say “what fo?” The real Yoozel uses correct punctuation and real words.
lellowranger: This one time, I think he was drunk or something, he said “lookit”
Halifax: You lie.
Smealian: So what happened to the guy?
lellowranger: I think he leaves with Yoozel after the joke ends, but for now, he is pointing with all his might to “that thing” And Yoozel is like “It’s a beige monkey of some sort wearing a tutu and riding a motorcycle in space eating….things…..and(gasp)……dancing ……while(gasp)…exploding[(gasp)

Suddenly, a svelte, young Douglas Brown gracefully strides in. He is wearing an awesome suit with a classy top hat. He smacks lellowranger right in the face. lellowranger falls over

Douglas Brown: There’s a fine line between funny and redundancy, buddy, and you just crossed it.

lellowranger looks up at Douglas Brown with tears beginning to form in his eyes. Then Douglas Brown simply walked out, as gracefully as he walked in

Halifax: Which one of you jerks left the flippin’ door unlocked?!


FIN

  • 01.03.2006 1:43 PM PDT

With B.B. gone, the passion of Bungie.net has lessened.

Posted by: EAGLES5
Ok I got one.

Shiska walks in to a bar

TGP asks why the long face?




That actually says quite a bit... A derivative of the "horse walks into the bar" joke, obviously... Horses have long faces. Haha.

But, that would be saying Shishka is a horse. Now, if we were to believe what Peter Griffin said in "Family Guy: The Movie," which was, "Horses are terrible people," then through a bit of logical analysis that makes Shishka a terrible person?

:-X

  • 01.03.2006 1:50 PM PDT

Posted by: Shai Hulud
Posted by: EAGLES5
Ok I got one.

Shiska walks in to a bar

TGP asks why the long face?




That actually says quite a bit... A derivative of the "horse walks into the bar" joke, obviously... Horses have long faces. Haha.

But, that would be saying Shishka is a horse. Now, if we were to believe what Peter Griffin said in "Family Guy: The Movie," which was, "Horses are terrible people," then through a bit of logical analysis that makes Shishka a terrible person?

:-X



I made the same joke about John Kerry.

  • 01.03.2006 9:38 PM PDT
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  • Exalted Mythic Member
  • gamertag: Mabian
  • user homepage:

"Whatever exists, whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. These anonymous creatures may seem little or nothing in the world. Yet the smallest crumb can devour us. Any smallest thing beneath yon rock out of men's knowing. Only nature can enslave man and only when the existence of each last entity is routed out and made to stand naked before him will he be properly suzerain of the earth."

Posted by: Shai Hulud
Posted by: EAGLES5
Ok I got one.

Shiska walks in to a bar

TGP asks why the long face?




That actually says quite a bit... A derivative of the "horse walks into the bar" joke, obviously... Horses have long faces. Haha.

But, that would be saying Shishka is a horse. Now, if we were to believe what Peter Griffin said in "Family Guy: The Movie," which was, "Horses are terrible people," then through a bit of logical analysis that makes Shishka a terrible person?

:-X


You just had to do it, didn't you?

  • 01.03.2006 9:43 PM PDT

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