- Sergeant Murph
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- Noble Legendary Member
Not bad, but the dialogue in the beginning was very monotone. For the future, you might consider taking a different approach to that--take necessary pauses, emphasis on words--whatever it takes to emotionally grip the viewer.
And the combat sequence was cool, albeit a bit unoriginal and unlikely (Spartans strafing in the middle of an open battlefield with Wraith mortars, Needler and Plasma rounds flying all around them, but never hitting...except for that one guy that died, I guess, after which his teammate came over with a dropshield and kind of teabagged him. lol)
By no means bad, though. I think your storytelling could be very good in this. Keep it up.