Off Topic: The Flood
This topic has moved here: Subject: News headlines from 2029
  • Subject: News headlines from 2029
Subject: News headlines from 2029
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Newspaper headlines from 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's
third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.

Baby conceived naturally ... scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexu al marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and
Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nailclippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to
campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine

[Edited on 8/27/2004 8:06:59 PM]

  • 08.27.2004 8:06 PM PDT
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When barbecuing veggie burgers, be sure to tie your long hair back. That will keep it away from the flames, you stupid hippie.

I'm a man with a fork in a world of soup.

6th harry potter book released

  • 08.27.2004 8:08 PM PDT
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Dislexia for cure found!

  • 08.27.2004 8:12 PM PDT
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When barbecuing veggie burgers, be sure to tie your long hair back. That will keep it away from the flames, you stupid hippie.

I'm a man with a fork in a world of soup.

olsen twins fainally do porno movie to revive career.

  • 08.27.2004 8:13 PM PDT
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Posted by: sicmind
6th harry potter book released


not that i care, but it's out...it's been out

  • 08.27.2004 8:16 PM PDT
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i like the olsen twin one

  • 08.28.2004 7:27 AM PDT
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Americans take over Mexico

  • 08.28.2004 7:37 AM PDT
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I liked the one about France being taken over by Jamacia



  • 08.28.2004 9:32 AM PDT
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Posted by: flamechu
Posted by: sicmind
6th harry potter book released


not that i care, but it's out...it's been out


Sorry bub, it hasn't.

Order of the Pheonix is book 5.

  • 08.28.2004 9:36 AM PDT
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I am J-117, Warrior, Leader.
Let freedom ring in every voice as the Helljumpers march on to victory. Death to all who oppose the might of the real soul of humanity.
So say we all,
J-117
GamerTag: The ODST Girl

all cars are recalled for the new hover-car but due to the debts of california, it costs 75,000 $ down

  • 08.28.2004 9:41 AM PDT
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Yo Halo53, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best bungie.net profiles of all time. OF ALL TIME!

"George Lucas the III decides to make Star Wars Episodes X, XI and XII after 7, 8 and 9 fail miserably."


(On a side note I enjoyed 2...)

  • 08.28.2004 9:42 AM PDT
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Halo 3 sells 5,000,000 copies in the US just from preorders

Mexico enforces borders to prevent Americans from smuggling in illegally to find work

Jamaicans flee France because of the horrible stench; African tribe of 13 people with rocks then take the country over by force

  • 08.28.2004 10:03 AM PDT
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Posted by: Frag Master
Halo 3 sells 5,000,000 copies in the US just from preorders


by then there will be a halo 10

  • 08.28.2004 10:04 AM PDT
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No, more like Halo 5 and Xbox 10

  • 08.28.2004 10:05 AM PDT
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Ron Jeremy finally can't do his masterful tricks. Poor sap.

  • 08.28.2004 10:05 AM PDT
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Argg they blew it up they blew it all up!

  • 08.28.2004 10:05 AM PDT
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Posted by: -blam!- Galore88
Americans take over Mexico


Where have you been? We did that over 150 years ago.

  • 08.28.2004 10:06 AM PDT
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African tribe occupying France all die of AIDS, and then an 80 year old man with a cane then conquers France single-handedly

  • 08.28.2004 10:06 AM PDT
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Posted by: Lacrimosa
Posted by: flamechu
Posted by: sicmind
6th harry potter book released


not that i care, but it's out...it's been out


Sorry bub, it hasn't.

Order of the Pheonix is book 5.


well apperently, as i said, i don't care
and your the loser who actually knows this

  • 08.28.2004 10:09 AM PDT