- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
It's around lunch time and my sister and I were rather hungry, so I decided to grill us up some hamburger patties!
I was outside standing before a firey belching demon of a barbeque. Its flames were licking the soft pink patties, like baby calfs lick the utters of their mother. And by golly, these flames were hungry. Impacient I was, so on high it was set. A furnance of burger-grilling excellence, I cackled madly as these soft pink patties spangled and bubbled their juicy, fatty liquid into the firey grave of coal and heat - because, hey, I'm on a diet.
With the lid of the beast closed tight, I practiced doing handstands in the warm sunlight, burning my hands. All about me seemed to be this perpetual heat. Oh, woe, had only the thought occurred to me of going inside and escaping this tormentuous torment.
I re-opened the lid to the firey tomb when my breath was removed with a wave of heat, smoke, and the stench of burning flesh. The burgers were nearing completion at last. Armed with my spatula and the blessings of my ancestors, I began to peel the circular, greasy, nutritional slabs of meat and turning them over so thast has two fully grilled sides, instead of just one.
But - woe! - the plight and bane of my existance, I had on accident flipped a burger most irregularily! Down it plummeted long-ways up, through the grating and into the pit of charcoal and flame. The beast growled its hungry approval. How careless I was to let such an innocent fall! Woe!
However, I was not about to give up on such a yummy parcel so easily! Grabbing my two-pronged Lance of Vengeance, I plunged both past the grating to lift this victimized meatstuff from the belly of the beast. Balancing it beneath the grating with the spatula, I pieced it limply with the Lance of Vengeance. I realized that if I lifted up I could lift the grating up. Flames licked around me, my flesh began to get hot. Doing a cunning trade-off thing, I inched the patty closer to the edge of the grate. For two minutes I sat there, working my cunning magic. Many a time did the patty look as though it was about to slip back down - and many a time I daringly saved it, only to proceed onward again with more daring and determination. At long last I got it to the edge of the grating - with the Lance of Vengeance I lifted it, and removed the burger.
I was victorious and the day was saved. It was the best burger of my life.
[Edited on 9/1/2004 1:21:36 PM]