OP, I'm assuming you are talking about your topic called, "Halo is going down the drain,".
I'm going to sincere with you: I didn't read it. Nor would I want to read it. Judging from selected sentences, it is very repetitive. You mention four paragraphs worth or problems that have been repeatably talked about since November 2010.
In your thread, I don't know what you are suggesting. Now, I may have an idea... but it isn't clear and that is the problem. The first sentence should be enough to let me know what the topic is about. Heck, even the title should be enough.
We aren't your middle-school English teachers grading your final essay. We are a bunch of hyperactive gamers with little attention span. Make your point loud and clear, please.