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This topic has moved here: Subject: My ODST Story (so far)
  • Subject: My ODST Story (so far)
Subject: My ODST Story (so far)

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!

I posted a day or two ago about my story i've started. I got some positive comments, so i'm posting what I added. Is there anything bad? Any thing good? Don't judge, i'm just a freshman who's been wanting to write a Halo story since I was 7.

Story:
Cpl. Frank Schwartz winced as the first HEV, abbreviated for Human-Entry-Vehicle, launched like a human cannon from the UNSC Halcyon- Class Cruiser, 'Red Dawn'. He's been on dozens of training and real mission drops, but he still was surprised whenever the countdown went from 1 to 0. They said it was going to be a cake walk, a simple insertion into an Insurrection outpost that had been suspected of carrying nuclear warheads.

At first, the Insurrection was no problem to the UNSC. The Lance Corporal never thought it would come to an undeclared civil war. Now, it's been little engagements throughout the Outer Colonies. Two years ago, Schwartz joined the Special Forces: the ODST's. The same year, the UNSC thought it was beneficiary to use nuclear weaponry to put their fist down on the rebellion on the Far Isle colony. He thought it would be the perfect time to join seeing as he thought he would have no tough missions, thinking the Insurgents would give in.

He was wrong as he thought back to the day where it was much simpler than this. All of his thought instantly faded away when the CO's voice broke over the intercom of his HEV. "Schwartz, I want you to take bravo team to take the outpost on the southern flank, as you have the marksmen and silenced weapons in your squad." The transmission ended in brief static, and then the line was cut off. The Corporal checked to his right and relived to see his silenced M7 sub-machinegun. It would be useful for the close-quarters bases the rebels favored.

As per standard drop procedures, Schwartz set his pod ejection time before his other squad mates. As Frank dropped through the clouds, he recalled the buildings from the VR training they have before each mission. He couldn't confirm it, but he thought he caught a glimpse of a metallic white object being loaded into a modified transport warthog. He tried getting hold of his CO but communication was silent after the Captain gave him his orders.

The brass ordered the mission on the same day a meteor shower would appear over the planet; this had excellent cover while the ODST's made their insertions. The landing was like every other combat drop he'd been on. Always worried that his chute wouldn't open, that was the ODST's biggest fear, though they were taught to have no fear. But the chute opened flawlessly. The landing jarred Frank a little bit more than usual. The casket hatch also had a bit of a problem opening, but this is the usual landing for an ODST.

As he walked out into the night forest, he saw in the sky a drop pod lower than 50,000 feet, lower than the requirement to open your chute. He saw the primary and secondary back-up chute flailing in the air like a rag doll. He realized that they failed, he swear he could hear the faint scream coming from Pvt. Jones's HEV. It was the rookies first real combat drop; he also carried the 99C-S2 Anti-Materiel Sniper Rifle. Frank gave a very brief moment of silence. He was an estimated 1/4 of a kilometer from the crash site. He hurried to go see what remained of the drop pod.

The CO landed somewhat near the crashed drop pod, he made his way through the thick underbrush. When he reached the crater the HEV had created, he already saw Cpl. Schwartz going to work. "Corporal, I need you to take the sniper rifle and take Jones's position on your team. Can you take more of the stress? You should, you trained to be an ODST."

"Yes sir." The Corporal replied. As the CO walked away, he muttered to himself, "Why can't these damn pod hatches be easier to open." As he gave the door one final attempt to yank off the pod hatch. The door came with a loud bang as it slammed against his chest piece. He set it down and looked inside of the pod. Inside he saw the Privates dead, motionless body sitting there in a slump. Nothing looked wrong from the outside but he knew when he crashed, all his insides went to his ankles, thus causing instant death. The Corporal snapped the sniper rifle and grapple hooks from the crashed pod. Then he worked his way back the rally point he set for his squad before the drop.

[Edited on 07.25.2011 7:53 PM PDT]

  • 07.25.2011 7:32 PM PDT

Not bad. Its well written I would be interested in the rest.

  • 07.25.2011 7:36 PM PDT

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!


Posted by: Uncarinelf
Not bad. Its well written I would be interested in the rest.
Really? Thank you.

  • 07.25.2011 7:44 PM PDT

Hey man this is terrific! But, I did catch a single error. In paragraph 6 line 4 word 5, you said "I was the rookies first real combat drop." Im thinking it should be; "It"

  • 07.25.2011 7:46 PM PDT

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!


Posted by: Imp No1
Hey man this is terrific! But, I did catch a single error. In paragraph 6 line 4 word 5, you said "I was the rookies first real combat drop." Im thinking it should be; "It"
Oh my gosh, thanks for the heads up.

  • 07.25.2011 7:48 PM PDT


Posted by: baldeagle24

Posted by: Imp No1
Hey man this is terrific! But, I did catch a single error. In paragraph 6 line 4 word 5, you said "I was the rookies first real combat drop." Im thinking it should be; "It"
Oh my gosh, thanks for the heads up.


hey no problem man.

  • 07.25.2011 7:49 PM PDT

@accordingto343

Your one stop shop for all of 343's fabulous errors and ridiculous notions in the Halo lore.

It's decent, nothing really dragging in my interest yet, but there is room to expand.

  • 07.25.2011 7:50 PM PDT

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!


Posted by: DecepticonCobra
It's decent, nothing really dragging in my interest yet, but there is room to expand.
Well, I can always take in some ideas? Anything you want to add?

  • 07.25.2011 7:54 PM PDT

Unkown forger. Fear my laser face.
Hit me up

you need to devlope some character personalitys

  • 07.25.2011 10:53 PM PDT

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!


Posted by: Dustin 6047

Posted by: yo momy hafu
you need to devlope some character personalitys


This and add more suspence to when they're dropping. Give detail of the environment. Other than that I'm interested in hearing the rest.
Okay, thanks for tips guys.

  • 07.26.2011 12:45 AM PDT

hello! Don't you like me like Nikon D5100 DSLR camera?

I like the latest paragraph! How do you get this dialogue?

Garmin Forerunner 610

  • 07.26.2011 12:56 AM PDT

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!

How does a covenant assassin sound to you guys? Even though this was placed before any "contact" was made before Harvest? OR would that break any canon?

[Edited on 07.26.2011 7:13 AM PDT]

  • 07.26.2011 7:05 AM PDT


Posted by: baldeagle24
How does a covenant assassin sound to you guys? Even though this was placed before any "contact" was made before Harvest? OR would that break any canon?

Its fanfic so canon doesn't matter. However it wouldnt be unreasonable to think there was some contact between Covenant and UNSC before Harvest. What do you mean Covenant assassin?

[Edited on 07.26.2011 7:20 AM PDT]

  • 07.26.2011 7:18 AM PDT

"Hero's Get Remembered, But Legends Never Die. Follow Your Heart, And You Can Never Go Wrong."

___________(""""II"""" ; ;II""""")_TT______
I ---------____.`=====.-. :________\___|================[oo]
I_III___/___/_/~"""I_I_I_I'''

It's really good, as said above, it's coming along rather nicely.

However, this should be moved over to the Gallery before it gets locked. (Doesn't belong here, mate.)

  • 07.26.2011 7:20 AM PDT

Stop being a lazy ass and stop trolling through the forums, play video games!

Thanks for all the positive feed back. I will keep posting as I work on it.

  • 07.26.2011 7:48 AM PDT