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Subject: I know the secrets of Destiny, and now, so can you.

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|| Average Joe ||

I hope this message gets to you in one piece. Bungie employees have been tracing my signal ever since I discovered the secrets of Destiny. Read fast, and pay attention; it won't be long before they discover this thread.

Project Destiny is not actually a game. All of the clips you have seen in the ViDoc of terrain editors are not simply editing software, but rather, pure hardware. Yes, that's right: Grognok is an actual terrain editor, and is linked to a planet in a distant solar system.

Over the course of Bungie's 20-year history, Jason Jones has been secretly putting aside most of the profits from Bungie releases in order to fund 'Destiny'. When they signed a deal with Activision, they were given a hefty sum of money to help finance their new game. However, the funds were not put towards a new game. Oh no; they added it to Jason Jones' hidden stash. With their relocation to a new studio, people were led to believe that they were simply moving to a bigger studio to accommodate their larger staff numbers. This was not the case. Bungie had actually relocated in order to perform several bank heists within the city. After successfully retaining a sufficient pool of cash, Bungie started working on Destiny. Avid gamers and Bungie fans across the globe began to wonder what this awesome new game could be, but alas, Destiny was no game. Deep underground the studio, work began on a top-secret space vehicle.

On Bungie Day 2011, the Destiny vehicle was finally completed, and to celebrate, Bungie placed 'golden tickets' into a total of seven Bags O' Swag for lucky fans to collect. What the fans were not aware of, however, was that these tickets were all to be used as boarding passes. They were the Seven, as chosen by destiny itself. No, not the ship, you moron. In 2012, Bungie will announce that their new game is ready to be unveiled, and at E3 2012, they will launch the Destiny vehicle, along with the entire Bungie staff and the Seven. Their destination? A planet which had been perfected over the past three years, through use of the Grognok system.

So why did Bungie choose to leave Earth? Well, isn't it obvious? The Halo series is not something that man can simply come up with. No, the story is far too incredible for the minds of a mere human. In 1991, Jason Jones experienced a fluctuation in the space-time continuum. While sitting on the Bungie HQ toilet, typing away on his Mac's keyboard (he wheeled his desktop into the toilets so that he could work in peace), he accidentally pressed the command button a few too many times. A combination of the bacteria in the air from the toilets, and the fact that Jason never washed his hands after he had finished his business, led to an impossible feat. He was transported to the year 2552, pants around his ankles and a huge Mac computer in his hands. He was stared at by a strange, bird-like creature which resembled an ostrich. Shortly after, he was met by a man dressed in green armour, which had the letters 'UNSC' painted on the shoulder. He told Jason that he was on planet Reach, one of humanity's military outpost planets. After being taken to safety, Jones was brought up to speed on the events up to now, and became aware of the Human-Covenant war. You can see where the rest of the story goes.

A few years later, Jason had seen everything, having volunteered as a signalman in the UNSC, he served on the Pillar of Autumn, and later, the UNSC In Amber Clad and the UNSC Forward Unto Dawn. It is not known how he survived the events that followed. Eventually, he discovered that he could travel back to his time by creating a slipspace portal and travelling through it backwards. Who'd have thunk it? When he returned to 1991, he realised that he had only been gone five minutes. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Alex Seropian then burst into the toilets and started shouting at Jason to get out so he could have a dump. Little did he know that Jones had just returned from the future, and now had the foundation for one of the world's greatest stories... which would turn out to be true.

So there you have it. The Halos are real. They're out there, now - dormant. Waiting for the Covenant to discover them. Knowing that Earth was in danger, Jones dedicated the next twenty years to both retelling the story of Master Chief to warn people of the horrors to come, and to creating a space craft capable of saving his closest friends and family. Now that I have told you this, you are in danger. Start running, and never stop. Bungie will find you. I can hear Warthogs rolling up to my safe house as I write this. You are not safe. Run.

  • 08.05.2011 7:46 AM PDT

That was entertaining. And hopefully true.

  • 08.05.2011 7:49 AM PDT

I don't need to ru...

wait someone is banging on my door their trying to break it down I need to get out of here.

  • 08.05.2011 7:51 AM PDT

Stopped taking this thread seriously at "bank heists". It seems you wasted your time, it isn't even funny...

EDIT: I should probably point out by stopping taking it seriously, I mean started skim reading. I knew it wasn't serious from the opening sentence

[Edited on 08.05.2011 7:53 AM PDT]

  • 08.05.2011 7:51 AM PDT

We're the Flintstones kids, ten million strong and growing...

Glass Galaxies - a theme for bungie.net

Per audacia ad astra. Halo Reach | Destiny

Posted by: antony X1000
Stopped taking this thread seriously at "bank heists".

It took you that long to realise it's not serious? Dayum.

edit: ofc you edit at the same time as I reply -.-

[Edited on 08.05.2011 7:53 AM PDT]

  • 08.05.2011 7:53 AM PDT

The Bloody Nine will take over the world. And you will be his slave!
Hate list: xx Furman xx 123
XXXXXXT1MB3RUML0LXXXXXVIXBZ
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My linked gamertag is not my main acc.

So you are saying that halo's are real? -777 faith on bnet community. EDIT: I knew from the beginning of this post that he was trolling.

[Edited on 08.05.2011 7:54 AM PDT]

  • 08.05.2011 7:53 AM PDT

Halo Waypoint Superintendent // Forger // Junior Games & Web Developer.

Halo4ger.com - Founder/Admin.

@DerFlatulator

Reaching Perfection || Blueprint -- Action Sack Lead

Dude, who didn't know that.

  • 08.05.2011 7:55 AM PDT

Have an addicition? Join Gamers Anon



Posted by: urk
Then there are the people who poop in the mash potatoes. Those people get launched out on their asses.

This "Space vehicle" wouldn't happen to be a slingshot would it?

  • 08.05.2011 7:55 AM PDT


Posted by: Zoidberg25
Posted by: antony X1000
Stopped taking this thread seriously at "bank heists".

It took you that long to realise it's not serious? Dayum.

edit: ofc you edit at the same time as I reply -.-

I started editing straight after I posted, my iPod just loads pages incredibly slowly...

  • 08.05.2011 7:56 AM PDT


Posted by: firecrakcer
I don't need to ru...

wait someone is banging on my door their trying to break it down I need to get out of here.


Posted by: borrowedchief
This "Space vehicle" wouldn't happen to be a slingshot would it?


I have a few seconds to reply the slingshot is next to the ship anyone caught by bungie is .....

  • 08.05.2011 7:56 AM PDT

- Psychosis

By, Urk's Beard! That's incredible!
:O

  • 08.05.2011 7:58 AM PDT

I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.

This account is now retired due to WLID changing. Webteam needs to fix that, seriously >.>

I knew it! ... No wait, I didn't guess at that at all. I'd never considered that.

  • 08.05.2011 8:11 AM PDT

No signature found. Click here to change this.

this is the best theory i've heard so far

  • 08.05.2011 2:50 PM PDT

Hey, how's it going?

Xbox Ambassador

Ambassador Support Chat

That was the most amazing thing I've ever read on Bungie.net.

  • 08.05.2011 2:56 PM PDT

Per Audacia Ad Astra

Posted by: Dropship dude
They were the Seven, as chosen by destiny itself. No, not the ship, you moron.


I laughed.

Posted by: Dropship dude
I can hear Warthogs rolling up to my safe house as I write this. You are not safe. Run.


*starts running*

  • 08.05.2011 2:58 PM PDT

Per Audacia Ad Astra

That was a great story... It must have taken a while to think of something so far-fetched...

*packs bags*

  • 08.05.2011 2:59 PM PDT

Great, now the Bungie agents are going to come after all of us! You've doomed us all!

  • 08.05.2011 3:00 PM PDT

[In Trance we Trust]
[Member Since: 03.25.2008]
[I am the Forum Psychologist]
[This is what I look like.]
Electronic Based Group. Join if you love Electronic Music and all of its subgenres.
[I listen to Trance, Hardstyle, Dubstep, Techno, and everything else Electronic]

No. They launch enemies, not allies.


Posted by: borrowedchief
This "Space vehicle" wouldn't happen to be a slingshot would it?

  • 08.05.2011 3:02 PM PDT

These are not the informations you are looking for. Unless you're looking for my informations.

Check us out. Registration is not open, so please contact me or another member of the site if you would like to consider joining.

Every 5 out of 7 people who time travel did it because they were on the toilet.

The facts add up.

  • 08.05.2011 3:02 PM PDT

Per Audacia Ad Astra

Posted by: Covy Killer
Great, now the Bungie agents are going to come after all of us! You've doomed us all!


I wonder what Bungie agents look like...

  • 08.05.2011 3:02 PM PDT

lolnope.

I rather enjoyed that read.

  • 08.05.2011 3:04 PM PDT

Gaming Rig Specs:
Coolermaster HAF X // XFX Pro 850W XXX PSU // Corsair 16GB Vengeance RAM (1600MHz) //
Corsair 120GB Force GT SSD // Western Digital Caviar Green 2TB HDD // Intel i7 3770k CPU //
MSI Z77A-GD65 Mainboard // MSI GTX 680 Twin Frozr III OC Edition Graphics Card -- Runs BF3 on ultra at anywhere from 60FPS to 130+FPS.

|| Average Joe ||

Thanks for the comments and criticisms everyone. I'll try and keep you posted, but Bungie just burnt down my London safe house. Luckily I'm seven steps ahead.

  • 08.05.2011 3:05 PM PDT

[In Trance we Trust]
[Member Since: 03.25.2008]
[I am the Forum Psychologist]
[This is what I look like.]
Electronic Based Group. Join if you love Electronic Music and all of its subgenres.
[I listen to Trance, Hardstyle, Dubstep, Techno, and everything else Electronic]

Quick! They'll track your IP and then Jeremiah will break down your door! Keep planning ahead. Feel free to post your plans here. They never have time to read some threads. :3


Posted by: Dropship dude
Thanks for the comments and criticisms everyone. I'll try and keep you posted, but Bungie just burnt down my London safe house. Luckily I'm seven steps ahead.

  • 08.05.2011 3:08 PM PDT

One Love,
One Tru7h,
One Destiny.


Writer for TheGameFanatics.com


God speed, Dropship.


God speed..

  • 08.05.2011 3:13 PM PDT

I just looked out my window, and I could of sworn I saw a Warthog with a slingshot instead of a turret. I'm scared.

  • 08.05.2011 3:14 PM PDT

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