The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: A small part of a book I've been writing
  • Subject: A small part of a book I've been writing
Subject: A small part of a book I've been writing
  • gamertag: BC1096
  • user homepage:

BC1096
One does not choose a destiny, his destiny is bestowed, shaped and formed, from the soul.

It takes place on reach (I know it's not to original)

But in the perspective of a group of civilians in their fight for survival during the invasion

Post both positive and negative feed back either way it'll help me

6 days into the invasion of reach

Characters: Andrew, Noah, John, Christian, Michael and Wallace

This part takes place inside a city called Artemis, a city in ruins

Andrew: Where's Wallace ?

Noah: He went out looking for food, those bastards took all we had, we couldn't do anything.

Andrew: Are you serious! Why the he'll didn't you fight them, do something, Do you not understand how screwed we are!

Noah: He had a god damn gun! what the hell am I supposed to do! take one for the team? You making this -blam!- harder for us, for god sake we both know what happened to Christian,

Andrew: Don't put that on me! Im not the one who gave him a gun and let him kill himself! That his fault he couldn't take it he-

(door opens)

Wallace: There's no food, no water, nothing. Just bodies and rubble

(Wallace looks at Andrew)

Wallace: what Happened...Dont tell me someone else gave up!

Andrew: No! We are all here. Have you heard anything from Michael and Luke?

Wallace: No. Haven't seen them since-

(an explosion is heard in the distance)

Andrew: Get into the shelter get the shotgun and stay with Noah.

Noah: don't tell me your going to look for them! They could still be out there.

Andrew: And if they are?

Noah: then that pistol won't save you from -blam!- and you'll die like the others!

Andrew: I'm not losing another person! I won't live know that Michael-

( door is slammed open )

Micahel: Guys we got to go!

Wallace: what happe-

Michael: Shut the hell up! Listen to me we have to get out before they-

(the room went white, ears went deaf, blue lines and a light blue light emitted from the center of the room, and a burning sinsation consumed my body)

End

Thoughts and should I keep going so you can understand more clearly

[Edited on 01.15.2012 9:46 PM PST]

  • 01.15.2012 9:46 PM PDT

That's more of a script than a book.

  • 01.15.2012 11:39 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

:)

Books are hundreds of thousands of words. You've barely got a hundred.

[Edited on 01.16.2012 11:30 AM PST]

  • 01.16.2012 11:30 AM PDT
  • gamertag: BC1096
  • user homepage:

BC1096
One does not choose a destiny, his destiny is bestowed, shaped and formed, from the soul.

It's piece

  • 01.16.2012 11:49 AM PDT
  • gamertag: BC1096
  • user homepage:

BC1096
One does not choose a destiny, his destiny is bestowed, shaped and formed, from the soul.


Posted by: jross1993
Books are hundreds of thousands of words. You've barely got a hundred.


It says small part for a reason it's only a little

  • 01.16.2012 11:49 AM PDT

I for one thoroughly enjoyed this phantasmagorical masterpiece, and will keep it forever in my thoughts as a paragon of writing to aspire to.

  • 01.16.2012 11:50 AM PDT

only the best game ever.
~Sur Squishy
XBL: D a r k s t a r
PSN: darkstarrr
Minecraft: The_Dark_Star

Forum Rules | Terms of Use | Code of Conduct

Posted by: BF117HALO
That's more of a script than a book.

This.

OP: Your 'book' has good potential, but as the user that I quoted, this is more of a script than a book. If you would like to consider this a 'book', then I would suggest using some dialouge.

  • 01.16.2012 12:39 PM PDT

Love to write? Need a piece critiqued? Visit Writers' Corner.

Posted by: blade246
Posted by: BF117HALO
That's more of a script than a book.

This.

OP: Your 'book' has good potential, but as the user that I quoted, this is more of a script than a book. If you would like to consider this a 'book', then I would suggest using some dialouge.

Actually, most of the excerpt is dialogue. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with a dialogue-heavy piece, but you have to incorporate vital info about the setting, characters, etc. that you would otherwise include in a non-dialogue paragraph or something, which can be difficult for most. I'd recommend putting in a lot more descriptive details that aren't dialogue, OP. And like everyone else said, this isn't a book (or a piece of a book, for that matter). It's more like a script.

  • 01.16.2012 3:09 PM PDT

Games I like:,
Half-Minute Hero
MBU
Portal
Halo 3 is the best Halo ever
Maps I like: Turf, Avalanche, Pylon, Sandbox, Breakpoint and many more.

So you make up a city, and copy the general idea of Cloverfield's general idea?


This is a script, and needs more emotion and description.

  • 01.17.2012 12:33 AM PDT

As others have said, this is not a book, its a script. Books aren't written like that.

  • 01.17.2012 10:52 AM PDT

inb4thatsascript
Ha! that's awesome. On topic, however, I will simply say that there is nothing wrong with writing a script. Keep at it!

[Edited on 01.17.2012 7:53 PM PST]

  • 01.17.2012 7:50 PM PDT


Posted by: Wolverfrog
I for one thoroughly enjoyed this phantasmagorical masterpiece, and will keep it forever in my thoughts as a paragon of writing to aspire to.


sirious?

  • 01.18.2012 10:58 AM PDT
  • gamertag: BC1096
  • user homepage:

BC1096
One does not choose a destiny, his destiny is bestowed, shaped and formed, from the soul.


Posted by: AssaultCommand

Posted by: A Fat Bell End
inb4thatsascript
Ha! that's awesome. On topic, however, I will simply say that there is nothing wrong with writing a script. Keep at it!
Yeah, but... just don't call it a book.


I will be a book

  • 01.19.2012 9:18 AM PDT

You will be a book? But I want you to stay human!

  • 01.19.2012 1:25 PM PDT
  • gamertag: BC1096
  • user homepage:

BC1096
One does not choose a destiny, his destiny is bestowed, shaped and formed, from the soul.


Posted by: BF117HALO
You will be a book? But I want you to stay human!


Lol. That was a pretty funny typo. Also check out the thread below this one. That's whats actually in the book

  • 01.19.2012 1:59 PM PDT

Not bad... Keep writing.

  • 01.19.2012 2:42 PM PDT
  • gamertag: BC1096
  • user homepage:

BC1096
One does not choose a destiny, his destiny is bestowed, shaped and formed, from the soul.

Check out the other thread it has alot more

  • 01.20.2012 7:47 PM PDT