- Helveck
- |
- Fabled Mythic Member
Or else I'll be really steaming mad. Even more mad than I am right now! You've done nothing for us, NOTHING! You guys are never around, never call, never write. It's pathetic how poor the interaction level is between you and your fans. You act as if you're busy and or tied up doing some important work within the depths of your office when really, we know you're doing practically nothing. Just sitting around with your feet on the desk giving each other back rubs eh? You make me sick. *Spits*
You tell us you're "going dark"? What the hell? Why would you turn the lights and computers off in your office!? It makes no sense! Obviously its because, as I said, you're doing nothing! You're all probably just sitting at the front desk with Jerome, playing Twister and Scrabble, drinking beers and eating beef jerky. All the while we, the Community, sit here and struggle with your absence every single day. The pain of your absence becoming more and more unbearable with each day being worst than the last... Don't lie to me Bungie. I know how you are and I know that you probably all see these forums day in and day out and laugh uncontrollably and hysterically at use while we wait in great anticipation for the coming of your next title. Which probably doesn't even exist.
In order for progress to be made... You MUST satisfy our wants and needs. That is your job... Your job isn't just about making games, it's about pleasing us, making us happy, giving us what we rightfully deserve. And as a citizen, I know my rights. YOU OWE US THIS!!!
So, in order to prevent me from going to the World Leaders to have them force their iron hand upon you, I will make some clear conditions that must be met in order for you to rectify this horrible situation that are hopefully seen as positive and constructive. If so I will do what I can to implement and assist with said guidelines without delay.
This list is as follows...
Caffiene intake:
#1. You will stop going to Starbucks. Coffee helps facilitate and induce ADHD behavior. How do I know this? I'm a mentalpsychologistanyalist behavioral doctor. Trust me.
Security:
#2. I will be sending a Dragon to Seattle. If you attempt to leave the Studio, the Dragon will either escort you back into the building, or eat you. But he is on a diet, so I would prefer that you just comply. The vet bill for a Dragon believe it or not is simply astronomical.
Break Time and Food Consumption:
#3. No food or drink allowed at your desk. You should be concentrating on your work. In fact, best to be safe... No food or drink at all.
Recreational Conversation:
#4. No talking. If you do speak you will be banished into the pillow pit of spikes. Whereby you will comfortably land on a bed of pillows, bean bags and spikes.
Bathroom Breaks:
#5.One bathroom break is permitted per day. And one only. You may use the garbage beside or beneath or desk for this.
Going Home and Vacation Time:
#6. Those interested in visiting with family members must achieve this luxury by receiving the great and sought after "1-Hour Leave" card. The card is gifted to those that fight between competitors until your opposition is vanquished. Once your opposition is beaten to a pulp, bloody and bruised (in the case that this is you) you will return to your desk immediately without aid or attention.
Work Approval and Reward System:
#7. All finalized work must be submitted to me before Midnight of each day. With my stamp of approval, you will be given a quarter glass of water as a tasty refreshment and reward for all of your beautiful and painstaking efforts.
In abiding by these rules I can almost assure both the Community and Bungie that I will have done a great deed for both parties in bringing forth without delay one of the greatest IP's we've seen to date, from any game developer to-date. A modest salary of $100,000 will suffice for my organizational services and I can implement then once the command is giving... But until then, I guess Bungie will continue to just leave us in the dark.
So, any supporters?