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This topic has moved here: Subject: Halo fiction: Loyal to the End [Part One]
  • Subject: Halo fiction: Loyal to the End [Part One]
Subject: Halo fiction: Loyal to the End [Part One]
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  • Honorable Legendary Member

Sometimes starting back from square one does good...

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The wind moved the last few dead leaves on the ground. The trees naked from their leaves as winter was taking place, a beautiful mix of brown and red surrounded the area, strange alien birds whistling from afar as a figure moved.

Under a dead tree, a young soldier was lying on the ground wearing his camouflage and rifle was waiting for his target. His name was John. He knew very well that it was not a drill, but nonetheless he wanted to give his best performance to test his augmentations.

He casted his thoughts away, he was aware that even the slightest distraction would have caused him to be spotted or even worse miss his target and that would be just a waste of time and effort.
John looked through the scope to scout the base ahead; he could see a small UNSC base with fortified walls and a gate, and watchtowers in every corner the soldiers armed with standard-issue weapon and gear. John peered through his memories; his target was a rogue officer that secretly gave out information to the rebels.

Hours passed and it was evening, John was not moving, he knew that the slightest movement would have made him noticeable by the radars within the base and it would have taken just a matter of minutes that a small squad would investigate.

~

Suddenly a car came from down the road; John did not miss a moment and peered through his rifles scope. He saw the target inside the car, and the soldier readied his weapon, waiting for the right moment to shoot.
The car stopped at the gate, the driver gave an ID card to the guard there. John readied his rifle, aiming for the officer's head when suddenly the rebels attacked the base. The soldier just observed how the rebels threw Molotovs and used old weapons to overtake the guards, the officer used the few moments to get out of the car and shot towards the rebels, just to die by a Molotov that was threw on him.
Puzzled John used the chaotic moment to confirm the officer's death, he slipped through the forest as it was getting darker and he re-activated his headset after he was a safe distance from the base. "This is John-117, reporting, the target is dead. He was killed by a rebel attack.' After some moments and a few cracking sounds a reply came from a feminine voice "This is Flag Base. Please repeat. Did you say that rebels took out the target?' John stopped and kneeled behind a tree. "Yes. The rebels took out the target.' After a few more puzzling moments, the operator answered. "Good work soldier. You now have to proceed to the extraction point. Escort arrival ETA five minutes. Flag Base out.' John was stunned "The rebels took out the target. Something is wrong.' However, there was no reply from the operator. "Nothing takes five minutes!' John said as he looked at the darkened sky and ran towards the extraction point.

The soldier arrived at the extraction point at three minutes, but he had to wait about seven until the escort came. The pelican was flying low to avoid detection, it landed close to John, and the soldier walked towards the door. When the door opened, Mendez came out.

John saluted towards the officer, but Mendez moved his hand, telling John to stop the formalities. Mendez looked around and glared towards John's eyes. "Good work, soldier, we now have to go back to base for your report.' John stayed silent for a few brief moments and opened his mouth. "Sir, the rebels took out the target.' Mendez looked back at John for a few moments. "What is your point, soldier? The mission is complete.' Mendez said in annoyed voice, John quickly glared at the officer. "Sir, the mission detailed that he was working with the rebels, why would the rebels take out one of their comrades at arms?' John asked with an assured voice, he did not want to show weakness in front of the officer, Mendez merely looked back at the soldier as he gestured the pelican driver to ready the pelican. "They are rebels. Chaotic and fight only for their greed. They are against all we fight and stand for. It is normal that they betray one another.' John silently nodded; he would not argue with the officer and entered in the pelican as the door closed.

  • 02.13.2012 6:34 AM PDT

The tide is turning, brothers! Let us take our kingdom back!

Well hai there. Looking good so far, but you could use a little more description, and there are a few sentences strewn in there that seem a bit out of touch; could you try giving them room to breathe? Have a good look over it, and see if you can spruce it up a bit.

But, good job! Moar please!

[Edited on 02.16.2012 10:17 PM PST]

  • 02.16.2012 10:09 PM PDT