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Subject: How to make a Peanut Butter Sandwich (ADVANCED TUTORIAL)

Epic stories All day

AND JELLY DON'T FORGET JELLY SANDWICH.

CHAPTER 1: INGREDIENTS NEEDED
Peanut Butter
Jelly
Bread
Something to spread peanut butter and jelly onto bread

CHAPTER 2: FIXING THE SANDWICH
First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide and inferior sandwich. You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn't bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

CHAPTER 3: FORMING THE PBJ SANDWICH
Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in a jelly face outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The side with the peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. Which the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else on slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

CHAPTER 4 : EATING THE SANDWICH
Next, you must take a bite of the sandwich. This action will consist of moving the sandwich within a close proximity of your face that a small "bite" of the sandwich with your mouth for you to mash up with your teeth. This bite must be a bite that includes both slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly. Make sure all obstructions are clear from the mouth and esophagus, not including peanut butter, jelly or bread, or any combination of said ingredients. If you have followed all previous steps, this goal will be easily accomplished. Not doing so will create an incorrect and inferior dining experience and thus will not be a peanut and butter sandwich that is being eaten. However, if one successfully gets both peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be considered complete and unobjectionable, you must perform the previously mentioned series of taking bites of the sandwich, chewing them, and swallowing them repeatedly until the entire sandwich has been removed visible existence.

Chapter 5 : FINAL RULES OF EATING A PBJ SANDWICH COMPLETELY
These circumstances may only be reached by eating the entire sandwich, and no parts of the sandwich may be thrown away or given to somebody else. This is your sandwich, and your responsibility. For the Dining experience to be completed, the sandwich must be completely digested. In the context of completing the process of consuming a legitimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there are no extenuating circumstances. Actions such as vomiting, surgical removal of the sandwich from the body, or placement of the sandwich inside the lungs opposed to the esophagus will not be taken into account, as they do not result in the complete digestion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

CHAPTER 6 : THE FINAL CONCLUSION TO THE PBJ SANDWICH
After COMPLETELY Following the tutorial above you have accomplished the process of COMPLETELY Fixing,Forming,And eating a sandwich. Great Job!

[Edited on 08.19.2012 3:29 AM PDT]

  • 08.19.2012 1:54 AM PST

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

  • 08.19.2012 1:55 AM PST

Wake me, when you need me.

wat



The first ever instruction manual on making a PBJ sandwich, and it is written on the flood. Boys, I am honored to be here.

  • 08.19.2012 1:57 AM PST

NOOBS RULE PRO's SUCK

I can't wait to eat this sandwich
Great TUT!!

  • 08.19.2012 1:58 AM PST
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Sup.

Wow thanks!
I was looking for a tutorial like this.

  • 08.19.2012 1:59 AM PST

Allons-y!

Thoasting in epic pread.

  • 08.19.2012 2:01 AM PST

I shall save this thread for future generations, so they too can know how to make a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

  • 08.19.2012 2:04 AM PST

Did... I actually just save this thread?

  • 08.19.2012 2:10 AM PST

Thank you OP for a wonderful step by step guide to a extremely complex process that requires high amounts of mathematical and scientific knowledge that not even today's scientists can solve. You are the Albert Einstein of our generation OP.

  • 08.19.2012 2:10 AM PST


Posted by: St33l Bu11et
Thank you OP for a wonderful step by step guide to a extremely complex process that requires high amounts of mathematical and scientific knowledge that not even today's scientists can solve. You are the Albert Einstein of our generation OP.


Yes this is a mighty sight to behold.

[Edited on 08.19.2012 2:16 AM PDT]

  • 08.19.2012 2:16 AM PST
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Your sentence structure got worse the further I progressed, but still, I give you an A for effort and relative comprehensiveness.

  • 08.19.2012 2:18 AM PST

**Devil's advocate of the Flood. My posts may or may not represent my personal opinion, I just enjoy disagreeing with people. None of my posts are representative of the official view of the Navy or any government agency.

Non Sibi Sed Patriae
Homework questions? Forget the Flood, join The Academy.
I've got a fan!

Improved PB&J: The TBPB&J (Toasted Bacon Peanut Butter & Jelly)

1. Make bacon
2. Butter bread
3. Toast bread
4. Apply peanut butter to one slice of bread
5. Place bacon on peanut butter side
6. Spread jelly on the other slice of bread
7. Combine pieces of bread
8. Shove in mouth

  • 08.19.2012 2:19 AM PST


Posted by: Facts
Wow thanks!
I was looking for a tutorial like this.


Holy Shet! this is facts approved.
Saved.

[Edited on 08.19.2012 2:22 AM PDT]

  • 08.19.2012 2:21 AM PST

I find you rather shallow and pedantic.

Thread saved - I am honoured to post in this thread.

  • 08.19.2012 2:23 AM PST

Stupid ass washing machine...

Do you mean jam?

  • 08.19.2012 2:24 AM PST
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seems like i have been fixing my sandwiches wrong all this time
Thread Saved.

  • 08.19.2012 2:30 AM PST
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Sup.


Posted by: Firefox07

Posted by: Facts
Wow thanks!
I was looking for a tutorial like this.


Holy Shet! this is facts approved.
Saved.

I should start posting that:
"Approved by me"
-Facts

Or something like that...

  • 08.19.2012 2:31 AM PST

What's up with all the -blam!-ing negativity?
Stop it.

Member of KOTOR

Keer-Meet
God of Destruction

It took me many attempts to make a PBJ sandwich untill I found this. It's alot harder then it seems. Thanks for this OP!

  • 08.19.2012 2:33 AM PST
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KiLo SiErRa 13

I know this is an egg salad sandwich tutorial
But its close enough to making the best god damn PBJ sandwich you ever ate in your life.

  • 08.19.2012 2:34 AM PST
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Posted by: Facts

Posted by: Firefox07

Posted by: Facts
Wow thanks!
I was looking for a tutorial like this.


Holy Shet! this is facts approved.
Saved.

I should start posting that:
"Approved by me"
-Facts

Or something like that...



Even though your facts i don't a sig would go good with every post you make.

  • 08.19.2012 2:38 AM PST
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Very informative, university lecture level stuff. Thread saved for when i need to know how to make a PBJ sandvich.

  • 08.19.2012 2:39 AM PST
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Sup.


Posted by: epicusername

Posted by: Facts

Posted by: Firefox07

Posted by: Facts
Wow thanks!
I was looking for a tutorial like this.


Holy Shet! this is facts approved.
Saved.

I should start posting that:
"Approved by me"
-Facts

Or something like that...



Even though your facts i don't a sig would go good with every post you make.

Yea. Or maybe only on things that need approval.

  • 08.19.2012 2:44 AM PST
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I didn't know how serious you were about this. But a perfect sandwich is a perfect sandwich.

  • 08.19.2012 2:52 AM PST

The definition of "insanity" is: Doing the exact, same -blam!- thing, over and over again, expecting -blam!- to change. That is "crazy".

Also, I make pone wellpoopers.
http://clueless313.deviantart.com/

Did I ever tell you the definition of "insanity"?

what if my bread doesnt have any white parts?????
help PLEASE!!

  • 08.19.2012 2:55 AM PST

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