- Gnoizic
- |
- Exalted Heroic Member
Unofficial Thread Killer/Combo-breaker.
I'm just stalling on homework, so why not, right? Installing a TL;DR at the bottom for the quick "moral to the story." Because I write a ton when not wanting to do homework.
I officially met this girl in ninth grade, though she looked familiar. Turned out she'd been going to my church a couple of years, but until high school she was reluctant to show up for things on youth nights. And we went to opposite Sunday services. She was cute; Brown hair, sweet girl, and IM(then)O, flawless except for the braces, which were coming off in December, and I didn't mind 'em anyway.
Semester goes on, we're in marching band together and she starts going to church stuff. I see her at least six times a week, and we talk all the time. I'm an idiot at this time and don't realize that a pretty girl is talking to me. A lot. I just figured we were hitting it off as friends, she'd never want to date me.
Semester is coming to a close. Her friends start asking "Do you like Rachel?" I honestly forgot her name for a bit, and had to think about who they were talking about. As I thought about it, I realized that I was leaning that way. Figured out she liked me too, all from that interchange. We went to California on band trip, I spent most of the time with her. Couldn't date by a parental "law" of "no girlfriend until you're 16." We did the Valentine's thing (the only time I've ever seen her dressed so nicely for a regular school day). Learned to swing dance after band on some days. I walked her to class. Never asked her out, I was 15. Kept walking her to classes. She got annoyed, either from seeing me all the time or because I wouldn't make a move. I didn't know. So I backed off a bit, talked to other girls and was social with more people between classes. Sat at different places at lunch, etc.
That year ends, sophomore year begins. Bigger school, no classes together, still go to the same church, still see her plenty. Homecoming is coming up, I wanna ask her, but I panic. I can't chicken out though. So I have my friend bet me that I won't do it by x-time on Friday, or I owe him $5. Friday comes along, I ask her to the dance five minutes before the deadline. She accepts. In a panic to break the awkward tension: "Sweet, I don't owe Austin $5!" She's all like "What?!" and I tell her about the bet. Dumbass move that I regret TO THIS DAY. Homecoming was okay, but awkward from that moment of asking onward. She dances with me once. It's an awkward dance, we make small talk about the song that's playing, leave room for Jesus. Then the girls in our group go off on their own, ditching the guys. The rest of the night, we just hung out at some friend's house. Dad took us back to her place. She thanked me, hugged me, and that was that.
With that flop, I picked up on another girl that I had met over the summer. We dated a while, broke up the next summer, got back together for March of my junior year, date 'til January, and then she dumps me. I'm not upset, because she just turned into a betch. That one girl though, she's there to listen to me talk about it. So's a girl in my Psych class. Quieter, but she obviously likes me. I take the girl in Psych. Purely a rebound, it definitely wasn't going anywhere. Prom comes up, a friend from church takes my longtime crush to his prom. I realize that I still like her, but I wish the guy luck. Another guy from our church takes her to my school's prom, and the jealousy starts to consume me. I'm ready to end it with the rebound girl, tell my crush how I feel. So I end it with rebound girl after school's out. Blame it on college and long distance, she's okay with that solution. But I've got another goal: finally get closure with my crush.
Summer before college goes along, we hang out a lot with friends and at church events, including mission trip. And every last one of my friends knows what my goal is, and they're pulling for me. I told everyone how I felt, except that girl. And opportunity after opportunity came. All wasted. For whatever reason, I could not, would not, pull the trigger. Hell, I got a job across the parking lot from where she worked to have an excuse to go to Sonic after work. We talked, we texted, we laughed. I stayed at her house 'til 2 AM trying to get up the guts to say something after a party. Still nothing. Summer ended. I figured college would get me over this girl
We went to college. We talked. Texted here and there. College wasn't the smorgasbord of quality women I was expecting. I still liked this girl, and I couldn't quit. Something kept tugging me back. So Valentine's Day rolled around. I had her address, so I mailed her some candy (the same I'd given to her four years before), a card, and a note explaining how I felt. Something to the affect of "Four years ago, I know you liked this. In the chance that your tastes haven't changed, happy Valentine's day." And then I went on to say that it wasn't an ultimatum; yes or no, it didn't matter, it didn't matter if I heard from her at all. My feelings were out there. She never said anything. As is typical for a no. She had lots of guys at our high school ask her out or to dances. She just avoided all of them, an obvious no and from there she tried to avoid them perpetually. So I got my closure. After a while, it wasn't awkward anymore; we talked, things were normal. Back to being friends, and we just forgot anything else happened.
She's still cute. One of the most sarcastic, but sensible girls I've ever met. Loves gaming, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, all that nerdy stuff. She's got a good head on her shoulders, never one to slut it up, go get wasted, etc. But the ship has sailed. I got my closure.
After getting over her, I met a new girl, and she's become the girl of my dreams. My high school crush gave me a standard, and a hard one to match, but this girl's every bit as cute, and every bit as fun of a nerd. Every bit as good a kid. Maybe I wasn't ever supposed to get with that one girl, but I was just supposed to find a place to set the bar.
TL;DR
If a girl likes you, and you think she's cute, jump on it then and there, or you will spend a long time wondering "What if?" before you finally can let go. And just man up and say it; don't hide behind a mask, don't pretend it's because your friends pressured you into doing it. Be confident, know what you want, and just pull the trigger. Or you'll be sitting around into your 20s, haunted by all the things you could have done differently.