- Fabled Mythic Member
Breaking In: The Community Forum.
Many of you know this entity as "A Gathering Place for The Bungie Community", and have utilized the functions of this being for years, some even almost a decade. You come here day after day, thinking nothing of your inconsiderations, and never once thinking to ask, "Hey Community Forum, how are you? What can we do for you? Cold beer, perhaps?" Well I for one couldn't bare to stand idly by while people refused to give this creature a chance to be heard and so I found time to sit down and talk with The Community Forum, to see where exactly it's thoughts are at, and it's particular feelings in regards to both events that occur and the people who come here.
So, Community Forum, why not start by telling us a little about yourself, and what it is you do here?
Well, firstly you can just call me Septagon for the time being. I mean this interview isn't that formal, is it? Otherwise I would have worn pants... Ah, okay no I wouldn't have, because pants suck. Okay, I don't own a single pair of pants. Happy? Anyway, I've been around since the early days, but back then I was a very different creature. I was smaller, but so full of potential and greatness. I would actually say things and have ideas that were entirely constructive and fresh. But that was back in 2002. I know I live in a different world now though... I feel like an old man sometimes in the early stages of Alzheimer's because it seems every five minutes I'm repeating myself, or spouting nonsensical ramblings. Hell, sometimes I even forget my real birth name, so consider it a blessing that today I'm on my A-Game. But no honestly, it's not that I'm not a fan of flowers, if just depends on what type. I'm particular about things, ok?
Hey, flowers are great. You mentioned your birth name, and as we all know that changed years back. Was this your idea? Was there a story behind it you would care to share?
Well I guess I can share. But just don't tell him I told you guys. One night after the traffic died down, I was able to catch some shut eye. So while I was all tucked away in my bed, sleeping soundly, I heard a creak outside my door coming from the floor. My door opened slowly and no one was there... I relaxed a bit assuming the wind might have just blown the door open, and being too tired I couldn't be bothered getting up to close the door. My eyes then shut once again, but before I could even fall asleep, I heard soft breathing over my bed, and this caused me to open my eyes. There I saw Achronos, and he was dressed in a ninja costume, holding a gun to my head. Why a ninja is carrying a pistol, I'll never know, but he whispered the following words, which to be honest, still give me chills to this day...
"Listen to me very closely. Tomorrow when you go into work, you will now go by the name of The Community Forum. That is the banner you shall wear. You may refer to yourself as Septagon to friends and family, but when you're at work, holding that sign. Your name is The Community Forum. You might as well just use that name from now on and forever and forget your old name, because you have no life. This place is your life. Without us, you are nothing. Tell anyone of this and I will destroy - no... I will nuke you. You heard me... Oh and by the way, I brought you a sub with no pickles on it, just the way you like it. I left it on your kitchen counter. See ya a work tomorrow buddy!"
I still have night terrors to this day. Hence the "We're shutting down tonight for maintenance."
Wow, that's some pretty intense stuff. I think I speak for all of us when I say thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us. Now all seriousness aside, what are some of your favorite perks about working here?
I get to see some pretty smart people come up with some pretty smart topics and ideas. I'm happy to be an outlet for people to connect with one another. The people within this Community and even my coworkers and bosses work hard to keep me in shape, and give me purpose. These are the things I enjoy about my job. Though when broken down mathematically, these "enjoyment" points account for about 5% of my total work intake, give or take on good day and bad days.
So you're insinuating there's a few downsides to the job, but is it really that bad? Couldn't it be worse? Why not try naming off some your pet peeves?
You know, I suppose you have a point. I guess I should be moderately happy I'm not a severed dog head stuck in a pickle jar.
But "pet peeves" you say? Hm, I suppose I could compose a small list...
"Tough guy" kids
Ninjas and their hideous text.
Employees sticking pictures on me.
"These threads should be banned" threads.
"This is what's wrong with the Community Forum" (there's nothing wrong with me you ass)
People who use me just to boost their PPD
The list goes on... Ah, but I mostly kid. What really irritates me is people acting like dicks to one another, and those few weeks were I was continuously violated by a frenzy of Dragons.
By what? Sorry, I have no clue what those are. Anyway, moving on for some more fun-oriented questions. How far would you go on a first date?
They don't call me "The Screw" for nothing.
Outstanding. Moving on, there is talk of massive change coming. How do you feel about this?
I can tell you confidently, that change is good. In fact I would welcome a fresh take or new functions within my job. But... If they try to replace me, it will be a bigger disaster than the Robocop reboot mixed with the Total Recall reboot, mixed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, with freshly squeezed fecal matter to top it off. If you were forced to look at this, I'm quite sure your eyes would start bleeding and your broken heart would explode inside your chest cavity.
Dark, but intriguing. Well I think that just about wraps it up. Septagon, thank you kindly for your time and I'm sure we look forward to hearing from you again.
Yeah, uhh don't worry about calling me. I'll call you. I promise...
Well, there you have it folks! I Hope you all enjoyed reading through such an inspiring story and tellings of a day in the life and feelings behind The Community Forum.
[Edited on 10.18.2012 5:01 PM PDT]