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The Official Crap List
This is a list of the different variations of dumps you can achieve. Will add more if you guys can come up with better suggestions!
The Ghost.
>The kind where you feel it come out, see it on the toilet paper, but there's nothing in the bowl.
The Clean One
> The kind where you feel it come out, see it in the bowl, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
The Wet
>You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels un-wiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skidmarks.
The Second Wave
> This -blam!- happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to go again.
The Brain Hemorrhage through your Nose
>Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead." You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Lincoln Log
>The kind that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Notorious Drinker
> The kind of crap you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The Almost
>The kind where you want to go, but even after straining your guts out, all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
Mr Wet Cheeks
> Also known as the "Power Dump." The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid
>The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, burns your tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Crap
>A class all its own.
The Crowd Pleaser
> A crap that is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer
> Occurring after a lengthy period of constipation, this crap allows you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
>This occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book of Records Crap
>A -blam!- so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock
>This has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The Groaner
>A crap so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater
> Characterized by its floatability, this -blam!- has been known to resurface after many flushings.
The Ranger
>A -blam!- that refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom
>Appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Pebble Dasher
>An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't -blam!-.
The Power Dump
>The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.
The Porridge Dump
>The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
What's your favourite?
[Edited on 12.06.2012 3:33 PM PST]