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Subject: Inbox Gold
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"I know not what weapons World War III will be fought with, but I do know that World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."

-Albert Einstein


Posted by: Dont pass gass
I was going through my messages and viewing all the ban messages I have received and I realized something. I was annoying as -blam!-. The threads that I made were terrible, my replies were even worse, and I'm not even going to start on my grammar. In a nut shell I was a poopy head.


Those feels mate.

  • 12.12.2012 10:26 PM PDT

Ach! Was ist los?

From a recently permabanned user:
Greetings, Bob.

I wish to inform you that I recently received a ban message from you and that I have read it in full. I do find your lack of humor disturbing; however, I also wish to inform you that I appreciate your effort in ensuring that my ban is lifted before the end of the world so that I may rejoin this community while we are all still alive.

I would also like to point out that I do not recall seeing your posts before. To that end, I am presuming that you are new to the team, and I would like to welcome you to the Bungie.net Forum Ninja Team. I am quite sure that you will enjoy your stay here and will continue to deal out justice to those who do not follow the rules of Bungie.net. I promise that you will not regret it, and I do suggest you befriend [REDACTED] (nicknamed [REDACTED]) and [REDACTED], as both of these moderators are the type who are well known and therefore good to be on friendly terms with and have on your side.

I would also like to advise you that on the Flood, there are many people who create threads which blatantly break the rules, and are oftentimes quite annoying. To that end I would highly recommend that you spend the majority of your moderating time on the Flood. However, it would also be wise to check the Reach forum from time to time, as flame wars between Reach fanboys and players who prefer the originals tend to break out fairly often.

I would also like to warn you about [REDACTED], as he can be pretty harsh and therefore you do want to stay on his good side if you wish to retain your position as a moderator. Also, if you ever need a friendly helping hand, go to [REDACTED], he is very nice. He also [DOES STUFF]. He is quite loved by the Flood, even though [REDACTED] is kind of hated, and [REDACTED] is seen as a sort of manaical dictator, with [REDACTED] as his henchman of sorts. Also watch for the Septagon logo by forum threads, it indicates that a Bungie employee has posted in that thread so it might be worth a read and is sure to become a hot topic very very quickly!

I very sincerely hope that you take all of my advice to heart and that your new position on the forum staff team goes very well. I would again like to thank you for ensuring that my ban expires before the end of the world. And I would also like to remind you that [REDACTED] is a pretty awesome guy.

Lastly, I would just like to close with a warning: The end is very near, but it's not a bad thing. The zionists who try to control everything are losing power, and the end is not only the end, but also a new beginning. When that time comes we will all be able to enjoy Halo in peace together.

Thank you for your contributions to Bungie.net.

With love,

[REDACTED]

  • 12.12.2012 10:33 PM PDT

Owning Noobs Since 05

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

Jim Harkins

Posted by: BobBQ
What was the joke?

  • 12.12.2012 10:43 PM PDT

Besides the death threats and the ones related to sex stuff sent by weirdos... no not really.

[Edited on 12.13.2012 12:06 AM PST]

  • 12.13.2012 12:06 AM PDT


Posted by: XGO MONSTROUS
Any of you folks remember this little Gem?

Subject: help me

Kat gets Sniped,
Jorge and Carter Commit Suicide,
and Emile gets stabbed by an elite.
THEY ALL DIE
9 CHAPTERS
CAPTAIN KEYES IS IN IT
AT THE END YOU SEE THE FIRST CUTSCENE TO HALO ONE

HAHAH SPOILED : )


Lol. I got the exact same message. I even reported it to Recon I think at the time.

  • 12.13.2012 12:12 AM PDT

Posted by: BobBQ

...I'm lost for words. It's almost beautiful.

Almost.

  • 12.13.2012 12:15 AM PDT



3/5/12
yummy peanut butter with spider legs and maccas burgers with rats mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!


I don't remember how i ended up getting this message...
Pretty sure unprovoked...


10/31/2012

there are billion of germs, not 19 or 52! WE need you. I have been watching your posts and thay are quality. PLease join us!

What?

  • 12.13.2012 1:09 AM PDT
  •  | 
  • Honorable Legendary Member
  • gamertag: Koolen
  • user homepage:

O o
/¯_____________________
| BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!
\_¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ;¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ¯


your a little less then 3 days time played from the target locater and your magnum haha such a cheater


I.. what?

  • 12.13.2012 1:27 AM PDT

I'm 23, I have a house, dog, girlfriend, job and I have no interest in any fanboyism so if you're thinking about sending me a childish PM, don't be surprised when I don't call back.

In 09 someone got beat in matchmaking and sent me a few rage messages so I told him to grow up and said that he was blocked, He then messaged me on Bnet carrying on his little rage attack.

I lol'd.

  • 12.13.2012 4:55 AM PDT

You look around.You fire your weapon before you realize.
Its just me. I fall and you walk up. You cry why.
When i pop up. You look at me in wonder. I say,"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL."
You bend to my will and go to a cliff, walk off, and fall.
The last thing you hear is me stating as fact,"All will fail the battle of life, you just went early"

The funniest message I've ever recieved would be very inappropriate for this forum.

I'll post it like BobBQ did with the names.


I will cause your [REDACTED] to burst because of the sweat and [REDACTED] that will be oozing out of my [REDACTED]. I'll just softly tap into your [REDACTED], however it will slowly develop into a ram as he [REDACTED] repeatedly while you have blood dripping out of his stretched [REDACTED]. And then, I shall [REDACTED] with a grand mixture of my [REDACTED] and your [REDACTED] as you lose total bowel control due to the intensity of your [REDACTED] being mashed up by my [REDACTED].


Fun fact: I was hard while I was typing this.


[Edited on 12.13.2012 6:09 AM PST]

  • 12.13.2012 6:04 AM PDT

Dubito ergo cogito, cogito ergo sum ©
Halo 3 Longshore playable on Team Fortress 2 vids

Here's my personal favorite;

Subject: re: 1 Second Ban Notice




Qbix89

Master Forum Ninja
Sent: 11/20/2011



-Blam!- MY MYTHIC TITLE YOU GIANT -Blam!- GO DIE IMA REPORT YOU TO ACHRONOS
<3<3<3

  • 12.13.2012 7:12 AM PDT

Posted by: WolfmanMaverick
You people have just sent my sides into orbit. A bunch of MLG try hards sucking the dick of some supposed pro half the thread hasn't even heard of. Classic.

Here is one of the many screwed up pm's I have been a part of.

  • 12.13.2012 3:51 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
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Just a meatspin spam

  • 12.13.2012 4:16 PM PDT

Ninja Edit: Nope.

[Edited on 12.13.2012 5:14 PM PST by True Underdog]

  • 12.13.2012 4:24 PM PDT

Posted by: Enormous Corgi
Posted by: Unanimate Objec
There's no way Nate Hawbaker's favorite hero is Alan Stuart


ALAN IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN!


Posted by: ????


You're an inanimate -blam!-in' object!



Hahaha this was when someone used the term "Inanimate Object" in a sentence. Naturally, I corrected them and I received this for my troubles.

  • 12.13.2012 4:28 PM PDT

deviantART

Hello.

Cleared my inbox last year, so I don't have anything good anymore.

  • 12.13.2012 4:29 PM PDT
  • gamertag: ankerd
  • user homepage:

Bringing in Fikst. Bringing back lmao.
Inheritor # 475 world,

#6 In the Country.

Halocharts.com


Posted by: EDOET
The only messages that are sent to me are ban messages. :[

  • 12.13.2012 4:32 PM PDT

Posted by: Enormous Corgi
Posted by: Unanimate Objec
There's no way Nate Hawbaker's favorite hero is Alan Stuart


ALAN IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN!

TITLE: Mailsack Challenges...?


Sent: "DeeJ, please some time and read this short message I've cooked up for you.

It's not creepy...


Or is it?


Huzzah!




Response: DeeJ:

"I'm glad to see you live such a full life".



Made me giggle.

  • 12.13.2012 4:39 PM PDT

Math rules the world.

This one was amusing.


I don't understand the question. Can you ask again using different words? And, can one of them be "intrepid"?

  • 12.13.2012 5:09 PM PDT

Cammalamm is the best.

External Links-
>My Photobucket page
>My Twitter account

Just a few of the interesting once. I have 79 pages.
Joy of life snacks save us all.
Since we are one I'll share.
Using the power of creation I manifest for bungie a blender/slurpee machine so their drinks stay smooth, and daily 20 bottles of sangria, 5 big bottles of agave nectar, and 500 lbs frozen strawberries so they can drink virgins all day as they write words that create worlds and crawl towards world domination.

Im still banned to my own b-net with automation and limited human contact till I'm trained not to fly of the NDA handle aren't I?
Another part of the secret projet that keeps me from saying more deals with the whole rampancy thing.

So, yeah that why all those chief copies duke it out and trying to find out who chief is the storyline behind that. Chief, Chief, Whose the chief.
ONI log excerpt I stole:
" There are too many!"
" Lets just copy ONYX send them all there and let them fight it out."
"What if they team up? Last thing I wanna deal with is an army of 'Ultrakill' rated Spartans...all with chiefs experience, and a personal Cortana..."
"Stop shaking. We want that."
"What?"
"Your forgetting who were up against."
Don't you know? I got teleported of Reach in that white flash same as Johnson of installatin 04. Got sent to ONI HQ. Its all VERY hush hush. They new they needed help from somewhere in New Mombasa. My armor was fried and we wanted discretion so to go in secret I went in as "ROOKIE."

  • 12.13.2012 8:27 PM PDT

Obligatory wat


dry those tears soldier, spartans only weep blood until the augmentations cement

from then on out things are a lot more fun

until your team gets scattered to the wind...


  • 12.13.2012 8:33 PM PDT

You've been on the mother [] shanedawson.jpg army []list far too long.

Now that we're partnered with the Pooptickler Army, you're going down you c[]sucker.


Apfelmus ist wirklich kalt und dein Gesicht ist wie ein sheeps Boden und am Himmel geprägt ist eine Mischung aus blau rot und grün, statt nur blaue große Hunde bellen richtig laut und eine flie gerade gelandet auf meiner Nase, aber keine Sorge ich aß es vor es tat etwas wierd wie Furz oder etwas mit Senf gewürzt Luft. Abschied

You're cool.

  • 12.13.2012 9:07 PM PDT

You better close this sig when your done.

DUDE JUST GO TO YOUR PROFILE AND GO TO EDIT SETTINGS AND GO TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE AND IT SAYS USE HALO 3 MODEL AND CLICK ON IT AND BAM YOU AVE YOUR MODEL AS YOUR PICTURE
...And that is how I learned how to do that.

Subject:Post here if you want Bungie to bring Grifball back!
Oh really, where does it say that?

oh crap.
Not sure what I said to him. Probably something about grifball though.

  • 12.13.2012 9:37 PM PDT

Was the person who sent you that named Stark? I can see myself PMing someone that.

Posted by: Make117
Sent: 11/24/2010
Yeah i got banned for no reason, on my other account.
If i was a ninja this would be a better place.


lmao, "if I was a ninja this would be a better place."

  • 12.13.2012 9:54 PM PDT

Vote for me for a free cookie.

Hello
my name is miss ..... a single girl in search of friendship after reading about you i derive interest to knowing about you Please write me at my private email contact

I got that about last year. It was a good laugh. She also attached an email.

Removed her name and email address for her privacy.

  • 12.13.2012 9:56 PM PDT

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