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I was looking out into the rain today as I typed my English report up. It was a report about me. It brought back painful memories of rejection... of love. The love started with a girl of such beautiful hair that I could only ask to leave class to rub one off in the restroom to keep myself from touching her. The pain started here http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=40043506&p ostRepeater1-p=1.
I am 15 now but seperated from my love by a restraining order and the several grades that I was held back from while I was in juvy pondering my life and how my love rejected me. The day we were supposed to kiss, the day that hair could be mine was the day that everything would change. They had to tear me off her and the police had to handcuff and mace me just to stop me but nothing can stop the power of love.
When I was sent away all I could think about was her. My therapist had urged me to move on and to put my love into something else... someone else. That was how I came to love Carl. He was my bunkmate and was put in for sexsual assualt and public indecency. He would wear nothing by leather assless chaps and was a true ladies man. He hung out with all the women and said that the man who charged him for -blam!- made all of that up becuase he was secretly in love with him, much like my girl was secretly in love with me.
We would make money together. We would sell our bodies to other boys and pick the hairs that got stuck in our -blam!-'s out in order to make dolls of women, of her, in order to sell to Carl's old biker gang so we could use the money to bribe the warder to somehow get our sentences shortened. We managed to raise enough money to shorten mine but not his. By the end of those wonderful years, we could fit bowling balls up our asses.
I was released before him and his sentenced was extended due several other men who were in love with him claiming to also have been raped by him. I was to go home, back to my transgender father/mother who told me that I did good in showing that feminist her place. I just missed Carl.
I later got over that when I saw her again. Her hair had grown even longer. It would sweep the floor where her magnificent foot hair had graced. The hair on her back was much thicker as well. I had not known that perfection could get any better.
The restraning order means I have to keep my distance though my loved burns strong for her. She is also in high-school while I still have to finish middle school. I feel that there is no way to get her now.
I believe she would still accept me if I were to confront her and remind her of all the great times I had with her (or at least with those sweet smelling, greasy dolls). I just wonder how I can get past the law, get past my class, get past the past and show here that my love is true so that she may learn make me hate her once more and let me have her hair to hold and to eat.
Please tell me what to do. The first time I received advice from you guys, I felt elated and when it failed I knew it was my fault. Now, I am a man and not some stupid, love-struck 12-year-old boy and I can finally perfect whatever advice you give to me.