If I haven't fired you yet, it's because I'm still firing your mom in bed.
Me: What's this white stuff on the floor?
Her: Oh, I dropped a sauce packet and it splattered everywhere.
Me: You should clean that up before people walk in it and smear it everywhere.
Her: No. You lick it up.
Me: Pfff, that's YOUR job
Her: I will hit you.
Me: You can't tell me what to do; you're not my wife!
Her: Not yet.
Me: oh sh-