- Leafie
- |
- Honorable Member
Be not afraid, for the forest nymphs have taught me how to pleasure a women.
Some of you may have seen my other thread...and saw that the past few days have not been kind to me.
I'm changing this -blam!-.
I need help. Like real help.
I've decided to work out my character flaws.
The first one, is motivation.
How do you stay motivated, even when pressed with impossible odds/hopelessness.
Up until this past quarter, I thought my motivation levels were good, but now I see they're not as high as I want them to be. I've been accepting mediocre and I'm tired of that -blam!-. How do I motivate myself to become exceptional? I'm tired of being average. Especially because when you're average, then on a bad day/time, you're below average. I mean the reason I'm not a good student at school is that I can't force myself to sit down and study a subject that I don't like, even though I know it's crucial for me to get at least decent grades. Now because of that, my parents may pull me from school. I understand their reasoning, but it's crazy to me that even with that in my face, I still can't just sit my ass down and do what needs to be done just because "it's not my favorite/strong subject".
The second is in relationships. Now calm down...this part isn't entirely about girls. Some of you may be reading this going "Well why the -blam!- did you come to the internet. Talk to your friends." That's the thing. I have friends. A -blam!- ton of friends...but few that would consider me a true friend, and few that I myself consider true friends. I've always seen people in my life as somewhat disposable. Not that I use them, but that I never really ever get too emotionally attached to someone. I thought that was a good thing. I never saw it as something that hurt me. But now, when I find myself in trouble and in need of someone to talk to, I feel like I don't have that many places to turn. And by that, I mean I only expressed myself to one person, and even then, I was hesitant about it. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of not being close to people/understanding them emotionally.
This goes in hand with relationships. I've never been able to have a solid real relationship, partially because of the above, that I just don't get emotionally attached/close to people, so it's difficult for me to get going to start a relationship, but also because of other reasons. Firstly, I don't really know how to flirt well, or how to gauge/understand if someone is interested in me. I mean, there's someone that I'm interested in right now. But I don't know if she's interested in me or not. And I don't know how to gauge/start that. And it's not like there's anything wrong with me. Quite the contrary. I'm not bad looking, I mean I know I'm not extraordinarily good looking, but I'm not bad at all. I have a -blam!- ton of hobbies/interests that it seems would normally help me when it comes to having people be interested in me. I'm working on a rescue certification for diving, I'm known by those around as one of the best musicians, I have extensive martial arts training, people have told me I'm one of the best cooks they know(I won hands down a cooking competition between quite a few people), I'm a solid bartender, I'm funny, and I have a solid sense of fashion for both men and women(I've been dragged clothes shopping by many of my female friends). But I can't seem to get out of being in the -blam!- friend zone.
My next flaw is physically. I'm not fat at all. I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat/chubby either. I'm not muscular/ripped, but I'm starting to get muscles. But I can't seem to motivate myself to workout. This is really bad too, because since I started diving, I found my dream is to become a Combat Diver in the Army. This is special forces. I'm not stupid. I need to be in peak physical state to even have a shot to become a Combat Diver. And it seems that I have everything. I'm a natural shot with guns(my friends in the military tell me that I'd get a marksman rating on both pistol and rifle, even though I've never had any formal teaching or anything with guns...it just seems to come natural to me), I speak Farsi, I'm working on Chinese, and after that I plan on learning Russian. I mean, it seems to me like I'm set mentally, but I can't motivate myself physically. It bugs me too cause when I was a kid, hell even to last year, I was fat. Now I'm finally at a point where I'm becoming healthy, and I have a real dream to work for, and I can't even motivate myself for my dream. I mean I could understand if I don't become a combat diver because I can't pass the class/tests, but to not be able to even try to achieve my dream because I can't motivate myself to work out. I guess this is again related to the first point.
So Flood I know it's the internet...and it's the flood, and I wrote a book...but anyone have any real advice for me?