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  • Subject: A story(yet to be named)
Subject: A story(yet to be named)

Rabid

Just a word of warning, this is not for the light hearted. This first part is kinda sad.

To start off,my main goal for this story was to give the reader both sides of the story. While the antagonist may seem unpredictable, angry and merciless at first, you will later on begin to find out his side of the story, some may even feel sorry for him. While it is not done, any feedback would be appreciated, positive or negative.

" I'm home" Alison's husband, John shouted. He was an obese,dirty man. He had been down at the bar, now drunk, and the stench of beer wafted around the house. "Where the hells my dinner!" he boomed. Alison came from the living room. She was the only one that worked, down at the coal mines. Her husband just drank at the bar. "Start my damn dinner, or by god I will divorce you and take MY house and MY money" he shouted. Of course, it was blatantly obvious it wasn't his house or money. Alison worked all day to support them. None of that mattered though. He would get it if they divorced one way or the other. Alison found it was easier just to live with it.

John was a charm in his younger days. He would always bring home flowers. Then he snapped when his brother died. He had been angry ever since. Beatings were common in this house. The neighbours could do nothing about it. That's because they didn't know. It often happened down in the basement. She was gagged, and then often hit. "If you ever tell anyone I'll divorce you and throw you into the ocean," he yelled at her after each beating. Though each night, after coming home from work, it was often that Alison could hear the crying behind the closed bedroom door. Even though it had happened 2 years ago, he had not gotten over it. Who would? It was his brother. His best friend.

  • 12.21.2012 4:59 AM PDT

The world is full of mysteries, and shares too few of the answers required. An example of which, is how did I end up in the Brute Zone?

I like it. It is emotional, and I like that it features strong topics including violence. You know, without being an erotic novel.

>.>
<.<

  • 12.21.2012 5:12 AM PDT
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Posted by: Qbix89
Talking about Sweden is an ultrabannable offense.

Posted by: Achronos
Too bad being completely and utterly wrong isn't a bannable offense.

Two paragraphs does not a story make.

  • 12.21.2012 5:14 AM PDT

Rabid


Posted by: Conster 110
I like it. It is emotional, and I like that it features strong topics including violence. You know, without being an erotic novel.

>.>
<.<


Thank you, i am planning on adding a twist. Any ideas?

  • 12.21.2012 5:15 AM PDT

Rabid


Posted by: Garshne
Two paragraphs does not a story make.


I said it isn't finished... and what you said makes no sense.

  • 12.21.2012 5:16 AM PDT
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call it: The hobbit with a small penor.

  • 12.21.2012 5:17 AM PDT
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Posted by: Qbix89
Talking about Sweden is an ultrabannable offense.

Posted by: Achronos
Too bad being completely and utterly wrong isn't a bannable offense.

Posted by: Pop Rocket
Posted by: Garshne
Two paragraphs does not a story make.


I said it isn't finished... and what you said makes no sense.
Makes sense if Yoda you are, mmm.

  • 12.21.2012 5:18 AM PDT