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Yeah I know guys, this whole thing of posting it on the flood is stupid and I know that most of you won't even read it but I really got no better thing to do at 3 am so might as well.
So if any of you still remember that thread that I made where it was... I'll just sum it up quickly, I met a girl that I really enjoyed spending time with but wanted to cut ties with her, in the end I decided not to and whatnot and there was no problem.
We talked pretty much everyday through skype or FB
So now with the xmas break I got a phone and we started basically started talking almost exclusively through texting, everyday so far.
And then on one day, we went out and we hung out with a couple of her friends, they were cool and all. And after her friends left, we went to some place and like always, we held each other closely, bit each other playfully, kissed each other on the neck and cheeks and lots of eskimo kisses and -blam!- and then we kissed each other and from there it became like almost an hour long make out session.
When I went to take her to her house there was no awkward air or anything, she just said she didn't want a relationship and then we actually started discussing how and why we started making out, and then she said that wouldn't happen again.
Next day, we go out again, go to some other place. Basically the exact same thing happened. We couldn't keep our lips separated. It was like I don't even know, we started wondering what is this that we have between us, she says that it's chemistry and I agreed. We have chemistry, we just do.
So after I take her home and return back she says to me that she regrets being in the position from where she could hurt me, I asked why and she tells me that there is someone she cares more for, in fact loves. Her ex, he saved her from suicide and was always a great guy even though they were together twice before, so I get really pissed off, whatever and then I calm down and whatnot, she always explicitly tells me and told me that she wants us to be friends and that she cares for me a lot.
So we went out several other times, we didn't get another long make out session but there were several kisses and short bursts of making out and whatnot. I've told her several times that we have to make a decision between 2 options:
1. We just part ways
2. We try to suppress our emotions and just be friends
I don't want either quite frankly, I really like her, she's a great friend but I also don't want to ignore my instinct and feelings.
Sure there is the option where we let our feelings take control and just see where that takes us but she doesn't want that but I do.
So we never took any of those options but before today I've never really known her thing with her ex aside from the fact that he pulled her away from in front of a truck, she wanted to kill herself basically and he prevented that.
Today I found out a bit more about him simply because now I know who exactly he is and what's between them. So apparently, they BOTH want to be with each other and I really see no logic not to be. They don't live too far away from each other according to her.
So we were at the mall with a friend of hers and we walked past these 2 dudes, one of whom I recognized from FB and when we walked past them, he did a 180 degree head turn towards her. He walked up to her and whatever, they talked for like 2 minutes, she came back to us and we continued walking and whatnot.
Her facial expression looked so damn... preoccupied.
When we left the mall she said that she felt scared and worried that she crossed paths with him while with me and whatnot. It disturbed me a little but didn't quite "hurt" me.
So whatever I tell her to forget about me and be with him, she says that she doesn't want to forget about me nor can she. I ask her why she wants to be with him and she says that she loves him and he never hurt her in any way, sounds like bull-blam!- but whatever.
So what should I do guys? We really do have chemistry, we really have a lot in common, we're both attracted to each other, we like the same kind of music, you'd think that this would be enough. She gets emotional all the time when we talk about this -blam!-.
I know most of you won't read this but whatever. I don't really care, it's here for those that want to help me.
I needed to vent it out.