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This topic has moved here: Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?
  • Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?
Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

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Some of you may know that Mrs Charlie and I are adopting. Well, we got an email from the birth mom a few days ago, and it looks like she is hitting us up for money. Now, to be fair, she is pretty poor. That's one of the reasons she is putting this child up for adoption.

So, she sends this email, and now we don't know what to do. The law states we can't make any payment directly to her, as that could be taken as us purchasing a baby, instead of adopting it. Do we have any responsibility to her beyond what the law and our agreement with the adoption agency states?

I am talking morally, not legally.

  • 01.05.2013 11:55 PM PDT

"What is better - to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"
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I don't think it is morally right for her to ask for money when she knows it is illegal.

  • 01.05.2013 11:57 PM PDT

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I wouldn't see why you have a responsibility...you're already promising to raise her child for the rest of his/her life. Seems like you're doing them a huge favor already.

You should tell her it's inappropriate to ask for money when it's against the law.

[Edited on 01.05.2013 11:58 PM PST]

  • 01.05.2013 11:57 PM PDT
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Posted by: DecepticonCobra

We are all going to get banned aren't we?

Clearly buying a human isn't morally correct.

  • 01.05.2013 11:58 PM PDT

"Living to smile, and not to succeed; smiling to inspire happiness, not to give the illusion you are happy; creativity and music to inspire smiling, which in turn inspires happiness; being nice to be happy, not for being perceived a good person."

Does she list the reason why she needs the money, exactly?

But I'd say you shouldn't risk the kid over something like this. It might not feel right, but you just have to look at it from that perspective.

  • 01.05.2013 11:58 PM PDT

Sometimes, I dream about cheese.

I say you do the only right and just thing you can possibly do in this kind of situation.















Kill her and feed her body to the baby so it may grow stronger.

  • 01.05.2013 11:59 PM PDT
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no, she should not have had the child if she could not afford to raise it. You have no moral responsibility to give her money as you are already doing her a favor by taking the child off her hands.

-16 years old

  • 01.05.2013 11:59 PM PDT

Key

I mean I s'pose it depends on your own financial situation. If you've got the money you can spare, and you really believe that it's okay for you to do this, then I'd say go for it.

If you need to look for a reason, the whole giving up a baby ordeal can be pretty traumatic (or so I've heard) whether or not one wanted to keep it, so I don't think a "pain and suffering" sort of payment could be totally unreasonable. Obviously not specifically for "pain and suffering", but along the same vein.

  • 01.05.2013 11:59 PM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: theHurtfulTurkey
I wouldn't see why you have a responsibility...you're already promising to raise her child for the rest of his/her life. Seems like you're doing them a huge favor already.

You should tell her it's inappropriate to ask for money when it's against the law.

We kinda did this, we forwarded the email to the adoption agency with a note that we should all get together to discuss her finances. We need to make sure she is cared for until she gives birth.

[Edited on 01.06.2013 12:03 AM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 12:00 AM PDT
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Nvm

[Edited on 01.06.2013 12:01 AM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 12:00 AM PDT

well.... Say the money is not for the kid. You are adopting the kid, and then doing them a favor. Because you're just that nice.

  • 01.06.2013 12:01 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: Mind Reaper 771
Does she list the reason why she needs the money, exactly?

But I'd say you shouldn't risk the kid over something like this. It might not feel right, but you just have to look at it from that perspective.
she does.

She has other children and the expenses she lists are for them. This is what is tearing at me, I know my son has biological brothers and sisters. On one hand I feel that's her responsibility, on the other, I feel I should do something.

[Edited on 01.06.2013 12:04 AM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 12:02 AM PDT

Why Bungie, why would you do this?! - Halo Community

It really depends on what you believe. I would get it cleared with the agency, and then maybe help. Then again, I have a hard time saying no to someone in need.

  • 01.06.2013 12:02 AM PDT

Is she asking for money or else she won't give up the baby? Because then you should contact someone, like the police.

  • 01.06.2013 12:05 AM PDT

You went in for the baby, not necessarily to get a women out of poverty.

Forget about the biological brother thing. That really doesn't matter. You will raise that child, it will be your son, not hers.

[Edited on 01.06.2013 12:07 AM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 12:06 AM PDT
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Posted by: theHurtfulTurkey
I wouldn't see why you have a responsibility...you're already promising to raise her child for the rest of his/her life. Seems like you're doing them a huge favor already.

This.

However, if you are people of wealth, you can afford it, and you want to help the poor lady, I guess you can wait some time and help her with clothes or something, it doesn't have to be necessarily money. Ask your lawyer.

  • 01.06.2013 12:06 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: Slothful Koala
Is she asking for money or else she won't give up the baby? Because then you should contact someone, like the police.
That's just it, she can back out at any time and keep what we've paid her thus far. We have to play nice until 72 hours after she gives birth. Until then she can renege with no consequences.

  • 01.06.2013 12:07 AM PDT

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Speaking of chuckles, let's all lol at IonicPaul, who makes friends with bugs to make up for his lack of human contact.

Help indirectly? I don't know.

Also, just curious, why are you choosing to adopt over parenting your own child? Forgive me if I'm being too forward.

  • 01.06.2013 12:08 AM PDT
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. -Clarence Darrow

No, she shouldn't be asking you for money. You are going to be that kid's de facto parents now, and if you give her money, you're going to lead the biological mother to believe that she can hold something over you guys for letting you adopt her kid.

I'm not sure if that came out coherently, I'm awfully tired.

  • 01.06.2013 12:08 AM PDT


Posted by: Kaltyr
you're going to lead the biological mother to believe that she can hold something over you guys for letting you adopt her kid.

This actually makes sense. You're doing her a favor, not the other way around.

  • 01.06.2013 12:11 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: IonicPaul
Help indirectly? I don't know.

Also, just curious, why are you choosing to adopt over parenting your own child? Forgive me if I'm being too forward.
you can be ready, or you can be able. Not both at the same time. And Mrs Charlie is an extreme high risk pregnancy.

So, thank you everyone for the serious responses. I'm not really looking for advice on what to do. Our hands are tied legally on that end. If we pay her we can get arrested for human trafficking.

No, what I am asking for is your opinion on what responsibility Mrs Charlie and I have for her morally. Not really what we should do, but if we should do anything.

  • 01.06.2013 12:12 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: ABotelho

Posted by: Kaltyr
you're going to lead the biological mother to believe that she can hold something over you guys for letting you adopt her kid.

This actually makes sense. You're doing her a favor, not the other way around.
no, it goes both ways. Mrs Charlie and I probably won't be having one of our own. We want a child. So we're helping each other.

  • 01.06.2013 12:13 AM PDT
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Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie

Posted by: ABotelho

Posted by: Kaltyr
you're going to lead the biological mother to believe that she can hold something over you guys for letting you adopt her kid.

This actually makes sense. You're doing her a favor, not the other way around.
no, it goes both ways. Mrs Charlie and I probably won't be having one of our own. We want a child. So we're helping each other.
Ah. Well, if you want to talk morally, you're already helping her. Since you've said she's not very well-off, relieving her of the financial burden of a child is helping her in some way. I mean, you can help her fiscally if you want, but you should wait a bit after the adoption so there isn't the risk of being arrested.

  • 01.06.2013 12:16 AM PDT


Posted by: SafariTK
I don't think it is morally right for her to ask for money when she knows it is illegal.
Laws and morals are not the same.

  • 01.06.2013 12:20 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

Ugh. She emailed again. The adoption agency is involved. Apparently she has told them that she thinks we can solve all her life's problems. Whatever that means...

  • 01.06.2013 8:55 AM PDT